I Can Hear My Parents Having Sex… What Do I Do?

Hearing people having sex

This is one way to deal… | Source: ShutterStock

Hey Heather,

My room is a couple doors down from my parents room. We all go to bed at about the same time. Lately I have been hearing some “oohhs” coming from down the hall and it is really disturbing. What should I do??

Ack! This is definitely a super awkward situation. Hearing anyone having sex can be bad enough, but hearing your parents having sex is a whole other story. I don’t blame you for feeling disturbed, but you do have a few options in order to prevent this from happening again.

I’m not sure what kind of relationship you have with your parents, but if you feel comfortable enough with them to say something, you definitely should. It doesn’t have to be a long, uncomfortable discussion. You can simply pull one of them aside and say, “Hey, this is weird, but I can hear you and Dad/Mom at night. Could you be a little more quiet?”

“Oh, BTW I can hear you guys doing it.” | Source: ShutterStock

If just thinking about saying something like that is making you freak out, then you could try hinting at the situation in a more subtle way. Try casually mentioning that you could hear exactly what they were watching on TV the other night from your room, or that you could hear what they were talking about. It might make them realize that if you can hear that stuff, you can probably also hear them doing it – and maybe they’ll start being a little less loud on their own.

And if both of those options feel totally uncomfortable to you, then you’ll have to figure out a way to drown out the noise on your own. You could try turning up your TV or music really loudly – that will help block them out and it might also be another subtle hint for them to hush up. You can also try going to sleep wearing headphones and listening to your favorite music, or maybe even going to sleep at a different time. But since all of those things are kind of inconvenient to you, I’d really suggest at least trying to hint something to your parents.

Just keep in mind that your parents are humans too – as creepy and gross as it is to think about, they enjoy sex just as much as anyone else. They also most likely don’t realize you can hear them, and finding out that you can is probably going to totally embarrass them. If you decide to say something or hint something, be sensitive to the situation while still getting your point across. And if all else fails – buy a good pair of headphones, girl!

take care,

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com


More advice from Heather: How can you get your parents to let you wear makeup?

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  • Destiny

    My parents room is right across from mine and they have sexx with the door open! And an other thing is that all 3 of my younger brothers sleep in my parents room to. I feel bad for them becuase its really loud, I’m not sure if my older brother hears it too.

    Once when I was 8 my mom and her (now ex) boyfriend did it everynight when they KNEW I was awake! (I’ve even walked in on them once!) And now that I’m 12 I’m still really shy and get scared when they do it. So I started to put my fan on, radio on, and watch Youtube until it quites down.

    • disqus_UF3bI7QUCu

      That’s like abuse to them if they’re having sex in the room even if they don’t know what’s going on

  • Peter

    We were having a holiday once in a caravan and my parents were sleeping right next to my bed. Anyway I was woken up by grunting sounds and saw my dad on top of mum, who was stroking his shoulders. I was half scared and half curious, so I just watched them. After a few minutes dad have a sort of groan and stopped moving, and mum gave a soft sort of sound. THen he just lay on her, panting. After he rolled off I got out of bed and climbed in. I could smell semen and a sort of musk that I now know is smell of a woman’s pussy. I had a huge erection and started touching mum between her legs, she was all wet and slippery with dads cum. Mum is very pretty and has a great figure. She said ‘no, don’t’ but she put her hand on my penis. So I got on top of her and thrust into her warm, squishy vagina. It was the first time I had entered a woman, it felt wonderful. Unfortunately I could only give a few thrusts before I came, squirting sperm into mum. She laughed and stroked my back, whispering ‘was that nice?’

    • disturbed reader

      WTFuuuddggeee?!?!?!?!?!?!!? Dude this is not okay, on any type of level. That can be considered ABUSE even though you voluntarily did it. I cannot even BELIEVE what I just read. I sincerely pray that this does not happen ever again in life.

      • Anonymous11243 .

        Pretty sure this was a troll comment lol

    • Emily Jane Gee

      what the hell is wrong with you man you dont do that i mean srlsy you have got to be trolling if not DON’T DO THAT AGAIN!!!

