Rape Victims Called Me For Help–I Call Them Survivors

clothesline projectMy first hotline call came in around dawn one weekday morning: it was a woman whose assault had happened years earlier, but who was feeling really badly about herself and was stressed. We talked about what had happened in her past, what she thought was getting to her now, and then she listed her strengths and accomplishments. She ended the call sounding much better, and thanked me for my time.

I felt like I’d done something important. Helped someone.

I received a variety of calls: a mother wanting recommendations for counseling centers for her daughter, who had been raped; a woman who was ritually abused by a cult as a girl and who couldn’t remember all of it; a husband who wanted to know how to help his wife after her rape; and a man who blamed himself for his childhood molestation and was still afraid to talk about it.

The hospital calls were harder. I never knew what sort of assault I’d be facing or how the survivor was handling it. These were the times I had to act confident no matter how unprepared I felt, and to focus myself completely on helping the survivor, however was needed, and put aside my own heartbreak at knowing what happened. This could be hard; some of the attacks were especially brutal, and it would take me hours or days to recover. The supervisors of the hotline were available 24/7 if we needed to talk, and I sometimes really did.

One of the most important parts about helping rape survivors was that sometimes I was, or would be, the only person who supported the person unconditionally. There are a lot of rape myths out there: that it was the survivor’s fault, that it’s easy to avoid, that the clothes we wear “cause” rape, that women, especially, should know better than to go to a party/club/out with friends/out after dark/on dates/anywhere, ever. That men who are assaulted are weak and/or gay. We–-even toward people we love–-blame survivors, without considering that the attacker chose to commit the assault.

If you want to get involved, you can volunteer at a hotline in your area; check out RAINN’s volunteer webpage for hotlines in your area or domestic violence shelters; domestic violence shelters frequently have a variety of volunteer opportunities (including less-intense stuff like helping with mailings or collecting pledges). You can also help spread awareness about sexual assault at school, your religious organization, clubs you’re in, and more. Make fliers to pass out or posters, or see if you can get your local Clothesline Project to hang their shirts at your school.

The most important thing you can do if someone you know was assaulted is be supportive. Be there. Listen. If the assault just happened, encourage your friend to go to the ER to get a medical checkup (there may be injuries you can’t see); samples can also be collected as evidence to catch the attacker. Having support will make the biggest difference to her or him, and you can be the one to provide that help.

Click Here For More Facts On Sexual Assault

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  • Kitty

    This article is amazing. It helps me stay strong to know that there ARE people out there ready to help.

    My mom used to do this. After she graduated college, this was her job. I remember the first time I learned that fact… it had been why she couldn’t serve jury duty, and was the first time I learned what rape was.

    I myself was a victim of sexual assault. It took me only a few months to tell my mom, and good god it was like a weight had been lifted. My three closest friends all knew and had been pressuring me to tell before they did it for me. I now have nothing to fear, because I know I was the victim, and it was not my fault. My cousin was so much bigger than me that it could very well have escalated to rape.

    If you are ever the victim for sexual assault, tell people. Talk to people. Get it out in the open, because you are not alone and it is not your fault. The person that did it to you may not know what they did was wrong. I know for a fact that my cousin still “blissfully” believes that I was enjoying his touches. One day I will hit sense into him with a frying pan, but for now… I will share my story and hope that one less girl will have to go through what I did.

    I’m on your side.

  • anon

    for me i was molested in 4th grade by some 6th grade boys, but i couldnt say nything to anyone but i wish i had because it got worse and worse….. and now i really cant be around guys because i get anxiety attacks when im alone with them….

  • anon

    Um, i was a victim of rape at age 5 and i think it is the most horrible and discussing thing anyone can do, especially to a child and/ or some one defenseless. I am glad that there are people out there willing to take a stand for victims like us.

  • faye

    Great article!

  • JaiLovesYou

    I agree. It makes me want to go out there and follow in her foot steps.

  • save_ferris

    This is the best article I’ve read on gURL for a while.