How To Tell Him “I’m A Virgin”

young teen couple in a parkYou’re dating so you’ve gotta let him know, right? Wrong. You are not obligated to disclose your V status to anyone. Even if you are about to be sexual or have intercourse for the first time it’s your decision to tell or not to tell.

That being said, the reasons some of us want to ring the bell and say, “hey dude, I’m a virgin” run the gamut. Maybe you’re scared and don’t want your partner to misinterpret your fear as you being disinterested. Another reason to speak up is that you are really feeling someone but you want to take things s-l-o-wwwww-ly. Others of us are waiting until after we’re married as a religious decision. Some want their partner to have a choice too. All great reasons.

2. Should I tell him just before we do it?

For most of our lives we’re told to be in the moment. However, if you want to disclose to a sexual partner that you’re a virgin, the moment to talk about it is before you hit the sheets. Why? Well we place such a premium on virginity that some guys flat out don’t want the perceived responsibility of being someone’s first. Others may feel special and still others may not care. You’ve made a choice of free will, give your partner the respect to do the same by having the convo in a neutral moment.

3. It’s too weird. Can I just text, email or voicemail?

Texting saves us all of the awkward moments and weird convos, right? Wrong. Those possibly uncomfortable moments are what bonds a couple together and creates healthy moments of intimacy. If you can’t get comfy speaking frankly with someone, should you really be having sex with them? Not to be judgey, but I’m gonna say no on this one.

4. What if I’m waiting for love or marriage?

If you want to wait until marriage to have sex, you should definitely let your BF know in the beginning stages of the relationship. If he runs, so what? Now you have room to find someone on the same path you are–and believe me, they’re out there!

The same goes if your policy is no sex without love. If you are choosing not to drop it like it’s hot to any casual date or no strings attached friend with benefits, good for you. Disclose early. If he’s not the one, cool. Find someone on the same relationship clock.

5. But . . . how do I say it?

Things in life are only as dramatic as we make them. Don’t make an appointment for “a talk.” When you’re alone just say something like, “Hey! I am really feeling you so I thought it was important to let you know that I haven’t had sex yet. I was pretty sure you wouldn’t freak out but I just thought you should know. How do you feel about that?”

Bottom line: It’s your body, your choice, and your experience. Take care of yourself and just make sure you feel comfortable every step of the way.

Have you ever told a guy you were a virgin? How did it go? Tell me everything in the comments!

You’ll Never Guess Who Else Is A Virgin!


Posted in: Discuss, Health, Sex & Relationships, Love&Sex, Relationships, Sex, Uncategorized, Virginity
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  • OlderGuy

    MEN cherish a virgin. Boys just want to pluck the cherry. Please wait until you have met ‘the one’. Virginity is something to be shared with your life partner, your spouse. Only someone very juvenile wouldn’t think it is a true gift to be given to the right man.

  • Skylar

    Okay so i’m 15, and i’m not quite sure how to tell my bf that i’m a virgin….I’ve read all your guys’s comments and most of them have made me nervous…Will someone please help?

  • Bella

    My boyfriend wants to.. you know.. do it with me. I’m not sure if I’m ready, I’m only 14.. I don’t know if he knows I’m a virgin, I think he does, but we’ve never really talked about it. /.\ It came up once but neither of us talked about whether we’re virgins or not. I feel like he’s more experienced, because he acts like it. I don’t know if it’s because he’s 16 or what. /.\

  • Sarah

    The guy I was dating distanced himself after I told him until he dumped me. How great. I only told him so that he would have felt special when it would have happened as I really wanted him to be my first. Never gonna tell another guy ever again.

  • lissa

    I am planning to stay a virgin until marriage. Telling my boyfriend was a bit nerve-racking because he gave off such a vibe of being so experienced, but we talked about it, and it turns out he was not quite as experienced as he seemed and he was totally okay with waiting. You just need to talk through it.

    • renna

      i am planning to stay a virgin until marrige. some time u stared to early and end up regretting it.

  • InnocentGia

    Well this guy and I had been hanging out for a while. We were getting somewhere and all but he wasn’t officially my boyfriend yet. So we were making out in his room one day and we got really turned on. He wanted to go ahead and do it but i said no and he stopped. Then i just went ahead and asked him how many times he’d done it nd he said 4. Then he asked ‘what about you?’. I jus shook my head and said ‘I’m a virgin’. Of course he teased me. ‘What? Such people still exist??’ But we laughed it off and it was cool.