  • Dae

    I find it really disrespectful that I can hear my mom and her boyfriend going at it like that. Like I have school in the morning (I’m 15 by the way) and this is so disturbing sometimes I cry!! I can hear this with my door closed and my T.V. on, and my mom shares a room with my baby sister and I know my sister can hear it!! I also have a nine year old sister and we never talk about it but I think she hears it too, she doesn’t even know what sex is yet, it’s so rude!! I’m honestly so disturbed I don’t know what to do. They always close the door but I can still hear it!! I just don’t think it’s right to do that when all your kids are in the house. We’re at school ALL DAY and you can’t do it then?!?! Sometimes when I’m sitting downstairs (right under their room) I can hear the headboard hitting the wall over and over. It’s so disturbing and gross. I always cry. I don’t have a close enough relationship with them to be able to tell them how I feel and I’m a very shy person. Please help me, I can’t take it.

    • Deana Winchester

      I understand your perspective. I am 18 going on 19 and for some reason I get really really upset. Like my Step Father makes comments and it ticks me off way more and he finds it funny. For 10 years I would cry but then it turned to anger/rage. They use to have sex in the same room way before they were married and even right next door. For years they find it funny but everything I do it upsets me more than anything. I tried talking to them but they are always saying “You don’t understand,” “Wait till you have sex”, “Stop being weird, oh wait your a virgin you don’t understand”, and if I explain my perspective about having sex they constantly say “That’s right your gonna be the cat lady.” I too find it extremely disrespectful.

    • disqus_UF3bI7QUCu

      Hello! I’m the same way. Well, my sister cries and I just get super angry. Like, I start to think horribly mean things. Plus, my step dad and I already don’t have a good relationship, and one night he said he wasn’t drunk when he came home from the bar with my mom who was drunk. He said he wasn’t drunk, AND he didn’t act drunk yet as soon as I went to my bed about 5 minutes later he and my mom began having sex with the door open. My step dad hated me and I hated him, and unlike me he is always finding ways to cross the line. This was one, and since then my thoughts about both of them have been very “serial killer-ish”. I have fun thinking about things that could happen to them. I already thought bad things about them before, but this just confirms their sh***y roles in my life.

  • anon

    I hate this. i have heard it since I was 7 except obviously i didn’t understand it then. Honestly I just got on to the computer right now to drown out the noises and look for people who have had the same thing as me haha! I’ve never talked to them about it because I really don’t think I have that sort of open relationship with them, but almost every time I get shaky and my whole body goes cold and my heart starts beating really fast and I’ve cried on a couple of occasions. I know it’s a part of life and it’s good they still love each other and everything but I feel (irrationally i know) angry and upset and sort of betrayed that they know fully well how close my room is to theirs and still carry on. I hate the fact that as a 7 year old i heard this and it was my first introduction to the concept of it…that shouldn’t be how anyone learns about it right? I can never look them in the eye in the morning ugh I can’t look at them the same way. Plus they keep the door half open so I can hear things that definitely should only be heard by them..Sorry I feel sick I had to write something!

    • zudozuki

      Gurl, it is so weird cause i felt the same thing. The last time it happened , i had a panic attack! Like i know this is a good sign but for some weird reason i hate it. I get so angry towards them and it totally grosses me out. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I can’t even begin to tell yoy how much i hate it.

      • disqus_UF3bI7QUCu

        It’s not always a good sign. Your parents could just be addicted to sex and not really in love.

  • Yasmin

    What should I do if my parents are having sex with another couple?

  • Jazzy Zigs

    Heard them a few times over the years.. Even once heard my dad wake up and say to my mum “strip”. But last night, jeez man, full on orgasm moaning for a full minute. I just had a knee operation so I made a groan of pain on purpose Then the door closes and I hear bed creaking.

    Worst part is, my mum had just walked into our rooms 10mins ago to see if we were awake and she saw me and was like oh your still awake! Then she goes and has open door ***! Wtf!

  • natalie

    I am 18 years old. My mum and her boyfriend have sex more than once, EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. I completely get that it is natural.
    But at 4am in the morning I do not want to be WOKEN up by it. And listening to music with headphones wont help, im trying to sleep not trying to stay awake!

    • Nate

      LOL feel bad 4 you

  • Annonymous :\

    Last Night I was awake at 2am until about 3am because I was woken up by my mums sex noises, It’s a school night and this has happened before but usually on a weekend… I have (in the past) talked to her and my dad about it and they promised to be quieter but ever since I have almost become ‘afraid’ of hearing them. The first time was about two/ three months ago and I had not been able to get to sleep so I walked into our hallway and laid on the couch with my duvet.All of a sudden, at 7am on the weekend I hear my mum and dad huffing and puffing, being 13 at the time, I started crying and then got up (my room is directly opposite my parents room) and ran into the bathroom and slammed the door, I made a bunch of slamming noises and they stopped, and then I ran downstairs and played on the piano loud enough so they would hear. I So I keep a really powerful fan next to my bed and my radio in-case this does happen, but it was very loud this time and it scares me. It is almost like I have a phobia. As I said, our rooms are opposite, but we live in a very old house and because of it the walls are not well insulated, which means more often than not I wonder what I am hearing late at night. I turned 14 a few weeks ago but it still affects me, I am still afraid and embarrassed to talk to them about it again :\

