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Why I wish I knew we wouldn't always be together | Source: ShutterStock
When I was 14, I started dating my first boyfriend, D. We went on to date for almost five years, and saying we were obsessed with each other is an understatement. When D and I weren’t hanging out and clinging to each other like spider monkeys, we were talking on the phone so much that my parents started locking my cell in their room at night so that I could actually get some sleep.
D and I spent the majority of our time talking about how great our lives would be once we were 18 and free of our parents. We basically had our entire futures planned out: our wedding, our kids’ names, how we would spend holidays, etc. I was only in high school and thought I had already met the man I was going to marry – and there was no changing my mind. And then college started, and we broke up.
While I definitely don’t regret my relationship with D, I do regret the way I acted because I thought my first love was going to be my only love. I know how easy it is to assume your high school boyfriend is going to end up as your husband, and while I’m not saying it can’t happen (it definitely can!), let’s face it: it normally doesn’t. There are a lot of things I would have done differently during high school if I had been open to the possibility that D and I weren’t going to last… and if I could redo those four years, I would. In an effort to stop any of you from making the same mistakes, here’s what I would have changed:
I definitely would have spent more time with my friends. | Source: ShutterStock
1. I would have spent more time with my friends. When I was with D, I slowly cut off each and every one of my friends so that I could spend as much time with him as possible, guilt-free. For a long time, D was literally my only friend… and no matter how much I claimed that was enough, it wasn’t. I missed out on so many high school friend experiences because I thought D was always going to be the only person who mattered, and that made me miserable. Those friends I treated badly were the people there for me when D wasn’t.
2. I would have focused more on schoolwork. Since I spent so much of my time with D, I started slacking on my schoolwork. Yeah, I did okay in high school, but if I had had more time to myself, I know I could have done much better. When it came time to apply to colleges, I wished I could go back in time and put more effort into school. If only I had realized that every minute of my time didn’t have to go into my relationship, I could have had better grades.
3. I would have gone away to college. As a freshmen, I always imagined myself going away to college; living in a dorm and meeting tons of new people. Once I started dating D, that possibility flew out the window. The thought of being more than 20 minutes away from him was too much for either of us… plus, D told me we’d break up if I went away. So, I stayed home – and missed out on tons of awesome college things. I especially regretted that when we broke up in the middle of those four years. Lesson learned: don’t ever let a boyfriend hold you back from something you want.
My college experience would have been very different | Source: ShutterStock
4. I would have experienced other guys. Five years of your life is a long time to date someone, especially when you’re in high school. During college, all of my friends had lots of stories about different dudes they had dated, and even though most of them were awful, I was totally jealous. I had only dated one guy! Now, I think it’s important to open yourself up to new and different relationships – it helps you learn things about yourself. There are plenty of times during D and my relationship where I had wanted to break up, but I always stopped myself because I honestly thought we were going to get married.
5. I wouldn’t have felt so devastated when things didn’t work out. Even though I broke up with D, when it happened I felt like my whole world was falling apart. I had been so convinced that we were going to get married, and once we were no longer together, I was genuinely convinced that love and marriage didn’t exist (cue the emo music). It took me a very long time to realize that not every relationship is going to last forever, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
Can you relate to this story? Have you ever dated someone you thought you’d be with forever, and things ended up not working out? Tell us in the comments.
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Well the same thing also happened to me, but I stayed with my boyfriend for 3 years..And I wish I stayed more with my friends and family..After breaking up I felt like the world is falling apart and everything turned from white to black, but No after like a month I realized that I’m happier and healthier and I realized that he’s not the one..
same here, girl!! I mean with realizing after a little while that you’re happier, healthier, and realized that he is not the one. It’s so relieving to not feel so broken, isn’t it?
A similar thing happened to me, only I was only with the guy for 8 months. He was my best friend and I pushed all my other friends away just to be with him. We had our future planned out. I felt like we would hold each other back in college a lot because we would be so focused on each other. For whatever reason my eyes were opened to all the possibilities that I could miss and that I did miss so I decided to take a small break. I let all of my friends back in (thankfully it wasn’t too late). I broke it off with him because I realized that I was right about him holding me back because he told me that he couldn’t see himself without someone and he wanted them to make all the decisions in life so he wouldn’t mess up. I can’t take care of him because he has to be able to take care of himself first and become strong on his own before he can be in a really serious relationship. While we were taking a break he showed me a different side of him that scared me a lot. He was talking about wanting people to hurt him and stuff. I did not know he was like this and that pretty much made my decision for me. I know that he still doesn’t understand any of this (nor do my friends) even though I tried my best to explain because he’s still stuck in the other mindset.
I’m so glad I found this because I just broke up with him today and it’s been so hard but it’s good to know that other people have gone through a similar thing.
My exBFF did exactly this – the only friends she has now are her boyfriend and the girls who sleep with everyone because they understand ‘love and what it’s like to be an adult’. BS. When he tried to break up with her, she threaten to kill herself. Mature adult? I think not.
…and once again…Gurl.com promoting PROMISCUITY!! …There are YOUNG girls in this site!!
And how are they promoting promiscuity? All Gurl is doing is telling one gurl’s story. Also, any young girls on this site are here to learn. That doesn’t mean gurl should cater to them.
How is this promoting promiscuity? Just wondering?
My high school sweetheart’s name was Dave and we were together for junior and senior year, then a little into college. We were inseparable and did EVERYTHING together. Every day I’d ride his bus home. We talked about marriage and our future together and it all made sense. I was SO comfortable around him and could wake up next to him every day. We had a ton of inside jokes and both of our groups of friends got along. I LOVED his family and they loved me. His mom had the idea that we would get married someday, too. Our relationship was really mature for our age. But, he went to college an hour away from me. He ended up not being mature enough to handle being in a relationship with me AND being away at college and things started falling apart as soon as he left. I broke up with him after winter break this past year since I was SO tired of putting up with his B.S. of not calling, not keeping promises, and choosing his new life over me constantly. After about a month and a half of him texting me occasionally saying how I was his best friend and to please just talk to him and all that stuff (and me not answering), he came home for spring break. On his way home he texted me asking if he could take me out to dinner just as friends. To be honest, I felt bad, and even though I had the worst feeling in my stomach about it, I went. It ended up being fun and it was nice to catch up. But then, on our way back, he started bawling his eyes out telling me how sorry he was (he is NOT a man of emotion, for the most part). I could tell he was sincere, and even though 95% of me didn’t want to try again, I listened to the other 5% that did. We were trying things for about a month until he admitted that partying was becoming a big part of his life and he didn’t trust himself (he joined a frat while we were broken up). Soooo, yeah. After building up my trust again, he does this. Let me just say that this break up was much harder than the first. Surprisingly, though, we are friends now. I forgave him for being a stupid boy and was there for him when he got really sick and had to go to the hospital. Even though he chose another life over me, I know he cares and it’s not in my nature to abandon people when they need help. I mean, all of his frat brothers ditched him for a trip to Philly when he had to go to the hospital. But I sincerely, honestly, truly, have NO intentions of getting back together with him. There is no trust. Most people say that cutting off all communication between you and your ex is good for recovery, but I actually like the way things turned out. There is no bitterness, not regret, and no hatred. I don’t even think of him as an ex, I think of him as a good friend. Being friends with him is so much easier than dating him.