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Breakups are sad no matter what | Source: ShutterStock
Dear Heather,
My boyfriend and I have been dating for a while. We’re both seniors and next year we’ll be going to different colleges 13 hours apart. We both knew what lay ahead when we started dating, but we tried not to think about it. But it just hit me tonight, and now I don’t know what to do anymore. Whenever we talk about college, we always say we can make it work, but I’ve realized it won’t work. He’s going to a Bible college to become a children’s pastor and I’m going to a state university to pursue a broadcasting career. We’re going in totally separate directions in our lives.
He is the greatest man I have ever met and the last thing I want to do it hurt him. But I know I’m not the girl for him, and I don’t want to keep him from meeting the real girl of his dreams. Now the question is: Do I tell him now so we can begin the healing process before college and have a chance to go back to being friends? Or do I hold on to him and love him for whatever time I have left?
I’m really sorry that you’re in this situation – it definitely stinks. As hard as this is for you, I think it’s great that you’re being so mature and level-headed about it. That will only make it easier for you to deal with everything.
While normally I would tell you to wait and see how things go next year before making a decision, in this case I think the best idea might be to end things. That’s not because I don’t think long-distance relationships can work, but it’s because you’re already having serious doubts while you two are together, and that’s only going to get worse once you two are apart. And if you want to stay on good terms with this guy, it’s much better to end things in person than other the phone.
Moving on in college might be easier than moving on at home | Source: ShutterStock
That being said, there’s no reason to rush things – but you do have to talk to your man about this. Letting him think things are going to be fine next year is only going to make things worse. Have a serious talk with him about college and basically tell him what you told me. Explain that you love him, but you just don’t think things are going to work because of the different paths you two are going on. Tell him you would love to be friends and you don’t want to lose him entirely. Be as nice and gentle as possible.
Figure out together when you want to end things. He might be really hurt and want to end things right away. Or maybe you both want to spend as much time together as possible while you can. There’s nothing wrong with you guys dating until you both go away to college if that’s what you want to do. But really, I can’t tell you what to do here. It’s all about how you feel and what you want.
That being said, don’t assume that just because you two will be far away from each other you can’t still be together. Long-distance relationships do work, they just take a lot of time and effort. If you want to give things a shot next year before breaking up, that’s not silly or foolish. Don’t make this decision until you really think things over and consider what you want to do next year – ultimately, do what feels right for you.
take care,
heather
What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com
What do you think: do long-distance relationships ever work?
Can You Trust Him?
Same with my boyfriend. We were going to different schools. It was so hard, and I miss him every day/
To be honest, this is a really tough situation. This is great advice, I know I am only 15 bout I know a lot about relationships, I have studied them for a long time. When this stuff happens to people they are usually in the same situation. If it was me I would do the same thing she said. Talk to your man about it, if he gets upset or hurt about it, obviously it wasn’t meant to work out. I take the ” Everything happens for a reason” quote to heart. Whatever happens it was meant to be, but sometimes the truth hurts but I am sure he will be ok with it, if you guys are as in love as you say.
No marter wthat all i no is that i only ned some 1 to love ok
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Good advice. Only one thing to add. When you talk to him, make sure that he knows that you really just want the best for him and his future. You said it yourself, you want him to be with the girl of his dreams. Real love is wanting the best for the other person no matter what the sacrifice.
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hi this is hak!!!!!
My boyfriend and I broke up very recently. We dated for 4 years. We’re also seniors in high school, and I knew we had to end it. Things were complicated and we just didn’t want the same things for our future. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, but I knew it had to be done.
If that is wthat hp den ho get anorther boy ok