Trust Me: Snooping Through Your Boyfriend’s Phone Is A Bad Idea

looking at boyfriends phone

Don’t do it!! | Source: ShutterStock

Put yourself in this scenario: your boyfriend leaves you alone in his room while he takes a shower. You’re sitting there doing nothing until you notice it: his cell phone. It’s just sitting there, innocently (but kind of staring at you at the same time), right next to you. And he’s in the shower, so there’s no chance he’ll walk in. And you were wondering who he was texting before. Oh, and look at that… there’s no password lock. So, what do you do?

Rewind back a few years, and I was in that exact situation… and I made a choice that I totally and completely regret now. I grabbed his phone as fast as I could to start reading every text message and to look at every incoming/outgoing call before he walked back in the door. I’m really not proud to admit it, but it’s true: I used to be a total snooper. When I was dating my first boyfriend, I was really self-conscious and jealous, and convinced that he was cheating on me, no matter what he did to prove his devotion. I thought looking at his things would help me trust him more, and instead, it only made things worse.

While my snooping started off innocently enough, it escalated pretty quickly. The very first time I looked at my BF’s phone, I didn’t find anything suspicious, which made me feel a lot better – until I started feeling horribly guilty. I swore to myself that I would never do it again, but a few weeks later, I did. Once I realized that I could probably look through his phone whenever I wanted without him realizing it, I felt powerful in a very weird way. From then on, I started snooping on a regular basis.

This is what it usually leads to… | Source: ShutterStock

I became obsessed with going through my boyfriend’s private things, and for the first few years, I never admitted it to him. The whole time, I was so worried about him being dishonest with me and meanwhile, I was the one being dishonest with him.

Everything was (relatively) fine… until I got caught. What I didn’t realize during all of my snooping was that once I found something weird in his phone, I would have to admit what I had done in order to talk to him about it. One day, I found texts from his ex-girlfriend. They were really innocent, but it didn’t matter: I had finally found something. In that moment, I wasn’t thinking clearly. I was furious and immediately confronted him.

I’ll never forget that conversation. When I asked why he was still talking to his ex, my boyfriend stared at me, confused. “How do you know that?” he asked. I started blushing like crazy and tried to make something up, but the damage was done. He looked at me in shock and said, “Jess, did you go through my phone?” He was mad, but what really got me was that he was super hurt and disappointed. He explained that he thought he could trust me enough to leave me alone in a room with his phone – and he thought that I trusted him enough not to go behind his back and check up on him.

Young Couple Talking

If you think something’s going on, talk about it instead. | Source: ShutterStock

Despite our huge fight that day, I kept going through his phone, and we kept fighting about it. When he put a password on his cell, I thought it was shady and we fought about it. When he eventually gave in and let me look through his phone, I demanded to know the reason behind every text. And when he started looking through my phone, it only led to more fights. Towards the end of our relationship, neither of us trusted each other at all – and it was a huge reason why we broke up.

Here’s the thing about snooping: it is way too easy to misunderstand what’s going on. I can’t tell you the amount of fights me and my BF got in over a text that meant the complete opposite of what I thought. Also? No matter what your boyfriend might have done wrong, he still has the right to get mad at you for going through his phone. Looking at your boyfriend’s private things is just a fight waiting to happen.

When I broke up with that boyfriend, I promised myself I would never look through a future BF’s phone again. Now, when I feel like something shady is happening, I talk to my guy about it. I don’t go behind his back and look at his phone. There are much better ways to learn to trust someone, and snooping is definitely not one of them. I just wish I realized that a few years ago.

Do you snoop through your boyfriend’s phone? Have you ever? Would you? Do you think it’s okay? Tell us in the comments.

 

Here’s how to stop logging onto your BF’s Facebook


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145 Comments

  1. avatar Martha Moreno says:

