How Do I Get Over Him?: Your Complete Guide

how do i get over him

Can't see eye to eye? Then you're better off without him! | Source: Shutterstock

How do I get over him? Ugh. Breakups are tough. Even if it’s not dramatic, even it’s mutual–at the end of the day, they still hurt. And if you really like the guy or gal? They hurt lot. And it’s so much worse when it’s someone you see around all the time–it’s like your split keeps getting thrown in your face, so you have no choice but to be miserable… Or do you?

There are ways to make a breakup hurt less and for a lot less time.

The main thing? You have to truly want to get over him, not just go through the motions and secretly wish you’ll get back together later!

Once you get to that point, if you play your cards right, instead of asking yourself “How do I get over him?” he’ll be asking, “How did she get over me so fast?!” Except by then, you won’t care that he said that, because you’ll be over him. Funny how that works, right? Now read on for all the steps to get a lame ex out of your hair–and your heart–for good!

Posted in: Relationships
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  • anonymous

    I been with the father of my child for three years .. through it all I was there for him even after he kept cheating and the lies.. recently he moved back home nd he has a girl that he use to talk to there… I told him before he moved back if I find out you with her Imma put you on child support. . Today I found out that he was… Only reason why I’m upset is because he left his son to go basically be with someone else… Its already hard on me .. working school and trying to take care of my son… He didn’t even try to send any pampers clothes nothing… I wish I could just get over him but its completely hard… I changed my number and everything… Idk what else to do.

  • Nelly

    After being in relationship with him for ten years,he broke up with me,I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a love spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex
    called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, his email is (VOODUSLOVESPELL@ GMAIL.COM) you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or anything.

    • anonymous

      Are you serious? This is obviously the spell caster trying to get business for himself. What a joke!

  • heartbrokenGirl

    I was in a LDR for 7 months.I have known him for 5 years prior. We used to date back then, didn’t work. no hard feeling on each other(atleast that’s what i thought- I was the one who broke up with him the first time) We both moved on. Started reconnecting on FB, before we knew it, we got back together-not a good idea!!

    It started pretty well. I felt he genuinely loved me. Went to him twice, spent time with him but the thing is he never had time to come and visit me in my city. I accepted his excuses. After all, isn’t that what you do when you love somebody?

    He wanted me to moved in with him but I tried looking for jobs in his town unfortunately I couldn’t find one in my field. i also go to school part time so if I move that means I have to wait for a year to be a in-state resident. There were a lot of giving up/sacrificing I had to do. is it worth it?

    So I asked him if he could wait for a year, at least i’ll be done with school and maybe get a better job if I do so. He wanted to take care of me, I told him I want to contribute to be his partner, thus I need to finish school. He seemed to understand. A month after my last visit, i felt like he was pulling away. He said he was just stressed out at school and work. He goes to school part time and works full time as well. I started to worry. He used to text/call before the day ends but it’s fading.

    Then one day he broke up with me for some lame excuse I couldn’t comprehend. I tried to get him back but he kept pushing me away. Until one day he text me to stop calling or texting him otherwise he’ll report me as harassing communication. Can you believe this guy?
    How can you do that to somebody you allegedly loved? I am so hurt and heartbroken on this treatment.

    I know it will get better. I question myself if I made the right decision of not moving with 3 months ago, but that just does not help me move on. He dropped me like a piece of shit I should do the same on him…

    Goodluck to us, I don’t deserve this guy.I deserve even better!

  • shana

    Hey I was totaly head over heals inlove with my bf he was 17 years older than me nd he changed my outlook on life crazy but true I’m still not over him. Some times in life u meet that 1 guy that teaches u how to love hard nd in the end people end up waiting for that same guy or some1 just like him. I’m still singel nd still waiting for the same passionate hard love my x gave too meee..*sad face*

  • Anita

    I can’t thank you enough for all that you have done for me. About 4 months ago I and my partner split up, we had both made BIG mistakes in our relationship. He ended up moving away from me to pursue a new life. I knew in my heart that he would be the only one to make me happy. I was relieved when I found your site and what you had to offer. I requested reunite love spell and within three days he relocated back to our hometown where I still lived. We immediately reconnected and move in with each other. Our wedding date is set for Summer 2012. Expect you to contact him via email when you are in similar problem like this.

    Thank you! Anita, United Kingdom.

