Trust Me: Snooping Through Your Boyfriend’s Phone Is A Bad Idea

looking at boyfriends phone

Don’t do it!! | Source: ShutterStock

Put yourself in this scenario: your boyfriend leaves you alone in his room while he takes a shower. You’re sitting there doing nothing until you notice it: his cell phone. It’s just sitting there, innocently (but kind of staring at you at the same time), right next to you. And he’s in the shower, so there’s no chance he’ll walk in. And you were wondering who he was texting before. Oh, and look at that… there’s no password lock. So, what do you do?

Rewind back a few years, and I was in that exact situation… and I made a choice that I totally and completely regret now. I grabbed his phone as fast as I could to start reading every text message and to look at every incoming/outgoing call before he walked back in the door. I’m really not proud to admit it, but it’s true: I used to be a total snooper. When I was dating my first boyfriend, I was really self-conscious and jealous, and convinced that he was cheating on me, no matter what he did to prove his devotion. I thought looking at his things would help me trust him more, and instead, it only made things worse.

While my snooping started off innocently enough, it escalated pretty quickly. The very first time I looked at my BF’s phone, I didn’t find anything suspicious, which made me feel a lot better – until I started feeling horribly guilty. I swore to myself that I would never do it again, but a few weeks later, I did. Once I realized that I could probably look through his phone whenever I wanted without him realizing it, I felt powerful in a very weird way. From then on, I started snooping on a regular basis.

This is what it usually leads to… | Source: ShutterStock

I became obsessed with going through my boyfriend’s private things, and for the first few years, I never admitted it to him. The whole time, I was so worried about him being dishonest with me and meanwhile, I was the one being dishonest with him.

Everything was (relatively) fine… until I got caught. What I didn’t realize during all of my snooping was that once I found something weird in his phone, I would have to admit what I had done in order to talk to him about it. One day, I found texts from his ex-girlfriend. They were really innocent, but it didn’t matter: I had finally found something. In that moment, I wasn’t thinking clearly. I was furious and immediately confronted him.

I’ll never forget that conversation. When I asked why he was still talking to his ex, my boyfriend stared at me, confused. “How do you know that?” he asked. I started blushing like crazy and tried to make something up, but the damage was done. He looked at me in shock and said, “Jess, did you go through my phone?” He was mad, but what really got me was that he was super hurt and disappointed. He explained that he thought he could trust me enough to leave me alone in a room with his phone – and he thought that I trusted him enough not to go behind his back and check up on him.

Young Couple Talking

If you think something’s going on, talk about it instead. | Source: ShutterStock

Despite our huge fight that day, I kept going through his phone, and we kept fighting about it. When he put a password on his cell, I thought it was shady and we fought about it. When he eventually gave in and let me look through his phone, I demanded to know the reason behind every text. And when he started looking through my phone, it only led to more fights. Towards the end of our relationship, neither of us trusted each other at all – and it was a huge reason why we broke up.

Here’s the thing about snooping: it is way too easy to misunderstand what’s going on. I can’t tell you the amount of fights me and my BF got in over a text that meant the complete opposite of what I thought. Also? No matter what your boyfriend might have done wrong, he still has the right to get mad at you for going through his phone. Looking at your boyfriend’s private things is just a fight waiting to happen.

When I broke up with that boyfriend, I promised myself I would never look through a future BF’s phone again. Now, when I feel like something shady is happening, I talk to my guy about it. I don’t go behind his back and look at his phone. There are much better ways to learn to trust someone, and snooping is definitely not one of them. I just wish I realized that a few years ago.

Do you snoop through your boyfriend’s phone? Have you ever? Would you? Do you think it’s okay? Tell us in the comments.


Here’s how to stop logging onto your BF’s Facebook

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  • Vee

    Snooping I agree is an invasion of privacy. I did go through an exes voice mail messages and got the answer I needed. Honesty should always be first and foremost in a relationship. I am an intuitive person always have been and if someone lies to me I can feel it. Incidentally that particular boyfriend left me for another and it had nothing to do with my going through his messages. I would go into his voicemail from my phone through his password. 2 years later he is back to calling me because the karma hit him and she left him for another man. He wants me but I will not be taking him back. The trust was ruined from the door.

