My parents have something against me and guys. Like, my mom always gives me this serious look whenever I’m talking to any boy, no matter how old he is. He may even just be my friend and it’s still a problem for them.
There’s this guy I’ve liked for a while, and he finally asked me to be his girlfriend. Of course I said yes, and we’re in a relationship right now. I wish I could enjoy it, but I’m so scared of my parents finding out! How do I get them to understand that I’m not their little girl anymore? How do I tell them I have a boyfriend?
I can totally understand your frustration here. You love and respect your parents, but at the same time, you want to do what makes you happy. Dealing with parents who are a little strict or who see things completely differently than you do can be super difficult – but luckily, not impossible!
First of all, I’m glad you realize that you need to come clean and be honest with your mom and dad. Lying about having a boyfriend and sneaking around behind their backs is only going to lead to a really stressful situation for you and your boo. But don’t just spring this on them – you need to find a time to talk to them calmly. Tell them that you met a really great guy who asked you to be his girlfriend and explain that you really like him and he makes you really happy. Let them know that while you want to respect their wishes and be honest with them, you also really want to be with this guy.
If they start to freak out, let them know you’re willing to work with them on this. For example, reassure them that it’s not going to affect your schoolwork. Suggest letting them meet him, if you’re comfortable with that. If they lay down a few rules, like giving you a curfew or saying you can’t go out with him on weeknights, agree to them. You can always talk to them about changing these rules in the future – but if you flat-out refuse to do them now, that’s only going to them angry.
Remember to stay calm and mature through the whole convo… and lastly, be gentle with them. I don’t know how old you are or if you have any brothers or sisters, but I’m assuming that the reason your parents don’t want you around guys is because they’re worried about you. They’re probably just trying to protect you and I’m sure they don’t want to see you get hurt in any way. As much as you don’t want them to see you as their little girl, they probably still do, and you having a BF is going to be a big adjustment for them.
Make sure to keep in mind that arguing, yelling or acting stubborn isn’t going to help this situation at all. Hopefully, they’ll have a positive reaction, but if not, just give them some time to get used to the idea. The more mature you act, the better!
What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at firstname.lastname@example.org