  • alisha

    im 19 and im a virgin, im scared to tell a guy im a virgin because i dont know how he’s going to take it. ummm Girls around this town don’t exactly believe in virgins lol. its kind of sad because all my friends and younger cousins are out having sex with any and everybody. and im just there all awkward and stuff when ever they talk about there sexual experiences. The people around me make feel like its a bad thing to be a virgin. this is a small town so there are not very many virgins. and I always feel lame becuz my younger cousins are always telling me stories about there sex life. and im older than them so it always feels akward. I wanna have sex but i dont wanna do it becuz i feel pressured to do what everybody is doin or i feel like im the outcast. but now ive been talking this guy for quite some time and I really like him the thing is, he thinks im not a virgin and idk how to tell him I am. becuz I dnt want to feel rejected again. im scared becuz the 1st guy I ever told tht i was a virgin he freaked out and didnt want to be my first becuz he felt like i was gonna be attached to him. so he stop talking me and pretty much avoided me. my guess is he was just in it for the sex and didn’t want a relationship. but im not that kind of girl I wanna feel special and in love when I have my first time. idk I just need somebodys opinion abt how I should tell this guy. bcuz right now I feel alone like I cant relate to anyone, and none of my friends understand bucuz nobody around me is a virgin. so I need help….. any opinions would be nice

    • Steve

      In my experiences, the guys who won’t sleep with virgins are the ones who care the most…

      • Becky

        What in the world does that mean? If you want to have sex with them and you don’t see the first time as anything to write home about, then they’re running out the door playing the “gentleman” card thinking you’ll cry then imprint on them like a baby gosling…yeah…exactly how is that “caring the most”? Isn’t that essentially thinking you know more about who they are than they do? Thus taking away their autonomy?

    • Lex Monai

      This is a little late, but don’t worry. To be a virgin is something sacred. If they’re all the same kind of girls then be different and you’ll find someone different. I don’t know if you’ve lost it by now, but if you have then I would say to only give your body to a man you really love. Someone who deserves it. A woman’s body is as special as gold and diamonds so a man has to earn it. In the end, it’s your life so you call the shots on how comfortable you feel with your own decisions.

  • Anili285

    I met this guy over the internet, we chatted for months but then we met for the first time at Valentine’s when he asked me out on a dinner. We started to hang out mor oftern and to be honest I was feeling it for him really bad. One night we were making out on his car and things got steamy!! I just didn’t keep my mouth shut and shout at him while we were kissing…”I’ve never been with a man before”… (at this point I already knew he had a past relationship and of course he was sexually experienced) I just told him about my Virginity because things were getting little deep. His reaction was… “I’m fucked” which until now I am not sure what he really meant. He was overwhelmed and asked me if we want us to be friends . . . I was like “What”??? Then I felt embarrased for telling him about my most well-kept secret. I took the risk not knowing what to expect from this guy. I thought it was the end. We are taking it slowly right now and he says we don’t need to rush anything. For that reason he told me I am the best thing ever happened to him… For a guy (depends which ones) virginity could be scary and at some point a responsability but for others is just like a blessing for putting V-girls into their lives.

  • Steentje

    When I told my boyfriend about my virginity, his first reaction was “Oh… Maybe it’s better if we talking about other things” so I got upset and was being cold towards him. Later on we had a better talk and he told me that he thought that I was feeling uncomfortable about it, so that was why he said that maybe it was better to change topic. My boyfriend is kind of ‘perverted’, and he’s always teasing me with it, but he told me that he will wait for me no matter what and that we won’t just have sex but that he’ll “make love” to me. Those were the sweetest words I’ve heard, my boyfriend is really cute! ^^

  • livie

    I am 15, almost 16. I sort of have a friends with benefits going on like we give each other oral etc but we havent had inrercourse. In some ways I feel i am ready but in someways I am not. I am not on birth control so I am worried, i know he could wear a condom but there would still be a chance. I really want to loose my virginity but I don’t want to get pregnant & there is nooo way I would ask my parents to get me birth control as they think I am “innocent”

    • caitlyn

      well I had that problem to so I asked a person in my family who I knew wouldn’t tell my mom or dad and she got the birth control pills for me so it would be easier to ask an older sister or an aunt

      • Gina

        Asking an older cousin or a trusted Aunt to get the pill for you is a great idea, Livie, because intercourse sex is so much fun and if you do it with boys you know and are sure are trustworthy, there shouldn’t be any problems. Livie, I also noticed that you have “friends” that you give each other oral sex so you are halfway there, and when you get the pill and have intercourse with them, you will feel truly like a woman. If you already have oral sex with them then they should be trustworthy. Don’t make the mistake of settling on one guy, do it with ALL the “friends” you are doing orally. It is so much fun for me to have all kinds of sex with more than one partner.