  • Allie Wright

    I took selfies on my boyfriend’s phone one day while he was cleaning his room so he knew I was on his phone. We both go on eachother’s phone for whatever, we don’t have anything to hide so it’s never been an issue. When I went to look through the pics I had taken, I scrolled one too far and was staring at a screenshot of a very unappealing nude. It was a weird angle and I originally wasn’t sure what it was, thinking maybe it was a meme or something, but I eventually realized it was a screenshot of a nasty pussy snapchat. Most girls would immediately think their man was cheating, but I know my guy and that screenshot was so gross looking I knew it wasn’t what I thought. Sneaky me, I asked him to look through my selfies and pick his favorite (yes, we’re narcissistic af) and he did the same thing: scrolled one too far to find that screenshot. I was next to him so I was causal like, “Ew, what is that?” And he explained his guy friend had sent him the nude because it was a nasty hoe sending them out. Not everything is what it seems. If you know your relationship and the person you’re sharing that relationship with, you shouldn’t feel insecure about that.

  • Sam

    I trust my guy with my life, last night I went to google search something about the show we were watching on his browser, I clicked the wrong button, I went to shared links, its up next to the history, I seen naked women and naughty things on twitter and just thought it was him watching porn, which I don’t really care. Then it lead me into looking into all of his things, I immediately felt guilt and was going to tell him sorry and let him know that I trust him and didn’t mean to go through his phone, but I found emails, he pays women on snap chat for their premiums. He badgers me about spending money all the time but yet he’s spending money to see naked women and god only knows what else, is scared because i love him so much and we’ve built a life together and I don’t want to lose him and he swears up and down that he’s not hiding anything else, but I just can’t get passed it.

  • Jon

    My partner usually waits till I’m asleep, as every night for the past few years I make sure I clear all my open apps first before I go to bed and when I awake , messenger,WhatsApp, sms, Facebook are usually open on my phone. I even setup an intruder app on my phone once that sneakily takes a picture of the person who is unlocking your phone -to which it showed her doing that like clockwork for a few months.

    Unfortunately, when your snooping through someone’s phone you have the mentality that what your looking for certainly exists, which means when something is eventually discovered no matter how innocent or irrelevant, that person will infact manipulate what they have found as a way to cover for how they feel about snooping in the first place.

    It upsets me that she doesn’t have much trust in me , but I actually feel sorry for her as it is her insecurities that have led her to do it, therefore I haven’t confronted her about it because I’m hoping that when she sees that there is nothing on my phone she can reassure herself of my loyalty.

  • Damian

    I’m “with” a guy and he is constantly on his phone when he’s around me. It didn’t use to bother me until i noticed he was tilting the screen away from my line of sight at certain times. At first I thought he was trying to keep his password secret or something relatively innocent. I guess that triggered some neurotic necessity to discover his password.

    I finally cracked it and read some rather shady things, but then my dumb ass went and confronted him about it. I blew up my own spot and similarly to Jessica’s scenario, it caused a pretty big blow out and was left feeling pretty bad about “mis-interpreting” somethings that just didn’t add up.
    Some time went by without incident and then the opportunity presented itself and I tried to snoop again…He had changed the password. That triggered my ‘Mission Impossible” mode and I started to observe him and later cracked it again.

    That discovery led to a slew of different discoveries that just started the vicious cycle all over again.

    Finally I took a long hard look at myself and realized why I was so set on the idea that he had something to hide… its because he acted like he did. If his phone were to ring in my presence, depending on who it was I would notice he would tilt the screen away from me, same goes with texts and so on and so forth. Now if he did that ALL the time then I would write it off as a habit of his, but when his mom or sister or friends call he doesn’t shy the phone away.

