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Sexual assault is not your fault. | Source: Shutterstock
Reports say that 20 to 25 percent of women and girls will be the victim of some form of sexual assault. That’s one in four or one in five. It could be you, it could be your best friend, your sister, or your cool aunt. The scary thing is, the number may be even higher than that because so many assaults are unreported, leaving victims to deal with it on their own and leaving perpetrators to roam the streets and claim more victims. This makes Sexual Assault Awareness Month in 2012′s theme all the more important: It’s time to talk about it.
Why are girls afraid to speak up? They feel ashamed, they’re traumatized and just want to put it behind them, they blame themselves, or they think people won’t believe them.
Here’s the thing, girls: It is never your fault! Wearing a skirt does not mean you were asking for it. Flirting with a guy at a party doesn’t obligate you to sleep with him. Passing out doesn’t mean you consented. Drinking and doing drugs can blur your judgment and make consent issues very, very dangerous–but even if you’re under the influence, no is no, and legally an intoxicated person cannot give consent. Even saying yes at first, then telling the guy no and having him not listen is considered non-consensual.
Fair enough, but you’re probably thinking: How does talking help? Well, first of all, talking about sexual assault can help survivors realize they’re not alone, and can encourage other girls and women to come forward to report attacks.
Talking about physical boundaries and consent in relationships can help, too, since How do you talk about consent with the guy you like? Isn’t that an awkward conversation that can kinda kill the mood? Here’s the thing: If the guy isn’t a scumbag, it won’t bother him to talk things out with you. Voicing consent lets each of you know exactly what the other wants, so you’re both more likely to have an enjoyable experience–it’s hard to stay in the moment when you’re so worried about where his hands are wandering, and he’s probably afraid of getting slapped if he tests your limits (and, ladies, he should be).
You won't have to stress if you're prepared and know what to do in case of an assault. | Source: Shutterstock
Talking things out can prevent so many problems from occurring–and they can help remedy issues that have already gone down. If partners talk openly about sex and what they are and aren’t willing to do, we can diminish sexual violence. Similarly, if victims of sexual violence feel like they’re not alone, they will be more likely to speak up, which can help healing and prevent their attackers from striking again.
If you or someone you know are a victim of sexual assault, find help here. For more information on Sexual Assault Awareness Month, click here.
Are you recognizing Sexual Assault Awareness Month? What are you doing to mark Sexual Assault Awareness Month? Let us know in the comments.
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I have been sexually assaulted more than once, and when girls found out that I had been they started calling me a slut and it nearly got me killed after I tried to kill my self by taking sleeping pills ( a total of twenty pills!) I was on suicide watch for over a month and I never could get over the fact that i actually tried to kill myself and to this I say it was never my fault there are sick men(or young men in my case) in the world that will hurt anyone any age or condition just to get off, seen as cool or just for fun. NO ITS NOT YOUR FAULT!
ya it NEVER said all men are bad and this IS a website for FEMALES so thats who its talking to moron not u alisha the other person
it happened to me ..like many tyms but i was afraid to speak up i thought i would b blamed for it n i actually was blamed for it no one believed me they said it was my fault even when it wsnt! but now m pretty over it .:\
Yes, let’s talk about sexual assault, false allegations of it!
I was and some really dont believe me. I finally went to the cops after a while, made a report, they don’t seem like they belive me. His friends and him make it out like they don’t even know me. Idk. :/
This happen to me. It was horrible and I haven’t really told annnyone. Just thinking about it makes me sick. Ha
My step-brother sexually assaulted me, it was horrible but my mum finally caught us and kicked him out, but social services didn’t believe me, I almost got took off my mum (I was 6 at the time) they couldn’t arrest him as they had no proof, the doctors tried to make out I was still getting abused when I obviously wasn’t. Still to this very day I get nervous and scared when i’m around a guy and if people just joke about sexual stuff it makes me feel sick.
Obviously this ruined my whole childhood and I won’t wish this on anyone it’s terrible!
When I was five my best friend (or at least i THOUGHT she was) made me do a lot of things with her. Dhe was two years older than me but I don’t know where she got it from or why me… I thought i was lesbian for many years after it, until I realized that sex is sex, and no matter WHAT gender u are experiencing the act with it can be pleasureful. I took me a long time to figure that out though.