    • cyndi mouse

      I 100 percent understand feeling embarrassed, afraid, paranoid, or even getting anxiety. I’ve been exposed to sex since I was 4 or five. I knew of it and what it sounded like because of a movie and rude boys at my
      preschool. I wish I was never exposed to it cause I definitely have had the same experience as many on this forum. I was angry as a five year old when I heard my mom do it with her boyfriend because I knew her as my parent who loves and cares for me. Someone who I can always talk and snuggle with. But understanding that she had sex while hearing it kind of ripped her from my lovely bubble and I felt lonely. Fast forward a few years later to age 12 when my mom had been single and abstinent in the House for about 6 years. I was even more shocked/hurt when she got this amazing boyfriend and I had to hear them even Witnness sexual acts between them. Again the whole lonely thing made me upset but I also felt anxiety and paranoia. I would cry and be angry. I’ve done research and as you can see from these comments this is normal and common. Which makes me feel better as a 17 year old. Just the other day I thought I heard my mom pleasuring herself and I was so anxious and upset because her door was open and she had to know I was awake. But really I think I imagined the whole thing or I hope so at least. But I’m so parnoid of any noise i hear and become anxious because of my past. In fact when my mom stretches these days she makes an unusual moan than makes my heart skip a beat every time because it literally triggers me and my whole past with hearing her have sex. I think I need to get over it but I definitely want to be careful for my children in the future because it is scaring and can cause shock to children to hear or witness.

      • disqus_UF3bI7QUCu

        Don’t force yourself to get over it. From so many commenters commenting about this, it actually seems more to me like abuse. Children shouldn’t hear these things and neither should teenagers. It’s not okay. I’ve been subjected to these things, and they truly are at the top of the list of abuse for the way it made me feel.

  • Anna

    Just today I woke up and it was like 2 pm, and I was super hungry so I was going to the kitchen but on my way there I heard my parents having sex, and it totally freaked me out. (Keep in mind my room is next to theirs, but also before I get to the kitchen I have to go past their room). I felt like saying something, but it would have been completely awkward. So what I did instead was to signal that I could hear everything by slamming the refrigerator door, and they still didn’t stop, I was positive that I was not going to eat with those sounds, so I slammed a mug (to make enough noise) and they kind of stopped, and then I ran to my room and slammed the door.. I know it may seem immature and childish but now my parents think I am crazy and are pretending that they don’t know what happened, and it is making me really mad… I want to day something but I can’t. Now it is 4pm, and they want me to go and eat with them in the living room… I know I won’t be able to look at them in the eye for some time.

  • chica

    I hears mhi mom nd stepdad having sex nd I just texted then sayin hey I cant sleep with yhey noise can you stop thank you nd they did but I’m preety angry nd grossed out about it though

  • Kacy

    So my parents have been having sex with their door open. It’s extremely weird. All the rooms share a hallway so when you walk out you can here all kinds of stuff. Not just the bed and the moaning but the stuff that 100% should be between just the people participating. Well they’ve never done that before. They always closed the door. I know that I am 19 years old but I still don’t want to hear them. I think that if you have other people in the house no matter who they are or how old they are, you should close the door to prevent them from hearing. What to I do?

  • ley ley

    I hate it !!! My parents do the same stupid thing I tell told them that I hated it but it looks like thay don’t care seriously. I hear them like every night. My brother stood up for me once but my parents just are really big let downs. It affects me and I tell them that. When I hear them I starts tp cry , I feel like screaming “can urll two stop already ” its really sad !!! I feel thay don’t love me !!!!

    • Anna

      I am sure they love you, but maybe you need to be a bit more firm and be really straight forward, and be secure, lack of confidence to tell them can really affect if they take it seriously or not. Hope this helps. 🙂

    • Kelly kk

      They do love you, it’s just it’s an adult thing having sex and it’s ment to be ‘enjoyable’ but they know you’ve already asked so you should just actually scream shut up and cry in front of them to let them know what your feeling inside 🙂

    • disqus_UF3bI7QUCu

      People are just too addicted to sex. I think it should only be for procreation so humans can advance

  • Jane

    my room is right next to my parents’ room, and the wall is super thin. I knew that i was lucky that i had never heard them having sex until now, but unfortunately that chaned last night. I could hear my mum making noises and i could hear their bed creaking. i was just lying there, absoluetly traumatised, trying not to hear them. and now i’m sitting upstairs rather than going down for breakfast because i just can’t look them in the eye after that.