    His argument was always that it’s my “insecurities” getting the best of me, and i will agree with him to a certain point. But the main reason why my insecurities are even being stirred is because of his questionable behavior with his phone. I want to believe him and yes, perhaps I am letting my own self-doubt burden him, but I stand firmly behind my belief that if he had nothing to hide then his actions would dictate as such.

  • princess

    The Golden Rule: “If there’s nothing to hide, you shouldn’t be putting/changing passwords on your phone” especially if you are in a relationship. I used to snoop on my bf’s phone.. why shouldn’t I? I am his girlfriend.. one time when my bf started to put passwords on every app he has on his phone I asked him to remove it or else it’s world war IV… I don’t care if he thinks I’m invading his privacy because that’s the way it should be girls… I put password but he knows it, not a big deal. I am honest to my boyfriend and he should be as well, again, if there’s nothing to hide. no need to do that. Thanks> 🙂

  • introspective

    I did this with my ex, I found he had been sexting another woman while I was pregnant with our child. It hurt bad and totally broke my trust in him (and everyon else) and i ended up leaving him. I have just done it again with another guy (10yrs later). Again, I looked and found messages to other women. It hurt more second time round. I confronted him and we rowed. Now, I can’t get it out my head. id been doing a lot of internal work on trust and this broke the little bit I had managed to build.
    I want to get past it, or I will leave him. I just don’t know how to move on. It’s driving me crazy!

  • Grace Fernandez

    Me and my boyfriend have been together for about a year and 5 months. Ever since we’ve been together I’ve always found porn, pics of girls with really huge butts, big boobs, and pictures of things in girls he likes such as blonde hair blue eyes country girl with skinny legs and a big butt. Every time I have found these hundreds of screen shots of these girls from instagram I’ve gotten completely posed and hurt because that is what made me so insecure to this day. It made me feel lyk I wasn’t what he wanted because I am not blonde with blue eyes long skinny legs and a big butt or a country girl at that. He’s promised me so many times he won’t do it anymore because he knows how bad it hurts me because when he gets these pictures he master bates to them and that’s what hurts ,etc the most too. It makes me feel like I’m not sexy enough for him or that I’m not something he wants or likes or that I’m not pleasing him good enough and I absolutely fucking hate seeing those pictures. So every time he swears on our relationship he won’t do it I ALWAYS find them and it’s not just a few it’s 298 photos of these girls. Not only that but he does it while I’m sleeping in bed NEXT TO HIM. WOW IS THAT SHIT?? And another thing is we agreed to not have Facebook for like 10 months now and the other day while I was sicker than a dog bed sick and sleeping because I was so sick he gets on his old Facebook and looks up his exes and all kinds of other girls!!!!! Not to mention the pages of “thick sexy girls” and “hot country blondes” and “tits and ass” that he liked I mean come in what the fuck he proposed to ,etc and he’s doing this shit while I’m sick in bed next to you??? So I always go thru his phone when I get a chance because every time I trust him and I go thru it I always find something. What do I do?? Please help because I’m getting sick of this.

  • tina

    My husband said he didn’t have a cell phone….guess what I found in his glove compartment 6 days ago? Yes, a cell phone with a particular women’s number it. I asked him if he had a cell phone? He said, no, never. He then stated if he ever got a phone I would be the first to know. I have since discovered he has had this phone for 6 months. Along with these two discoveries is his slowing down very gradually in sexual interest towards me. All I want to do is find out if he is having a relationship with her. He won’t admit it and now I’m wondering if I should ask her.

  • Amanda Martin

    I do snoop. I snoop because I cant trust him. Every time I snoop I find something else to completely destroy me. He always has an excuse… but I just dont trust his excuses anymore. He is going through a breakup (we were together for 5 years, broke up, he got with someone else, and now he “wants” me back) I guess I am talking myself out of this relationship right now. He still texts her he loves her and he misses her and begs her to talk to him. I am under his contacts as Amanda. She is Samantha Baby… that is all of the evidence I need I guess. :/ This is why I snoop!!!