I don’t think that we should touch women at all. Everything it seems is sexual assault or harassment. Just turn your back on women. Don’t touch and don’t look. That’s what they want. And definitely don’t have sex. Because we all know that is rape. When she changes her mind and sends an innocent guy to jail. Because all men are evil. Thank you for letting me know I should hang my head in shame for this whole month.
I just want to point out how generalized and stereotypical your comment is. Some women may be like that for a good or a bad reason. Either way it’s their right to feel safe an to feel good about themselves. If they don’t want to have sex or be looked at or be touched, that’s perfectly fine. What you seem to be implying is that all women are unreasonable and evil. People have the right to be uncomfortable with sexual attention. Have you as a guy ever been pushed up against a wall and told that you were inferior? Have you ever walked by a group of guys who called you baby or wolf whistled or even followed you? If she changes her mind you CAN’T force yourself on her either. We all have rights to change our minds. What if the person she decided not to have sex with had an extremely obvious STD or STI? Should she be expected to follow through so someone’s pride remains intact? People have the right to make decisions for themselves especially as pertains to their HEALTH, SAFETY and MENTAL WELL BEING as we’ll as THEIR BODIES. When people knowingly violate these rights they can’t be allowed to go free otherwise they get it into their head that what they’re doing is acceptable and it’s not.
If it is impossible for a drunken person to give considered consent, I guess that means that a girl who takes advantage of a guy’s drunken state is also raping him, right?
And if two drunken people “change their minds” after they have done the deed and then sobered up, technically I guess that means they both raped each other, right?
SUCH A LUDICROUS LAW.
Women, YOU are responsible if you get drunk and give drunken consent. Maybe you should take responsibility for your actions, mmm?
So if you get drunk you’re expected to have sex? Troll fail.
I was sexually assaulted when i was 11 and so was my sister. i am happy that people do this
im so sorry
Nice feminist and misandric article. This is Feminazi propaganda and dismisses men all together. The “rape” culture is a myth and I’m sick of people perpetuating it like this. I think actual “rape” is a horrible crime, BUT I also believe it is a horrible crime to FALSELY accuse good men of a crime that is redefined by this man hating culture.
1. Consent is consent… it isn’t a crime if you have it. “Legally”, if you are intoxicated YOU ARE responsible for your actions same if you had nothing to drink. Don’t think so? Try to argue your way out of a legal contract by saying “I was drunk”. If you are afraid that you might do something you will regret later… Do us ALL a favor and DON’T drink! If you have no control over your compulsions while drunk, don’t punish a man for it.
2. Sexual (and any other) assault happens to men too. To write a story that casts ALL men in a bad light by arguing a problem as it only being a female problem where only men are the abuser is anti-male to the core.
Men are not ALL bad and for you to infer it is ridiculous and insulting.
I don’t think that they were trying to say that all guys are bad. I understand your anger though because of how often women are made the main victims of sex crimes. It does disappoint me in the gurl team because they didn’t include guys as victims in this article. And I would like to say that I know for a fact that it happens to guys too. I know several males that have been brutally assaulted by women and men. And not all guys are bad. The one I’m with now is living proof to that. I sorry that you were offended and I hope it helps to know that someone else out there shares your concerns.
I can understand your view point. In many cases were males are sexually abused they don’t report it because sometimes I think men have a lot more steriotypes than girls do. My little brother was sexually assulted by a boy cousin of mine. The whole extended family after that was split in two. My cousin before this never had shown any signs of being sexually abused. But a man who had been taken in to their family often went with my cousin alone. So that’s were we think he picked up the habit because he was left alone with us when we were smaller than him and he never did anything like that.
Also, only 30% of the male population report being abused after a certain age because they think they are being weak and not being a “real” man. An uncle of mine was in that situation for 35 years of marriage. Don’t be afraid to speak up of speak out.
To people who have been abused in anyway DON’T feel ashamed of yourself. I’ve been in an abusive situation but no matter why the person says it’s your fault or you think it’s your fault. You’re wrong, the human mind when it is oppressed adapts to the will of the person. If you haven’t spoken out then do. It helps release some of the fear and anxiety. This website is made to express your fears or desires. It helps you feel less trapped when you can reach out for support.
This is a site for females. Go troll people somewhere else. Also, this article didn’t say all men are bad, so you are obviously a hypocrite for inferring that.
are YOU a man? cuz by what ur posting it seems like it