Ask A Guy: Do Guys Get Mad When Girls Call Themselves Ugly?

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Let’s reverse roles for a moment: If your boyfriend were constantly calling himself an idiot, or complaining about his wimpy “chicken legs” all the time, wouldn’t his own self-doubt eventually start to make you doubt that he’s worthy of you? At the very least, there’d only be so many times he could complain about his inability to grow a moustache before the mere repetition would drive you nuts.

Not only is self-deprecation destructive to yourself, it’s rarely attractive to others — so try to avoid putting yourself down. And the less amount of time you’ve been with someone, the more damage your self-doubt can do to his image of you. In the early stages of dating, you especially want to allow him to feel good about landing such an amazing catch!

[caption id="attachment_61168" align="alignright" width="200" caption="Don't shut him out, though. |

Of course, as your romance progresses, you’ll eventually want to be able to openly voice your insecurities. Healthy, loving relationships require support through communication, and allow partners to become better versions of themselves — so occasional deeper conversations about insecurities are not only appropriate, they’re necessary now and then. But steady off-handed self-criticisms for the sake of attention will only frustrate your boyfriend in the long run.

Regardless of what your boyfriend thinks, if your negative self-image is affecting your overall mental health, and talking to your parents and most trusted friends isn’t helping, you might want to seek professional help. Hey, I went to a therapist for a couple of years, and it helped me get in touch with some of my own personal issues (though I’m still working on the “chicken-legs” thing).

Just remember that your boyfriend chose to be with you specifically because he thinks you’re hot. You don’t need to convince him of that or talk him out of it! The more you’re able to love yourself, the more your boyfriend will love you for the confident, self-assured girl you are.

Good luck!
Ethan

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Ethan, email him at askaguy@gurl.com!

 

 

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  • Mason

    Having personal experience on the matter, I must agree with Ethan. So know this gurls, when in a relationship with a guy, it was NOT bcuz of your overwhelming “lust for life”, or even your unwavering-”can do” spirit having-winning attitude that initially caught his eye. And rest assured, that u wouldn’t be the only 1 in his ear about how ugly, fat, or whatever it is you’re complaining about! I guaran-DAMN-tee @least 1 of his boyzboyz are too. & if you’re constantly degrading yourself, it will only be a matter of time b4 he starts agreeing with whatever his friends might be telling him.

  • Kebelle

    Ha! I have chicken legs as well (plus they’re X-legs, talk about bad luck :P ), I don’t mind that much actually… it’s just difficult shopping for pants because I also have a tiny (but tight :3 ) ass and pants just don’t hug that sad excuse for a curve. I think to myself ‘better chicken legs than the fat-genes, those pants are even harder to find and fashion is all about skinny girls the latest decade’, my apologies to all heavier girls and guys out there, if it puts you all at ease: you can gladly think the reverse and think back to the Rubens-times, pin-up moments,…

    But yeah, it’s not about body-type we’re talking here, since it’s the face that really matters. I have an unattractive face, really, I’ve also been bullied because of acne and my lack of curves… or as I’d like to call them: my subtle body-type lines (glad to be out of puberty and finally grow some in the horizontal way? YES!). I’ve dated girls before, and I don’t feel insecure with them, since I am a girl myself, I know just how far looks go when it comes to love. But right now I’m having my first boyfriend-experience. I met him over the internet, so he got attracted by my personality and I by his. The only problem is: he is rather handsome, I am far less pretty. We both know it, I am so insecure/realistic that the first time we saw each other on cam I told him so, and said that if he didn’t feel any attraction, now was the time to say it, so we could try going back to the friendzone. He suggested I have an ugly face… which made me feel really bad, I told him so. But at the same time he kept insisting that he ‘loves me for who I am’ and ‘to leave it at that’. So for now… I will leave it at that and try not to act too insecure, he will think me prettier for it. He is really gentle, teasing and pervy :3 I pray a thing like ‘loveblindness’ exists. And if it doesn’t work out in the end, so be it. But if he turns out not to overcome my looks and ever has the nerve to dump me because a prettier and just as nice a girl comes by, I honestly might be tempted to chop off his manhood. Pricks like that don’t deserve to call themselves ‘men’. [I'm joking, you know that right? I would never give in to that temptation, I think]

    To end with a depressing thought: I will never be at peace with my unattractiveness.

  • Heidi

    To be honest, we all have our own insecurities. I have always have a little bit of it but sometimes is like it just fades away, i try to strong and believe in myself because at the end of the day thats all that matters. People can build you up but they can also bring you down! We are our only judge. Believe!

