Honey. Baby. Sweetie. Cutie. What do these four words have in common? They are all NOT my name, but lately I’ve noticed how many times
complete strangers have called out to me, talked to me, referred to me, as the aforementioned words. And it’s not just me, either. I’ve heard plenty of people call their waitresses in restaurants and female shop workers “honey,” too. It used to be that dealing with cat calls from a construction site was a rite of passage for a young girl, but these days the
passive aggressive sweet nothings are being called out a lot closer to home . . . by the pizza delivery guy, the over-friendly bus driver, a new co-worker, the list goes on and on and it’s pissing me off.
Out of the
right mouth, “baby” and “honey” are terms of endearment. One of my best friends always sends me text’s that say “love ya sweetie” and my mom always calls me “honey,” but coming out of the mouth of a relative stranger these words take on a
completely different meaning. They’re insults disguised as compliments, a vocabulary wolf in sheep’s clothing. It’s infantilizing–I mean, you might call a five year old “honey,” but to anyone
old enough to wear big-girl clothes, it’s degrading.
Naturally, this name calling is a phenomenon that only happens to females. Could you
even imagine calling a guy you didn’t know “Babe” in casual conversation? Or referring to the man interviewing you for a job as “Cutie?” Nooooo!!! We would never do that, because it would be unprofessional and seen as insulting. So, why I ask is it okay for the opposite sex? It gives a
false sense of intimacy to a total non-relationship. We are not friends, we are not a couple, you probably don’t even know my name, so I’m thinking cutie-honey-sweetie-baby is not an appropriate moniker.
Don’t call me baby (or any of those other names!)–even if you say it with the best of intentions. It’s demeaning and insulting even if you say it with a smile. As they say “You catch more bees with honey,” and this bee prefers to be called by her name!
Do you get mad when strangers call you “baby” or “honey”–or do you think it’s totally okay? Tell me all about it in the comments!
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So, I’m a guy, live in Tennessee, love it when a Southern waitress calls me ‘hun’ or ‘baby’.
So I like receiving such terms of endearment.
On the other hand, I’m well aware of the power dynamics at play in such give-and-take.
Accordingly, especially as a transplant (moved South 3 years ago) I don’t personally feel comfortable calling a grown woman ‘honey’ or ‘baby’. Instead, I’ll use “ma’am” almost exclusively, maybe “miss” if she’s really young.
I did volunteer at a botanic garden where I was occasionally answering questions or giving directions to young children. In those settings, I would often call girls ‘darlin’ or boys ‘son’ or ‘buddy’.
I picked up on the terms used around me. I think some things are acceptable and welcomed in the South that are verboten elsewhere, especially in big cities in the NE, Mid-Atlantic and West Coast.
Of course, I never meant anyone any disrespect. I think that context is important and in most cases, the recipient will know whether the person saying the comment is being disrespectful or just being friendly, although I’m sure there are grey areas where it’s harder to tell.
Which is why I’ve erred on the side of caution so far in order not to offend anyone.