  • Amy

    I am twenty three and I am waiting till I am married. 🙂

    • katie

      you go girl!

    • Gina

      Amy you are missing out on a lot of fun. When you finally have intercourse, you will regret that you waited so long. I started at 13 and I am happy I did.

      • africanbeauty01

        it might be fun, but what about when u accidentally get pregnant at a young age and all your future plans are shattered? will it be fun then??

      • Popcorn

        Isn’t 13 a little young to have sexual intercourse?

      • Giu

        Gina, how amazing for you! But it’s a matter of choices. I’m 21 and also waiting till marriage, and it IS a big deal for me… Everybody can choose the best moments for them…

    • Monyia S.

      Me too… I’m 20. Waiting until marriage. Hopefully it will be less complications and we are getting married for everything else, not just because of sex or other unnecessary situations

    • Athena

      I’m 22 and also waiting! At least for love. I’m glad to hear there are others! I always have mixed feelings because I feel so old to be a virgin, but then I start getting serious with a guy I don’t care about in that way, and it’s all clear again. Having priorities set really helps. All the guys I’ve been with are extremely nice and sweet, but they don’t deserve my V card. The guy who deserves my hand will deserve my V card.

  • Jane

    I actually asked him first haha i HATE awkward situations with him so i got to him before he got to me. i made him tell me about his first time and then he was like “so what dude got in your panties?” haha i said “how do you anyone did?” and he said “did they?” i was like “idk did they?” he was like “no.” and i was like “okay then.” haha i think it was cute.

  • bailey

    i did not read this but i read the first paragraph so um i don’t know what to say

  • missprettybaby96

    I’m 16 (gonna be 17 in a few months!) and I’m a virgin. I’m kind of complicated, I think. I want to lose my virginity right now, but I also want it to be special and with a guy whom I love and respect and he feels the same way about me. There is no way in hell that I would be able to do anything with any guy, unless it’s at church (which I would never have sex in a church). My parents basically have me on lock-down since I was a freshman in high school (since November 2010), because of the trouble I got into at school. I cannot wait until I graduate high school (May 2014!!), because I’ll be 18 and graduated and my parents will have NO control over me.

    I’ve told plenty of guys that I’m not a virgin. Most of the guys that I’ve told are friends and they asked. There’s only been a few that I’ve told freely at my own choice to tell. I feel fine when I tell a guy that I’m a virgin. The guys who I have told never made fun of me or never stopped talking to me or anything negative. In fact, a few have even told me they think it’s sweet and cute of me that I’m still a virgin and that they don’t see a lot of girls who are virgins anymore and that they wish there was.

  • truefaith

    i’m 21, told my boyfriend that i would only lose my virginity after we got married, so if he’s not okay with it he could leave me now and ran away… but he said he’s not with me because of sex but because he’s in love with me, he would wait and marry me to prove to me that he’s unlike any guy and that he’s worth it 🙂

  • A girl…

    Hey you reckon that’s awkward, when I was 12 my boyfriend asked me if I was a virgin. At the time I didn’t know what the heck it was so I just said I dunno hahah. Then I found out and I was like. “Yeah yes yes!!! I’m a virgin, defiantly!!!” Haha

    Embarrassing!

    • cady

      HAHA! that is so cute!

  • Belinda

    I accidently told him oops it sought-a just came out word vomit

  • Yanga

    Hey I’m 21and I really like this guy; we’ve messed around a few times but we haven’t gone all the way. I have never really gone all the way and I know he thinks I have. I told him he’d have to wait before we had sex and although at first reluctant he agreed. I’m not sure if I should tell him I’m a virgin because I feel I’ve already led him on, and I don’t want to scare him by mentioning to him that I’m a virgin. At the same time I feel like ending it here as I always do with my relationships. Is that okay?