    I lived with my fiance for 2 years and he has always pushed to have everything joint. Whenwe signed up with the phones and asked to be a authorized user he cleverly avoided the subject. Just recently my mom Haas become wheelchair bound. I have to go help her when I have time off. This particular day I had spoken to him prior to his 9:00 meeting. I had told him I was going to be with my mother and I would be taking her to an appointment at 11am. I was very over whelmed trying to get her fed, changing her and getting her ready for appointment. I had to be in the car by 10:00 to get to her appointment.
    While I was with my mother we had gotten the subject the medical insurance and I wanted to know if certain documents could be found on the internet. I text a friend the question. My fiance hates my close friend and mind you he has never met her.
    By the time we got back to moms I changed her gave her lunch it was about 1:45. I noticed I had three consecutive missed calls from my fiance. I called back but got no answer. As I was driving at 2:40 to pick up the kids from school. My fiance starts texting me about my friend. I felt it was random and I did reply that I was not going to continue his conversation since he doesn’t care for her.
    The next day he admitted to checking the the telephone log to see my phone history. I was devestated. I felt so betrayed. So disalution. He said it was all my fault I provoked him.
    That same day I had to go help my mom again. I licked my bedroom door and he and his son unlocked the room and took a couple luggage that had been there since I moved in. In my heart I think they both went through my daughter and my items.
    I confronted him and he said they are his things and there’s no reason they should be in there. His son said his father told him they were going to go to California so they needed the luggage right away.
    I am so num right now I feel so lost.

  2. avatar Clara Lee says:

    My bf always wants to know who I texted to but he asked me and tried to look at my phone in front of me. He always leave his phone with me alone and there is no password lock and he told me that I could see all his texts anytime I want. I never do it in front of him but I went through his phone when he was not there. I saw some texts between him and his ex and I asked him. He was not angry or frustrated. He explained to me that the texts meant complete opposite to what I thought. I felt guilty but since that I completely trust him and never have the thought going through his phone again even he is fine with it.

  3. avatar Shelby says:

    My boyfriend and I have been together for a year now. He always wants to know what I’m doing on my phone and on my computer even if I am sitting next to him. It irritates me so much. I don’t know what to do. One time I was going to a friends house and I found out he was on my Facebook. I called him and asked him what the hell he was doing. He lied to me for a split second and then told me the truth bc he was caught. I made and mistake and told him that if he wanted to see it just ask me and ill show him. Today he asked me. I got so upset and hurt by him asking. We had a great 1 year anniversary last weekend and now on MONDAY he starting with this shit again. I over reacted and went off on him and didnt even consider his feelings mainly bc i was hurt and confused. A lot of guys have bothered me during our relationship but i handle it and blow them off. I just still don’t understand why i feel like he doesn’t trust me. We have been together for a year now and nothing has gone on. He didnt find anything in my Facebook the first time he snuck through it. I really need advise on how to handle this without blowing up on him.

  4. avatar WV Beauty says:

    I can definitely relate to this in my current relationship. I’ve sworn to not snoop through his or anyone else’s phone EVER again. What’s done in the dark will come to light… AND if I have any negative feelings about something I will talk about it with my partner. And if they aren’t being honest, then I know what I need to do!

  5. avatar trizzay says:

    I answered my husbands phone because he was in the bathroom and it kept on n kept on goin off…and low and behold…a female he had already cheated on me with…and fr then on I didnt trust him.one nite he was gone all nite.I looked on his phone when he got home….3 very explicit videos of him and this girl.if I hadnt looked on his phone, we’d still be together….but who wants that shit!!????

  6. avatar Michelle says:

    My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 months now and I started looking through his phone sneakily at first but he caught me and didn’t say anything so I thought it was okay. He tends to say shady things which makes me ask for his phone. We got into a fight recently and he came clean with not liking that I go through his phone because it’s a lack of trust and privacy. I have never found anything in his phone but I also feel like he does hide stuff by what he says. Like he accuses me(jokingly) about talking to other guys and so I do it back and he replied back “I’d so no such thing” but he said it kind of sarcastically which makes me thing negatively. I have talked to him multiple times about him cheating and he always tells me he’s not that guy he wouldn’t do that to me and his friends say the same but from experiences in the past I have a hard time believing that anyone could be loyal to me. I don’t want to keep bringing it up because he will get annoyed but it’s something that still bothers me. Sometimes he even cries when we fight and I bring it up and he tells me he loves me but I just don’t know how to believe it

  7. avatar Kay says:

    I went into his phone to send myself a photo he took of me, that evening, when he took me to a ‘wellcome back’ dinner, and found a shot of his *finished* junk. Confused, because it didnt go to me, I looked at the time stamp. It was from when I was out of state while my mother had surgery, less than 24 hours after I left. I look in his texts, found the thread with the photo, read the entire thing that ended in “Make sure you erase these so Kay doesnt find out” from the girl. Laying in bed next to him, I text the girl from his phone asking if she was up for some more sexting, she said yes. So I put the phone down and proceeded to dump my glass of water on the boy while packing my stuff.

