Let’s reverse roles for a moment: If your boyfriend were constantly calling himself an idiot, or complaining about his wimpy “chicken legs” all the time, wouldn’t his own self-doubt eventually start to make you doubt that he’s worthy of you? At the very least, there’d only be so many times he could complain about his inability to grow a moustache before the mere repetition would drive you nuts.
Not only is self-deprecation destructive to yourself, it’s rarely attractive to others — so try to avoid putting yourself down. And the less amount of time you’ve been with someone, the more damage your self-doubt can do to his image of you. In the early stages of dating, you especially want to allow him to feel good about landing such an amazing catch!
[caption id="attachment_61168" align="alignright" width="200" caption="Don't shut him out, though. |
Of course, as your romance progresses, you’ll eventually want to be able to openly voice your insecurities. Healthy, loving relationships require support through communication, and allow partners to become better versions of themselves — so occasional deeper conversations about insecurities are not only appropriate, they’re necessary now and then. But steady off-handed self-criticisms for the sake of attention will only frustrate your boyfriend in the long run.
Regardless of what your boyfriend thinks, if your negative self-image is affecting your overall mental health, and talking to your parents and most trusted friends isn’t helping, you might want to seek professional help. Hey, I went to a therapist for a couple of years, and it helped me get in touch with some of my own personal issues (though I’m still working on the “chicken-legs” thing).
Just remember that your boyfriend chose to be with you specifically because he thinks you’re hot. You don’t need to convince him of that or talk him out of it! The more you’re able to love yourself, the more your boyfriend will love you for the confident, self-assured girl you are.