    • Vee

      I had similar situation. I cracked the code of his phone after our first break up. I always felt something prevented the relationship to move forward. Well I found he was on a website for singles. I believe this was the reason why we were never able to move forward. I asked him from the beginning before I got emotionally attached if there were others. He lied and said no. There was always someone. An ex or someone new. The trust for me was destroyed from the very beginning. The second time around I would periodically go through his phone calls. He would always reach out to other women when we argued. So I never had a chance. The truth is we show them apart of themselves. When they realize there is no separation the wounds can begin to heal.

  • babybootakenobullshit

    ok i need some help last night my bf went on my facebook when i was sleeping and he found text from two years ago he thing its around the time he thinks we was going out but we was not and now he calling me a cheater and than he said i need a brake i dont get it i didnt do nothing wrong i even blocked the dudes and he say im easy idk what to do i feel like my heart just broke is he rite for bring up things from two years ago i we been together 4 years idk what to do

    • vapaperboi .

      nope he aint right

      • Jan

        agreed. It is one thing if he had legitimate reason to not trust you, but totally another thing if he is just fishing for a reason not to trust you.

  • Fa Raa

    This happened to me recently with my bf. My cellphone has no PIN, and I always answer my calls, but he turns his cell silence when he is with me and never answering phone. He installed viber, while we are in the same city and see each other and never use viber to communicate. He checks his phone when I am taking shower or in the bathroom. I can see on his cell sometimes when he’s checking it that he’s got tens of calls and text messages, but never answers them when he is next to me .Then he added a PIN to his cell. And last night when he put his head on my leg and showing up with his new cover of cellphone. I gave it to me to see how good its quality is. I told him why do u have pin on ur cell, he said can u break it?!! I am a computer engineer and a cryptographer. I asked him do u want me to, he said yes. He could not believe that I might be able doing it. I unpinned his cell and he said did u open it, i said yes, he did not check and said oo, really then what do u read there? I just simply clicked on the only App on his new cell which was Viber, and read the message he had sent to a woman and sarting his message to her with MY LOVE! I suddenly jumped up, grabbed the cell and yelled at me that I had no right to breach into his privacy and he has no trust in me anymore. He put on his cloths and left my apartment, and never called back again anymore. this was the end of our one year relationship. I wish I would have opened his cell and read his text messages earlier before wasting all this precious time with such a betrayal and liar man. He is a dentist and he is 47 years old.

  • Jen

    5 months into mine and my first ever (ex) boyfriend, we agreed we could go through each other’s phone and we had nothing to hide. I never had any reason to go through his phone as I had completely trusted him and I thought we loved each other. He was in the shower one time and I just wanted to check something on the internet. When I went on there, there was a waiting message from a girl who was a mutual friend. She was my best friend and a good friend of his. We got together because of her really. Turns out this text though was them two sorting out a SECOND TIME. I waited for him to get out the shower and I confronted him. He wasn’t angry that I’d read the text. He was upset he’d been caught. We argued and apparently it started when he went on holiday with his family to another country while I stayed at home. Then when he got back, he picked her up after lovingly dropping me off at work and they went to a field somewhere and you get what happened. He tried to claim he wasn’t going to do it because he loved me. Despite he was the one who started it and asked for it because apparently I wasn’t satisfying him in bed. Safe to say I dumped him straight away. If I hadn’t of found out, he admitted it still would have gone on. For ages.

  • trizzay

    I answered my husbands phone because he was in the bathroom and it kept on n kept on goin off…and low and behold…a female he had already cheated on me with…and fr then on I didnt trust nite he was gone all nite.I looked on his phone when he got home….3 very explicit videos of him and this girl.if I hadnt looked on his phone, we’d still be together….but who wants that shit!!????