    My mother almost died, I called him sobbing, he calmed me down, then I went to bed because I’d been up since 3am. He tried to tell me he took the photo to send to me to cheer me up. this was 9 months ago, we’re back together, and I get up in the middle of the night to check his laptop history.

    Its awful. But I needed to know he did that.

  8. avatar undisclosed says:

    BASICALLY I WENT THROUGH MY MANS FACEBOOK MESSAGES.
    FOUND TEXT MESSAGES TO A MAN TELLING HIM HE’S THINKING ABOUT HIM AND ALL THE THINGS HE’D DO TO HIM. WE BROKE UP AND GOT BACK TOGETHER AND EVERY SINCE I’VE BEEN LOOKING THROUGH EVERYTHING. EVEN HIS GOOGLE SEARCH HISTORY. THEN LATER ON I FOUND GAY PORN. HE SWEARS HE WOULD NEVER LEAVE ME FOR A MAN AND I’M NOW PREGNANT WITH HIS CHILD. I STILL SNOOP AND HAVE FOUND NOTHING UNTIL TODAY HE WAS LOOKING AT PICTURES OF OTHER WOMAN’S ARSES ON GOOGLE AFTER TYPING IN FIT GIRL ASS SQUATS… WHILE I WAS SLEEPING NEXT TO HIM. WTFFFF IS WITH THIS RELATIONSHIP. HE SAID HE LOVES ME AND HE IS COMMITTED BUT HOW DO I LEARN TO TRUST HIM AND STOP SNOOPING THROUGH HIS STUFF! ?!?

  9. avatar Kelley says:

    Yes I have looked through my exs phone because I didn’t trust him. Found the proof that he talked really nasty to other girls. Glad I looked and happy to move on. If he gives you a reason to look you probably should take a peak. I looked twice and found something both times. If there’s nothing the first time you probably shouldn’t snoop again.

  10. avatar Olive says:

    I remember the first time I looked through my boyfriend’s cell. I was curious and he was always away at work. One night he went to a bowling party and I was sleeping when he got home. I will never forget, I saw his cell when I woke up and I decided to go through his pictures to see if he had fun and I found pictures of his ex-girlfriend on his phone. I confronted him in anger and in tears then he told me his sister and her were playing with his phone while he was bowling. He lied of course. That wasn’t the end of it, I found numerous lists of girls I have known on his cell that he started close relations with and flirted hardcore with. His ex-girlfriend was included too and had a nickname on there as well to make it seem like he was talking to a dude. I found out it was her eventually. It made me feel insecure and worthless that I had to snoop to find out the truth and I hated it. I think he should of been honest with me in the first place. Snooping is bad for sure, I found out the hard way and broke each other’s trust about 3 years. We fought a lot and argued over messages, Facebook, who’s friends with who and so on. It’s not a healthy way to live if you want trust your partner. It took me a while to forgive him he continued his actions for years to come, I eventually got tired of being snoopy and let him be with his cell phone and cyber girls.

  11. avatar K Y says:

    I’m not a snooper, I promise. My boyfriend took some really silly pictures of me on his phone this one morning and I honestly just wanted to see them again. When I was alone with his phone, I took it and went through the camera roll, but what I found weren’t only pictures of me! I found three recent pictures of other girls on his phone. They weren’t female celebrities either. Finding those pictures made me really upset… Especially since I had no intentions of snooping. I, of course, confronted him about this. He lied to me and said he didn’t know what I was talking about and there were no pictures of other girls on his phone. He even went out of the way to leave the room, delete the pictures, and then come back to show me there were no pictures of other girls. This whole situation was a mess. I was incredibly hurt because he lied to me. All I wanted to know was why he had pictures of other girls on his phone. He said it was because he took screenshots of things he likes instinctively. I said okay, I believe you.
    When I asked him why he LIED about it, he answered with, “because you told me not to tell you if I was looking at other girls.” Yes, I did tell him that, but is that really a valid excuse? The whole idea of him looking at other girls does not bother me as much as him lying to me about it. The lie is what affected me. After this incident, it was really hard to trust him again. I had all of my faith in him because of the countless things he’s done to prove he’s faithful, but this one little incident damaged me a lot. I’m slowly getting over it I guess. I just wish he didn’t lie and told me the truth.

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