  • Heartbroken2345

    I have been really good friends with this one guy and I really thought we were falling for each other. Then when I finally asked him out.. he lied and said his parents don’t let him date. It just really hurt because I saw another girl ask him and he said yes. It just breaks my heart that he had to lie about it.

  • khaffy

    I really nid ur advice ugently,am a lady of 31 in love wit a guy of 25.he neva told me his age b4 it started coz we av been a gud frnd b4 our love affair started,I loved him so much dat I tink I would die if he leaves my he told me he can neva & eva settle down wit me bcos of our age diff wch he just told me.dose age matas wen it comes to love & marriage?am so confused & empty,I love him so much wot shld I do?is it dat he neva loved me?we r 6 mnt old.what surprise me most is diz guy was vry caring,he’s bn der 4 me.I met him wen I was hrt broken & he stood by me now he wants to leave my life.I can’t sleep day & 9t.nid help plssssssss

  • Melissa

    I was dating this guy for awhile and then the last month we were together he started acting weird, and ignored me alot. But then one day he just broke up with me all of a sudden saying he didnt feel the same about me anymore. Then a week later he called and said he missed me but we had to take a break for awhile and eventually get back together… He finally admitted to cheating on me with this one girl, and now they are dating, right afer we broke up. He then started calling me saying that his feeling of love for me would never go away, which doesnt make sense to me since he broke up with me because he didnt feel the same anymore… But then one night i got mad because i felt like i was being dragged on when he already moved on. So then he flipped out stopped calling me baby, saying he wanted his stuff back and that he doesnt love me. Whenever I talk to him I pretend like I dont care, and he gets mad that i dont care.. why is that? I mean he even said that he loved his new girlfriends wayy more than he ever loved me and they just started dating.. what should i do? he wants his necklace and rings back but i dont wannt to give them back..

    • Kimberly

      Dearest Melissa,
      Now that things have settled down a bit, I think its time for you to follow the above guidlines to, “How I get over Him.”
      1) completely avoid contact 2) get active ie. work out; release endorphines that way 3) Go out with family, siblings, solid friends stay busy (a busy mind is never a play ground for sadness or stress) 4) Give self a makeover (buy a new top, do your makeup different, style your hair. 5) Never forget how beautiful you are inside and out.
      You can do this.. Oh and Melissa, don’t forget to journal.. this will help your mind understand exatly how oddly he’s been acting and how you are more mature (you deserve better) Chin up, keep smiling, I love you.

  • Kinzie

    I was with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. He was my first love. He’s a year and 2 months older than me and he’s a senior in highschool and I’m a junior. His friends didn’t like me and it put a lot of stress on our relationship, but even through that I was so happy with him. He planned our future together and we picked out our kids names. (Jayco Bryan and Jessica Dee) Everything was perfect. Then I went away for a weekend and I had no cell service but would text him off wifi as much as I could. He started distancing himself. We were supposed to hang out on a tuesday and he stopped texting me. So after about 7 hours of not hearing from him I had walekd to his house and we were talking in his front yard for 2 hours then just randomly he said were breaking up when he leaves to college, and I didn’t say anything since that’s still like 9 months away then he changed the subject asking what I wanted to do for my birthday then 10 minutes later he broke up with me (6 days before my bday) and then walked inside. I was crushed and it hurts so much. We broke up sept. 25 2012. I love him so much and I always will. I miss him so much and want him back. But he seems happier without me. I randomly cry through out the day and I just wish this never happened… ): I’m heart broken.

    • Kimberly

      I know this hurts now, but it seems he had his mind made up and did not randomly come up with this information out of the blue. So that being said, time will tell. Oh the test of time. While the clock is ticking you need to get mixing. Do not hibernate for too long or beg him back. Cut all communications, don’t try to be friends or buddy’s right away. Cut all communicatins why? So you can heal, thats why. You can only move on in life if Kinzie cares about Kinzie. You can do this Kinzie. You are a strong, beautiful young lady, and most important I believe in you.
      Next add a new dynamic to your life; pick up a new sport, hobby, musical instrument.. go out with healthy solid friends and family members. Style your hair different, do something special for you. Because you never want to be with some one anyway if they don’t want to be with you, right? You go girl, you’ve got this. I love you.