  • raveen123

    hay as we on the subject i wanna lose my virginity but mu mum is so mean that she says u can only lose it when you get married ! (ikr help) but i dont want to be the odd one out in my group of friends 🙁 so i wanna do it behind my mums back thats what my sister did but my mum found out with out her tell my mum ! my mum says there type of signs i am now scared cuse if i do do it behind my mum back will she find out ?

    plz help :S xxxx

    • nchangirl

      I don’t recommend doing it. You shouldn’t lose your virginity especially if you want to be like your friends. If you feel pressured, tell them. They’ll understand. And if they still urge you to have sex, then they aren’t the right friends. Your mother isn’t mean; she is just worried about your safety; especially if your sister did what you want to do. You don’t have to lose your virginity when you’re married, that may just be your mom’s belief or what she wants for you, but you should make sure that it’s special, and safe. Sex seems fun but you also have to be sure of many things: health, if it’s the right person, and so forth. Make sure to do a LOT of advanced research on sex. Use not only birth control but male protection too; if he doesn’t use anything it’s way more dangerous. You should also make sure that both of you are clean, you can get tested. But if you’re too young than you shouldn’t be having sex in the first place. It’s a very mature experience. I’m a virgin myself but I have an older sister who got pregnant. She didn’t really know about all of the precautions. She’s a great mother to her children, but she does say she wish that she could’ve waited. A lot of things can happen from sex–disease, pregnancy, heartbreak–so if you decide to do it, any form of it, make sure you feel 100 percent ready, you’ve already discussed it with your significant other–never do it with someone you don’t love and trust–and make sure you are committed enough with them, you know your facts, the dangers and if you don’t feel right yet, don’t do it, even if everyone around you is. Virginity is a very important thing and sex is serious. If you want to do it, make sure you’re alright; if you want to wait, go ahead. Just make sure that you’re alright, safe and comfortable with whatever decisions you make. 🙂

      • lovestruckrose

        I tottaly agree but I am in a sticky mess to my bf 17 and me 16 he has had 3 girls in his pants me none I don’t know what to do but I must be able to him anything he is amazing and I love him and want to wait BUT I am the odd one out bewteen my friends I shoundt even be posting a comment can anyone help me

    • sxyangelbabe

      I feel so sorry for you. I cannot believe you need your moms permission to lose your virginity.
      Well how old is the guy? Does he have his own place? do you do sleep overs at friends place? If you do can they cover for you while you have that rmantic time with your bf?
      By the way, your sexuality is your property. It does not belong to your parents. Does not belong to your society. The law does not own it either. So if you choose to have sex it MUST be ONLY you who makes that decision and NO ONE else. Dont let anyone else feed you with guilt and other moral rubbish. Sex is a normal aspect of life. There is no right or wrong time. It happens when you want it to happen. You dont go to heaven if you are a virgin. When you die you turn to dust. LOL. So live your life fully, have fun and enjoy the benefits of the functions god gave your body. Marriage, morals, ethics are all MAN MADE concepts. Gosh there are even Laws to govern our sexuality. Dont you think we humans are stupid and think that we can control how we function? Just be sensible and take precautions and be discreet if you dont want anyone to know. If you want to do it you will find a way. Good Luck. My bf has his own place. 😛

    • Immiki

      Im sorry if this response is really late, i just discovered this amazing page. Its up to you if you want to loose your virginity or not, in my opinion, and to prevent your mom from discovering it, i’d say you first be aware of your habits, your way of dressing, the food you normally eat, etc. and, after you’ve done it, try to keep in line the same things you used to do. Remember, be yourself. Dont try to change to another person just to keep the secret. If its too much, then remember you can always apologize later.

    • Briyani J.

      Don’t Feel Like The Odd Ball. Save Yourself And I Promise That You Will Feel Much Better About Yourself In The Future. But Ultimately It Has To Be A Smart Decision On Your Part. You Aren’t The Only One Who Feels Like You Do. It’s Normal To Want To Experience Sex, But That Doesn’t Mean You have To. Curiosity Kills The Cat.

  • Michellee12

    I’m 16 & and I told my boyfriend that I was a virgin and he took it great . He thinks it’s super cute that I’m saving myself . its seems super hard to find a girl that’s still a Virgin. the best part about it he said he’ll wait as long as he has to and it makes me feel great inside just knowing that he’s not in it for the sex .

    • Layla546

      You my friend, have found the perfect guy. 🙂

    • Giu

      Aaaaww any guy that doesn’t push you in any way is such a keeper!!! Congratulations miss!!!