Boards
Don't get involved... | Source: ShutterStock
Hi Heather,
My two best friends are fighting (once again) and I’m stuck in the middle of it, though I REALLY don’t want to be. My two best friends just so happen to be very stubborn and don’t want to forgive each other. I really want to tell them that they’re being ridiculous and should just make up, because that’s what friends would do, but then they’d be mad at me for not being on their side and decide to ice me out too. I just don’t know what to do! I’m about ready to explode and I’m tried of hearing them trash-talk each other behind each other’s backs! What do I do?
This is definitely one of those moments when having two amazing best friends turns from super fun to super awkward. I can totally understand where you’re coming from – being stuck in the middle of any fight is complicated and pretty much just stinks. I know it’s difficult to stay out of an argument, especially when it’s two people you really care about doing the arguing, but in this case it’s usually best to avoid the situation as much as possible.
You need to tell your friends that they have to stop trash-talking each other to you. That puts you in a totally uncomfortable situation, and it’s so unfair to you. The next time one of them brings up the other one, say gently but firmly, “I really don’t want to talk about this.” Explain that you understand they need someone to vent to, but you don’t want to hear these mean words about your friend. If you feel totally weird speaking your mind (and you shouldn’t!), just try changing the subject immediately when it’s brought up. If you do it enough, they might take the hint on their own.
And don't let them get mad at you too! | Source: ShutterStock
Letting your friends know what you think is probably not going to help. Their fight might seem ridiculous to you, but it probably doesn’t seem that way to them. Telling them they’re being stupid is only going to come off as judgmental, and just make them angry at you. The only time you should involve yourself is if things are getting completely out of hand. In that case, tell both of them how much you hate watching them fight. Remind them that they care about each other, and ask if this fight is really worth ruining a friendship over.
Once you say that, don’t make yourself the mediator. They have to make their own decision here, and you going back and forth between them is only going to stress you out. If they want to keep arguing, make it clear that you’re not going to a part of it in any way. And if they want to make up, they will eventually, with or without your help.
And if one of them gets mad at you for not being on her side? Tell her it has nothing to do with her and that you just don’t want to get involved. If she can’t understand that, there’s not much you can do to make her get it. You should never feel like you have to fight just because your best friends are.
take care,
heather
What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com
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I had a situation like this a while ogo. Me and my 2 Bffs are really close. But anyway Michelle started dating this guy. I was happy for her but Carter hated him and just had no way of being happy for Michelle whatsoever. Then they made up. That was long gone when i had an EBM at school with Carter. ( Emergency Bathroom Meating ) saying that Michelle spilled her deepest secrets ever. Then Michelle said yes she did but only because Carter started it. Carter spilled all her secrets. I don’t know what to think. All that it is, is 1. i hate being put in the middle 2. i don’t want to go through them bickering another time.
My friends were playing a water balloon game 4 fun but they both got aggreive and start biting and stratching eachother they have been friends 4 a long time and i would hate to see them break up. I thought that staying out of it would have been tge best way thanks to ur advice! But now they have gotten back with eachother but not like before..
You may correction: WILL think im really gross but i had a similar situtaion and solved it in a really weird way! I went over to one of their houses and we talked I heard her side completely. I pretended to agree and i kissed her, on the mouth, tounge and all! She did it back and sinceit got her calm i did it to the other girl an decided it can get them alm enough to agree on something!