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I cannot be trusted around a buffet. Like a goldfish, I’ll eat myself to death. But still, when I get around a salad bar, I become almost giddy, and inevitably leave with a $14 mish-mash of a lunch that’s beyond unappetizing. If you have similar salad bar angst, read on. I think you’ll be able to relate!

Questioning the Conditions

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She said: Oh, you know–I’m trying to eat veggie today. No chicken for me–although you’re right, it looks delish!

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She meant: Go ahead and get food poisoning if you really want, but um, do you really think those “heat lamps” keep the meat from going bad?! Ick!

Sneaky Carbohydrates

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She said: I’m so glad we’re eating healthy for lunch!

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She meant: OH HI CROUTONS! Want to come live with me, in my tummy? Good, bring about 75 of your friends and get in my bowl!

Looking for an Excuse

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She said: Slices of onions?? How is this a salad topping? Who in the F puts RAW ONIONS on their lunch, come on.

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She meant: This is a sign that I should get a grilled cheese instead.

Proportional Delusion

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She said: Hmm…the ranch dressing has 150 calories in 2 tablespoons.

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She meant: One of these fist-sized ladles has to be, what, like ¼ of a tablespoon? Probably.

Getting Creative

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She said: What are you talking about? Spinach, bleu cheese, hummus and beef chili will make a GREAT combo, duh.

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She meant: Great. Now I have to gag down all of this awful mix just so I don’t have to hear “I told you so.”

 
 
 
 
 
What’s your favorite thing to get at the salad bar? Are you always as healthy as you think you’ll be, or do you splurge with croutons, cheese, and all those yummy desserts? Tell me everything in the comments!

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