Boards
It might be a good thing to tell him! | Source: Shutterstock
What is virginity, anyway? My BFF always used to say oral sex didn’t count, that you only lost your virginity if you went all the way to homebase. Well, last time I checked, neither you nor your body was a baseball game to be won and conquered.
And while we’re at it, let’s talk language, chicas. ‘Losing’ your virginity? What, like losing a locket in the bleachers? You can’t lose anything on your body. As a thinking, feeling human being you can make choices though. You are precious and special, not your v-card. After all, you’re not a delicate flower or Virgin Barbie branded with a scarlet V. You’re a real live, kick ass girl!
Okay my virgin friend, at some point in the future you may or may not choose to end your virginity. Mazel to you and whatever you decide. So how do you say “I am a virgin” without feeling totally, awkwardly, fatally embarrassed?
Here’s what you need to know…
1. Do I have to tell him?
Awesome relationships are built on communication! | Source: Shutterstock
That being said, the reasons some of us want to ring the bell and say, “hey dude, I’m a virgin” run the gamut. Maybe you’re scared and don’t want your partner to misinterpret your fear as you being disinterested. Another reason to speak up is that you are really feeling someone but you want to take things s-l-o-wwwww-ly. Others of us are waiting until after we’re married as a religious decision. Some want their partner to have a choice too. All great reasons.
2. Should I tell him just before we do it?
For most of our lives we’re told to be in the moment. However, if you want to disclose to a sexual partner that you’re a virgin, the moment to talk about it is before you hit the sheets. Why? Well we place such a premium on virginity that some guys flat out don’t want the perceived responsibility of being someone’s first. Others may feel special and still others may not care. You’ve made a choice of free will, give your partner the respect to do the same by having the convo in a neutral moment.
3. It’s too weird. Can I just text, email or voicemail?
Texting saves us all of the awkward moments and weird convos, right? Wrong. Those possibly uncomfortable moments are what bonds a couple together and creates healthy moments of intimacy. If you can’t get comfy speaking frankly with someone, should you really be having sex with them? Not to be judgey, but I’m gonna say no on this one.
If you want to wait and he doesn't? Find someone else! | Source: Shutterstock
If you want to wait until marriage to have sex, you should definitely let your BF know in the beginning stages of the relationship. If he runs, so what? Now you have room to find someone on the same path you are–and believe me, they’re out there!
The same goes if your policy is no sex without love. If you are choosing not to drop it like it’s hot to any casual date or no strings attached friend with benefits, good for you. Disclose early. If he’s not the one, cool. Find someone on the same relationship clock.
5. But . . . how do I say it?
Things in life are only as dramatic as we make them. Don’t make an appointment for “a talk.” When you’re alone just say something like, “Hey! I am really feeling you so I thought it was important to let you know that I haven’t had sex yet. I was pretty sure you wouldn’t freak out but I just thought you should know. How do you feel about that?”
Bottom line: It’s your body, your choice, and your experience. Take care of yourself and just make sure you feel comfortable every step of the way.
Have you ever told a guy you were a virgin? How did it go? Tell me everything in the comments!
You’ll Never Guess Who Else Is A Virgin!
Would You Rather?
Well im a 23 year old virgin and is not because im religious or waiting till marriage i just havent found anyone that i am attracted enough to lose it to. I have never had a boyfriend (which is weird at my age) because i have only liked 3 guys in my whole entire life and it didnt work out with any of them. The weird part of me is that i dont look like a virgin. I have a very sexy image which throws off a lot of guys and would never in a millions year think i am virgin and im also very attractive(even though i dont feel it because i have low self esteem but im always getting compliments). My biggest nightmare is the day that i finally meet someone that i am ACTUALLY attracted to how am i going to tell him im a virgin and never had a boyfriend? i feel like if i were to say that to any guy they would automitacally think im weird and not talk to me. So that is my fear of my life and it makes it way harder when people tell you that you look like a porn star so they automatically assume by your image that you have been with a lot of guys, and that is what everyone always thinks of me. Im tall 5’8, blonde hair, fake boobs (but natural looking),and wear alot of makeup because i love it, but my image always confuses people and it makes it harder for me to tell a guy that im a virgin just because anyone who looks at me would NEVER think i am.
I told this guy I liked that I was a virgin, I was really nervous and anxious to tell him because I didn’t know how he was gonna react, and I didn’t want it to be awkward. He said “oh I’m sorry I didn’t men to be pushy” I told him it was OK and that I had to let him know, and wanted to know what he thought about me telling him, I haven’t gotten a response yet……..
i told my Bf i was a virgin he thought it was great then a few weeks later we got it on and i preformed oral sex on him ,him on me .he really wanted to do it but i refused him and i felt guilty but then a week later he dumped me? KNOW was i right to refuse him because that ended the relationship? i think i was but know i feel insecure and dont feel like having a another boy touch btw im 17 and im the virgin in my friend group i feel left behind.:(
I’m that rare 21 yr old virgin. Sometimes its hard when your friends are talking about sex and you feel a little left out. but the bottom line is I’ve never been in love. With me, I usually just let things go at a natural pace and when I get to a point where I’m no longer comfortable, I slow things down and tell him we are not at that place yet. Then I wait a while until we’ve both calmed down and let him know the reason is because I’m a virgin. Most guys are totally cool with it. Just stop and think to yourself if this place and time and guy are what you want to remember for the rest of your life. Hope this helped ladies. Power to the V card club! =)
VAP= virgins and proud you go girl im part of the v card club to even though most of my friends did it like years back
I am also a rare 21 year old virgin. And my reason is pretty much bang on the same as yours. Ive definitely had my changes, now Im just waiting for the right person. I figure, Ive waited this long, why just “throw” it away now
im a virgin..yayy..lol when i was with my boyfriend he was a virgin too. so there wasn’t to much pressure at first. Then he started hanging with his older cousin and wanted to be sexual with me very quick. Any hor we are no longer together and he still hit me up sometimes talking about lets chill?. When i know he means have sex. SMH glad i saved my V card.
