Often when people hear this, they think he took advantage of me, or that he was preying on young girls–but the reality is that I sought him out. I saw him at a dance club one night and thought he was super beautiful. I marched up to him, told him I thought he was cute, and from the minute we started dancing until the end of that summer when I moved abroad for school, we were inseparable.
He was really popular in the club scene, so a ton of people knew him (or at least knew of him)–but a lot of people worried about me being with him, and not just because they didn’t like me dating an older guy! My elder Romeo had a pretty bad reputation. He’d been married and divorced already, was a recovering alcoholic, was known to do drugs, and it was rumored he’d slept with just about every girl in town. I knew all of this, and the truth is, that’s exactly why I wanted to date him.
Up until then, I’d only had two real boyfriends–both of them were super sweet and so good to me–but both of those relationships were so serious. I wanted to finally date someone just for fun–just to go out and make out and have it not be this whole dramatic epic romance. I thought with this guy, it definitely wouldn’t be. Plus, I loved how dangerous he seemed. He was exciting in a totally different way than the boys I’d dated before.Looking back, I definitely put myself in what could have been a scary situation. Being as inexperienced as I was (did I mention I was still a virgin?!), he could have totally manipulated me into all kinds of things–but lucky for me, this guy with his Big Bad Wolf reputation treated me like a princess. I was so determined to live on the edge for once, but instead of taking me up on it, he was uber-protective of me–making sure I never ever got into trouble or felt threatened. When we went to wild parties together, he’d whisk me away to the kitchen and cook for me–that man made great pancakes. And when I told him I hadn’t had sex, he respected that. Sure, he asked if we could (and I think he knew I was thinking about it!) but he never made me feel like I had to sleep with him.
It all made sense–and came to a very disappointing end–when he finally admitted that he’d fallen in love with me. That he hadn’t loved anyone as much as me since his wife. Here I was looking for my first no-strings fling, and Mr. Dangerous had turned into a big, mushy “I want a commitment” puppy dog. Woah. This was way more than I was looking for–and more than I could handle.
Luckily, I already had plans to leave The States and study abroad that September, so I had an easy out. Over the years, I’ve looked back on those few months with him and although I totally understand why I was into it, and what I was looking for in that relationship–I still can’t quite understand what was in it for him (of course, besides my sparkling personality and drop-dead looks–I kid! I kid!). Maybe I made him feel younger? I have no idea.
The bottom line is, I was really fortunate that he was so good to me at a point where some really bad things could have happened. A lot of guys who date girls that much younger than them are predators. I know girls who’ve dated much older guys and been completely taken advantage of.
Obviously I can’t tell you not to date an older guy after telling you a story like mine–but if you are, or if you’re thinking about it, just make sure he’s really respectful of you, that you never feel forced into anything, and that your friends or family know about him and know where you are. I don’t have any regrets, and I don’t want you to, either.
Have you ever dated an older guy? Are you dating an older guy right now? What do you think about an 11-year age difference? Tell me everything in the comments!