  • Countrygurl

    I am VERY insecure. I don’t like a lot of things about myself, including the fact that I don’t like a lot of things about myself!! I’m always scared to be the center of attention, afraid that somehow I’ll mess things up and embarrass myself. I know that being insecure is not an attractive thing, but sometimes I just can’t help it. Whatever I’m doing whether it’s swimming, bowling, skating, even doing P.E. activities, I focus a lot more on the people around me. And all that is going through my head is “what are they thinking about me right now??” I look in the mirror and all I think is how much I wish I could look like this other pretty girl. I’ve actually been doing a lot better on pointing out my insecurities, well to others. To myself, I find flaws in everything I do. But I really want to stop doing that, and I don’t know how! I used to be the most confident girl, now I’m scared to do the littlest things. Afraid that my friends, and boyfriend will judge me on how I did.

    • Bailey.Bubbles

      You’re insecure, don’t know what for. You’re turning heads when you walk through the door. Just because you’re not perfect, doesn’t mean you’re not beautiful love. Stay confident!

  • Al!

    I’ve always had problems and insecurities about myself. Always have, always will! You can call me anything under the rainbow and i’ll either agree (bad) or just nod (good) My boyfriend now goes nuts with me but knows i have a low self esteem so he rings me up now and again with cute things. He rang me the other night and said just wanted to say goodnight beautiful! And that made me feel amazing just to think he rang me purely to remind him that i was beautiful to him.

  • Trouble_Maker3

    I completly agree with Ethan on all of this, but i have to be honest and say that I AM one of those girls who say sometimes that i feel ugly or fat. Im one of those girls who think i am only sometimes beautiful, and sometimes not. I do say it out loud if i dont feel pretty, but i dont do it on purpose to make a guy mad or to piss anyone off. I dont even realize i do it sometimes. Its something im trying to work on. Thankfuly my very loving boyfriend disagrees with him and i try my hardest to shut my mouth when im thinking these bad thoughts. Its something im trying to work on, and this article helped. Thank you Ethan (:

  • akeila smith

    This helped me alot for i am not crazy about my body i try not to be negative and its difficult most of the time, my bf he always say what makes me beautiful is the fact that i’m unaware of my beauty 0.o cud that be true or is he just like trying to make me feel better ??
    either way thank you

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  • Cindy

    Is right, no person should ever degrade him/her-self. I hate when my friends say things like ”why i’m so ugly” and stuff like that, because they repeat eat so much that then it comes to a point where is me saying those same words! No, is not because I feel ugly, it’s because my friends have repeated it so much that it’s like they plant a little seed in your mind. >.<

    • Ethan Fixell

      Yup — yegative thoughts, actions, and words only attract and create more negativity!

      Thanks for reading,

      -Ethan

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  • MsDinahD

    So on point!

    • Ethan Fixell

      Thanks Dinah!

      -Ethan

  • Lara

    I totally agree. At some point in my life, I got some crazy idea in my head that it’d make me at least not seem dumb, if I pointed out all the things that were wrong with me. It’s like, don’t think you have to point it out, I already know. I’m shocked at myself now as I type this. But even though I forgot the initial inspiration, I continued to bad-mouth myself A LOT. I finally worked at two different places where guys told me I should stop doing it. It took a little time even after that, but somehow I managed to muddle through all that made me do it to discover how ridiculous it was. And how damaging it was. I learned how often people are developing negative opinions of us BASED off of the very things we’re saying or even if we don’t say it, if we act like we have no worth, then people are going to think and treat us like we have no worth. We TOLD them to, by what we say about ourselves, how we act about ourselves and what we accept from them.

    Here are two links from my blog about, not just saying the right things, but FEELING like you’re beautiful -
    Bringing Beautiful Back
    http://www.theloveinhereyes.com/2011/12/10/bringing-beautiful-back/
    One Week To Feel Beautiful
    http://www.theloveinhereyes.com/2012/04/16/one-week-to-feel-beautiful/

    • wolfgirl98

      thanks for putting the links, theyre really great :)

    • Ethan Fixell

      Great point, Lara. By continually reinforcing the same negative things about yourself, you’ll start to convince others of those very negatives you don’t want people focusing on in the first place.

      Unfortunately, pointing out personal insecurities won’t make you seem self-aware — it will only draw attention to the insecurities!

      -Ethan