This guy at my school wants to be in a relationship with me. I told him a lie that I have to be 18 to have a boyfriend so that I would not hurt his feelings. I guess it didn’t work, because now he is getting so creepy. He keeps on getting close to me and stuff. It is very uncomfortable. This guy is very perverted, which is why I dislike him. How do I get him to go away? He’s really creepy all the time!!!!! Please Heather, help me!
Eek! This guy obviously has good taste (he’s into you, after all!), but it sounds like he really needs to take a hint and move on. No matter how flattering it might be to have someone be that into you, no one wants some dude following them around when they aren’t interested. The good news is that there are a few ways to get him to back off for good.
While I don’t blame you for the lie you told to spare his feelings (turning someone down can be really hard), you have to come clean with the truth here. By telling him that lie, you made it seem like you would like to be with him, you’re just not allowed. You unintentionally made it seem like he still has a chance with you, and that’s probably why he hasn’t gotten the hint yet. I know it stinks to hurt someone’s feelings, but lying is just as bad. What if you end up meeting someone you really like and you start dating him? When this guy finds out you totally lied, that will probably hurt him even more.
If you don’t feel comfortable telling him the truth in person, then do it in a way you do feel comfortable – Facebook messaging, a handwritten note, an email – whatever works for you. All you have to do is say that he seems like he’s a cool guy, but you’re not interested. Don’t try to make excuses like you just need to focus on school or you’re not ready for a relationship. Saying things like that will continue to make him think there’s a chance you like him. By flat-out saying you’re not interested, it’s hard for him to take that any other way. And if he presses the issue, say that you’ve already made your decision and nothing he can say will change that.
Try to keep things between just you two, but if this dude continues to be seriously creepy and perverted, say something to a trusted adult like a teacher, school counselor, or your parents. Maybe if a person of authority tells him to back off, he’ll listen. The main thing is that it’s not okay for him to make you feel uncomfortable with sexual remarks – that’s not cool! Don’t be afraid to tell someone about it.
In the meantime, avoid this guy when you can. I know you might feel guilty for rejecting him, but don’t feel like you need to be overly nice to compensate for it, because that will give him the wrong idea. Unfortunately, rejection is a part of life, and he’s going to have to learn to deal with that.
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