I may be completely and utterly alone on this, but I’d rather try on bikinis than jeans or bras, if for no other reason than it means that SUMMER! IS! COMING! But that doesn’t meant that I don’t err on the side of being diplomatic when at the swimsuit shop with girlfriends.
Here are the funny (but true) things you should probably never ever say in the swimsuit shop!
She said: Um excuse me? Could you grab me one size bigger?
She meant: Exposed nipples actually aren’t in this season.
Back To Basics
She said: Do you guys have this in any other color? Something more basic?
She meant: Enough with the Hawaiian prints! I stopped being into that around the same time I switched off Nick Jr.
Structure Is Everything
She said: I’m over string bikinis; I want something with an underwire and legit clasp.
She meant: The memory of poor Kaley Haskell’s infamous “bursting bikini” last summer is still very fresh in my mind. No desire to be this year’s embarrassing flasher.
She said: Do you think I should try the monokini? It seems like everyone is wearing them.
She meant: Apparently those people have higher IQs than I do. Trying to figure out which limb goes where was harder than doing my taxes!
At-Home Try Ons
She said: I don’t even try them on in the store anymore—I just buy what I like and try it on at home, under decent lighting.
She meant: And in that magical mirror in my sister’s room that makes everyone look like a supermodel!
The Thong Song
She said: I know you don’t want tan lines, Jules, but I’m not sure a thong is really . . . you.
She meant: Buy that and you won’t tan anyway—everyone will be hovered over you teasing you until you burst into tears and flee the beach. Just like last year.
What kind of swimsuit will you get this year? What’s your funniest story from a swimsuit shop? Tell me everything in the comments!