    • disqus_UF3bI7QUCu

      Yeah, DONT LOOK THEM IN THE EYE and it made me disgusted. It ruined me

  • Anonymous

    It’s eleven o’clock at night, and my mother and her boyfriend are having sex. It’s not very loud, especially over the sound of the heater, but I can still hear it, especially when the room they are in its just down the hall. This is the first time it’s ever happened.

  • Megan

    My dad and stephmom have sex in the morning two o’clock. And i can hear them. There door are open and there bed squeeks .. i hate it. I think i am going to tell my dad i can hear them , but ho

  • anon

    My parents didn’t seem to care about the fact that their two little kids, from age 5 to teenagers, were in the next bed from them or in the camper, or simply just in the next room during midday romps. It was traumatic for me and my brother at first because we had no idea what was happening and it was loud and violent in its own way to us then. Then we realized what was happening and it felt like being voyeurs since they literally were doing it only a few feet away, after we had fallen asleep. As if we would stay asleep. How naive. I often wonder what they were thinking. I am so happy that they loved and love each other so much, but as a grown adult myself now I can’t imagine being like that—not thinking that it would harm anybody. The kicker too is that nobody ever talked about sex when the appropriate time came to have “the talks”. I don’t hate my parents by any means but this was one of the more unbelievable and sad aspects of my own growing up, and I think it affected my brother a lot too although he’d have to speak for himself. Sex is sacred between people and should not be superimposed in any way on young children. There’s a time and a place for it, and I guess to me it just feels like my parents were time and again over ten years overcome with the urge more than they were concerned about their kids. That’s unfortunate and I hope that even if this does happen it can be honestly talked about. I was raised by parents from a noncommunicative generation, so I did my own work and forgiveness on it and choose not to repeat the pattern in my own family.

    • disqus_UF3bI7QUCu

      RESPECT for you

  • :(

    My parents been having sex like every week. I’m going to tell my mom if they can not have sex when I’m home because next year I get my bros room when he goes to collage and I don’t want to hear them.

  • Juliann N

    My parents always have sex and i dont like it my little sister always sleeps in there but they dont care. And plus my room is like right there and before i moved they said for me to go to the living room but that was because the house was bigger and it also had thinner walls which was still bad cause i could still hear them. And now that i moved my room is right there so i hear them every freaking time they do it oh and the living room is right there too in the smaller house and there like ” go to the living room ” but i want to say i cant i can hear you orgasm in there to. But my parents raised me well so i dont say it im just mad the whole day. And also ive heard them for these ages. 4-13 and i can garuntee there will b more

    • disqus_UF3bI7QUCu

      They raised you well to keep your mouth shut about things that are negatively affecting you? That are disturbing you? That’s not being raised well

  • Gab

    I hear mum and dad having sex and the living room is like right next to their bed, and my and my room is closer so dad is so enthusiastic for me to watch tv late. So I sat on the couch and guess what happened. The freaking couch was moving foward and backward like so quick. Oh and I also found a condom in the bin and under my bed full of you know what. I sometimes hear at least once a night in the work holidays. I kinda freaking hate my parents cause they don’t love me!

  • Kayla

    So I’m 14 and my mom and her boyfriend are having sex and it kids grosses me out but I can understand that adults have sex and everything but they do it where I can hear and I’m pretty sure they’re doing it in the living room which makes me really mad because I like sit in the living room and watch tv and stuff and it’s making me really mad I’m having a panic attack and I don’t know what to do!

    • Anonymous

      My mum and dad just did it and 1am! My mum has stopped her periods and my dad is just massive compared to my mum. I woke up when she was making the happy noises and I went to her room to tell her to be quite and then I realised she was having sex!!! I didn’t say anything and went to bed they had sex for nearly 2 hours!!! There was no special occasion.

    • Kel

      Same but w/ my mom and dad and now they’re drunk!!! Help!!!

    • Dani

      Honstly, sex in the living room is complitly crossing the line. Tell your mom in the most softest way what you feel about her being so loud with her boyfriend. That well shake her up a little, but she’ll the limits of having sex when you are around! Even as adults, hey won’t have boundaries any other way