  • Michelle

    My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 months now and I started looking through his phone sneakily at first but he caught me and didn’t say anything so I thought it was okay. He tends to say shady things which makes me ask for his phone. We got into a fight recently and he came clean with not liking that I go through his phone because it’s a lack of trust and privacy. I have never found anything in his phone but I also feel like he does hide stuff by what he says. Like he accuses me(jokingly) about talking to other guys and so I do it back and he replied back “I’d so no such thing” but he said it kind of sarcastically which makes me thing negatively. I have talked to him multiple times about him cheating and he always tells me he’s not that guy he wouldn’t do that to me and his friends say the same but from experiences in the past I have a hard time believing that anyone could be loyal to me. I don’t want to keep bringing it up because he will get annoyed but it’s something that still bothers me. Sometimes he even cries when we fight and I bring it up and he tells me he loves me but I just don’t know how to believe it

  • Kay

    I went into his phone to send myself a photo he took of me, that evening, when he took me to a ‘wellcome back’ dinner, and found a shot of his *finished* junk. Confused, because it didnt go to me, I looked at the time stamp. It was from when I was out of state while my mother had surgery, less than 24 hours after I left. I look in his texts, found the thread with the photo, read the entire thing that ended in “Make sure you erase these so Kay doesnt find out” from the girl. Laying in bed next to him, I text the girl from his phone asking if she was up for some more sexting, she said yes. So I put the phone down and proceeded to dump my glass of water on the boy while packing my stuff.

    My mother almost died, I called him sobbing, he calmed me down, then I went to bed because I’d been up since 3am. He tried to tell me he took the photo to send to me to cheer me up. this was 9 months ago, we’re back together, and I get up in the middle of the night to check his laptop history.

    Its awful. But I needed to know he did that.

  • undisclosed


  • Kelley

    Yes I have looked through my exs phone because I didn’t trust him. Found the proof that he talked really nasty to other girls. Glad I looked and happy to move on. If he gives you a reason to look you probably should take a peak. I looked twice and found something both times. If there’s nothing the first time you probably shouldn’t snoop again.

  • Olive

    I remember the first time I looked through my boyfriend’s cell. I was curious and he was always away at work. One night he went to a bowling party and I was sleeping when he got home. I will never forget, I saw his cell when I woke up and I decided to go through his pictures to see if he had fun and I found pictures of his ex-girlfriend on his phone. I confronted him in anger and in tears then he told me his sister and her were playing with his phone while he was bowling. He lied of course. That wasn’t the end of it, I found numerous lists of girls I have known on his cell that he started close relations with and flirted hardcore with. His ex-girlfriend was included too and had a nickname on there as well to make it seem like he was talking to a dude. I found out it was her eventually. It made me feel insecure and worthless that I had to snoop to find out the truth and I hated it. I think he should of been honest with me in the first place. Snooping is bad for sure, I found out the hard way and broke each other’s trust about 3 years. We fought a lot and argued over messages, Facebook, who’s friends with who and so on. It’s not a healthy way to live if you want trust your partner. It took me a while to forgive him he continued his actions for years to come, I eventually got tired of being snoopy and let him be with his cell phone and cyber girls.

  • K Y

    I’m not a snooper, I promise. My boyfriend took some really silly pictures of me on his phone this one morning and I honestly just wanted to see them again. When I was alone with his phone, I took it and went through the camera roll, but what I found weren’t only pictures of me! I found three recent pictures of other girls on his phone. They weren’t female celebrities either. Finding those pictures made me really upset… Especially since I had no intentions of snooping. I, of course, confronted him about this. He lied to me and said he didn’t know what I was talking about and there were no pictures of other girls on his phone. He even went out of the way to leave the room, delete the pictures, and then come back to show me there were no pictures of other girls. This whole situation was a mess. I was incredibly hurt because he lied to me. All I wanted to know was why he had pictures of other girls on his phone. He said it was because he took screenshots of things he likes instinctively. I said okay, I believe you.
    When I asked him why he LIED about it, he answered with, “because you told me not to tell you if I was looking at other girls.” Yes, I did tell him that, but is that really a valid excuse? The whole idea of him looking at other girls does not bother me as much as him lying to me about it. The lie is what affected me. After this incident, it was really hard to trust him again. I had all of my faith in him because of the countless things he’s done to prove he’s faithful, but this one little incident damaged me a lot. I’m slowly getting over it I guess. I just wish he didn’t lie and told me the truth.