Well I’m 15 and I’m a virgin I have a boyfriend his name is Oscar I been with him for a year and three months out relationship is way different because we are long distance he lives in Michigan while I live in Texas we are both in high school he going to be a junior and I’m going to e a sophomore.when we first met we both thought it was low at first sight when we were already a year together we started talking about sex and I told him I didnt want to have sex until he put a ring in it at first he didn’t really like it then he changed his mind and said that’s it better if we save ourselfs for eachother.i also havent had my first kiss so he doesn’t know that but yeah I do want to prove my mom wrong because she always says I’m going be 16 and pregnant but as long as I’m with Oscar I will be a virgin until he asks me to marry him
I told my boyfriend that I was waiting for marrige. He was totally cool with it.
This guy i know likes me, i have known him now for 7 months and he just told me likes me, he said he has liked ever sense he saw me on the first day of the semester. We have been talking everyday and we hang out sometimes. I dont know how i feel. But we play the question game all the time trew email. One time he asked if i was going to wait for marrige and i explained i have strong christian morals(we are both christians) and i told him i am waiting. He was glad to hear it, and agreed. He is awesome.
Omg! Thanks god I’m single right now.
hi im jenni and i have this boyfreind his name is austin and i we have been dating ever sence we were 10 witch is 8 years! and i love him but i feel as if he is trying to presser me into having sex and it kinda scares me all of my other freinds have had sex with there boyfreinds witch ended up using them for sex and then braking up with my freinds only the next day and i just dont want to be used i want to know that he will stay with me after
If hes really benn with you for eight years. Chances are he isnt trying to use you. If he was just in it for the sex at ten…. something is clearly wrong with him. Try having an intimate moment before talking about it, but if your really worried he might leave you, tell him that you want to but that he has to promise things will stay the same afterwords.
If he loves you then he wont pressure u into having sex.
well i was texting my bf and he was you need to let me hit that ……………. and i was like lol dhats kind of funny considering my self a virgin and he waslike wow really and i was like yeah and he was like so what do you think about that im like ur gona be my first its aloth im gona be thinking about and he was like well how do yhu feel about me being ur first …. i told him that it would mean alot to me.
I’m a virgin by choice and honestly I really am happy with my choice. I look at all my friends and they all seem like they have to HAVE sex like it’s a necessity it’s a little sad to me. I’m glad that I’m going to wait for that special someone who will be willing to wait and love me if i choose to loose it or not.
im right with ya sista
I’m 12 and even though I’m not really a virgin I classify myself as one 2 months ago on my birthday I was raped by my 16 year old cousin we never visit him any more but when I see him at the shops and stuff he always smiles at me and says how u doin v then he goes oh wait I’m sorry I changed that for you didn’t I. I seriously hate him and sometimes cry myself to sleep at night! Sorry that was a bit pointless I just needed to get that off my chest. Anyway is it weird I still think of myself as a virgin
I am a virgin and I told my boyfriend and he said I wont be any more so we had sex
How are you a virgin if you had sex with your boyfriend? Having sex means you are no longer a virgin, yet you started your comment with “I am a virgin” and ended with “so we had sex”.
I’m 18 years old, all my best friends and close friends have all had sex. Weather good or bad or still in progress. I don’t agree with how fast they did end up having sex. I feel left out a lot when sex convos come up. &yeah they pick on me but it’s all good were friends uk. But I wanna wait till I have a engagement ring on my finger. That way I have a pretty clear answer that they aren’t going to be going anywhere. I hate seeing my friends hurt over a break up, having had sex with a person n breaking up hurts wayy more then just a long term bf that you didn’t have sex with does. Just be smart n do what you want not what others want.
i stopped telling guys i am virgin (even though i did not think it was a big deal).
guys would HOUND me to be my first.
and it got scary.
i learned my lesson and from now on, when they ask…i don’t say a WORD.
and let them figure out for themselves lol.
Being a virgin ROCKS! When I was a virign I walked with my head up high ,proud and I wasn’t afraid to say it to anyone. Think about it. You have something That so many girls wish they could go back and do it all over again w/ someone that truly matters. Hold on as long as u can girls. Sex is a lot of hype. But that first time is VERY memorable weather it’s good or bad.
im 16, and i told my bf i was a virgin and that i shared my first kiss with him, and he liked it cuz im not giving out. he wants to do stuff in the future, and he wants it to be special, but he also understands im like a delicate flower. he is older than me though, just by 9 months, and hes had sex with various girls before. which grosses me out. but, i really like him.
Pingback: Sex On The Wire: Signs He’s Not Over His Ex
I’m not going to lie, I’m a very akward person. When I start liking a new guy I try to get one of my friends to say I’m a virgin in a joke or in converstation when we’re with them. In my group of friends it’s expected that you’re going to have sex in the beggining of a relationship, or for a hookup. (I’m 20 btw) The guys have never cared. Some of them see it as a challege, a change to take my virginity. I always tell them flat out that yes, I’m a virgin. No, i’m not sure when I’ll be ready/want to loss it so if that’s all you want, please walk away. I’ve had some people walk away but who cares? If they walked away that means they were wrong for me.
Girls, don’t be shy! I also said to my boyfriend I was virgin at the crucial point.
It was not difficult at all. He was so sweet and protective…