  • Micaela

    I’m literally just out of a year long relationship which ended because I found out he had cheated on me. For 2 months I had been asking myself what has happened? Where did the guy I love go? Stupidly I never even thought he would cheat. Stupidly I tried to talk to him about it. As he had for the past couple of months-he shut me down. I am hurting so much and I hate the way he has made me feel. Guys have no idea that their actions hurt people so deeply and that frustrates the hell out of me. They really need to man up and be honest. If you want someone else-break up! Don’t screw around behind someones back and tell them you still love them. It’s wrong!

    I am going to work so hard to get over him and move on. I have cried enough tears for him-no more!

  • Anna

    I have been dating a guy for a little over a year now. We met through friends and don’t go to the same school. For the longest time I thought he was the best thing that had ever happened to me and that we would be together forever. But now I’m second guessing myself. He has started to act like he’s always busy and like he never has time for me, but I know that isn’t true. It makes me feel awful. I know he tons of friends who are girls and he is with them all the time. He isn’t cheating, he’s just hanging out with them. But I miss him like crazy. The way he used to treat me, and still does the rare times that I see him- it makes me feel amazing and so loved. But now I know that this depressed, lonely feeling will always come back. I don’t know what to do. I know a lot of people would say just to leave him, but that will be so hard on me. If I feel like this now, how will I feel then? I know that I’m better than this and don’t deserve it. How do I make myself feel wanted and happy even when he is treating me like a nothing?

    • Trisha

      I honestly have gone thru the almost same exact thing with my ex bf who I just broke up with a wk ago. Only we were best friends for a year and started dating during the summer. Well he was the one to ask me out first. And everything was great. He would text me nonstop and always tell me sweet things blah blah. Now he was going to be a freshman in college once summer ended and he would be going to college a couple hrs away. While I’d still be in high school. Well come middle of summer he went on a lil trip with his friends. And when this guy came bck he changed. He started withdrawing from me and when I said something nice to him expressing my feelings he just laughed it off. He stopped Txting me(which I was fine with but it puzzled me how drastic the change was) But when we saw each other he was the same sweet guy I knew. Yea so come end of summer he left promising me he’d buy me a necklace. He knew I always had wanted one. He told me he’d miss me and he surprise kissed me. But after one wk in college he started acting distant again and ignoring me. His birthday had been coming up and I actually had hand made a memory book for us in advance. I confronted him about his behavior and told him I’d be happy even if he called me for only 5 mins a wk I gave him a chance to atleast put some effort and he didn’t want it. So I broke up with him and he saw it coming too. I also know he didn’t cheat on me because they day after his “party friend” that had gone on the trip with him told me how it mightve been his fault cuz he was telling my ex and everyone that having a relationship in college ruins the experience and such. Now I had tried asking my ex bf what was wrong wks b4 i broke up and he did tell me he was questioning whether to stay with me or not. That was when I realized he didn’t feel the same way I did towards him. He never told me straight up and would avoid it. I think he was unsure with everything going on. One minute he’d tell me he’d try to have a relationship with me then he’d second guess hisself. It was having an emotional toll on me. So I had to end it. I was so hurt and I felt immediate regret when I broke up because I thought he’d atleast try to fight for me but he didn’t he just accepted it. But now I’m better because I realized my happiness is what comes first. In the relationship I was always thinking about him after all love is not selfish. But he was selfish always leading me along and ignoring me when he wished then being sweet to me whenever he saw me. Now that it’s over I know I was too good for him anyways. My advice to u is to first think about ur own happiness. U don’t need a guy who treats u like that. And I know it’s hard because ur feelings for him are strong. First off talk to him about it and get to the core of what’s been up. If he continues acting like a jrk and closing u off then u have to move on and break up. Sometimes guys do this as a way to try to get out of a relationship because they are cowards and can’t tell u straight up. This is what my ex did to me. Well whatever it is that us bugging him find out and talk to him. Just remember ur happiness is first and u can do better off without him u were happy b4 the relationship too. It’d be very hard but once u make a decision it’d be the best u ever did for urself. I’m still healing but I’m doing better. Believe me he’d regret his decision sooner than he thinks and when he does ull be already happy on ur own.

  • kenna

    My name is kenna. I was dating this Guy for a year and he broke up with me. He still ants to be friends and have sex but I still have so much of a connection to him. I know he still loves me and he wants to hang out but I want to be with him! I when I talk to him and he hates when I get Mushie and tell him my feelings. But I can’t help just crying and breaking down in hohpes that he will take me back. I’m at my wits end and I cant take it!!!!

    • Micaela

      Don’t let him use you that way. He knows you have strong feelings for him and he’s using those feelings to manipulate you into getting what he wants. It will end up hurting you even more-and confusing everything!

  • Ally

    My boyfriend broke up with me last week. We’ve been best friends for three years and dated for a year. We were very in love and nothing was wrong with the relationship until he returned from a mission trip to Jamaica. He had morphed into a completely different person and said that God had told him that he had to give up something that was precious to him (me).

    It’s only been a week, but I knew that the very worst was over after that first day. I’m still very broken, but I also know that I’m too strong for this. I’m very sorry to anyone else who is experiencing this pain.

  • journey lane owen

    work out play your favorite sport.. erase numbers eat chocolate dress your self up go out it will be sooner and youll notice hes not on your mind

  • Nesha

    I didn’t date him but we flirted…a lot so we kept flirting and flirting and flirting until one day my friend and I asked him what not today meant he replied with never, I was heartbroken. When our class was over he said ” ya know I was pretending all along, being urfriend.My friends said it would be hilarious nd guess what….IT IS!!!! We are not friends and I hate you. I don’t even like you like that how could I you’re ugly and fat” and that is the end of our “relationship”. I know I’m fat and ugly but hearing it from the person I loved/love hurt sooo bad I don’t think I will ever love again

  • Celeste

    So its been awhile since i last comment here….I finally got over my x..Only thing that bugs me now is that he left me with allot of guys thinking i would ever go out with them! He telling them lies about me..All i can do is smile and say that the lies arent true. I did do something to get back at him…haha my friend brought a vibrator UNUSED to a pool club. So when he was playing pool and bending over to shoot we turn it on and sneak up right behind him XD HE SCREAM LIKE A GIRL 🙂 it made me happier

  • Becca

    I had my dream guy. I’m only 17 but man, was I in love. He was everything I had dreamed of and I could see us getting married when we were older. He was super smart, so funny and had the most amazing eyes! And he was younger than me (which is weird because I’ve only ever liked older guys!) We broke up about 3-4 weeks ago now and I’m still a mess…

    I’m better, I can already tell the difference. I’ve cried and deleted him from my life because I knew that if I didn’t, I could never move on. And now I’m already ten times better. Still a mess…but much better.

    I know there’s a lot of girls out there like me an have been in a similar situation but it does get better. You will come out of it ten times stronger than when you wen into the relationship! You WILL get through it!

  • Dana

    I was with a wonderful man. And things didn’t work out. You know, life. Nobody’s fault.

    We’ve been apart for about 1/2 a year. And as much as I’d like to say I’m fine, I can’t – not completely. Small things, like fabric softener, can still catch me off guard.

    But I’m doing so much better than I was. Do you know that scene in Sleepless in Seattle when Tom Hanks is on the phone saying that he’s going to get up every morning and breathe in and out? Sometimes focusing on that is enough.

    If you’re reading this, my guess is that you’ve gone through some pretty tough times too. And I am so sorry. But you will get through it in one piece. I promise.

    • Tatiana

      Thanks for this warm, kind, helpful comment. My first real love and I broke up nearly eight months ago and I’m still not fine either. But my crying about it has gone down gradually to once a day, to once a week, now to every three weeks or so. And I’m wiser than I used to be.

      I’m so sorry for your heartbreak too. I wish you to find peace and someone spectacular.

  • Celeste

    I dated a very great guy for about 6 months, He took my virginity. He was really great to me, he would come out into the cold to just talk to me! He did everything i could ever ask a boyfriend to do for me..Then after our 6 months he said he never loved me and that he never will, that everything was a lie…In just a couple of days he change into a different person…He treated me like a slut, a nobody, like i don’t even exist. He said we could still be friends…but then he just cut me off. I never said anything bad about him. I’m actually encouraging him to be with his new girl! Yet he just treats me like nothing. I don’t wanna be with him ever again..I just want him as a friend again nothing more. The more i force myself to not care about him the more i do! I did all those steps you said..but something holding me back, I have a great boyfriend now..but he knows i’m sad. Whats wrong with me…

  • ay.

    i was in a long term relationship with my boyfriend. i genuially thought the world of him and wanted to plan a future. i loved him more than life itself and he treated me as if i was the only girl in the world. cut story short. he cheated and lied about if for months. swore on my life and lied to my face. i had to be told off his bestfriend and the girl he cheated with, he still denies it. i left him straight away and could not be happier. im the happiest ive ever been.