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It might be a good thing to tell him! | Source: Shutterstock
What is virginity, anyway? My BFF always used to say oral sex didn’t count, that you only lost your virginity if you went all the way to homebase. Well, last time I checked, neither you nor your body was a baseball game to be won and conquered.
And while we’re at it, let’s talk language, chicas. ‘Losing’ your virginity? What, like losing a locket in the bleachers? You can’t lose anything on your body. As a thinking, feeling human being you can make choices though. You are precious and special, not your v-card. After all, you’re not a delicate flower or Virgin Barbie branded with a scarlet V. You’re a real live, kick ass girl!
Okay my virgin friend, at some point in the future you may or may not choose to end your virginity. Mazel to you and whatever you decide. So how do you say “I am a virgin” without feeling totally, awkwardly, fatally embarrassed?
Here’s what you need to know…
1. Do I have to tell him?
Awesome relationships are built on communication! | Source: Shutterstock
That being said, the reasons some of us want to ring the bell and say, “hey dude, I’m a virgin” run the gamut. Maybe you’re scared and don’t want your partner to misinterpret your fear as you being disinterested. Another reason to speak up is that you are really feeling someone but you want to take things s-l-o-wwwww-ly. Others of us are waiting until after we’re married as a religious decision. Some want their partner to have a choice too. All great reasons.
2. Should I tell him just before we do it?
For most of our lives we’re told to be in the moment. However, if you want to disclose to a sexual partner that you’re a virgin, the moment to talk about it is before you hit the sheets. Why? Well we place such a premium on virginity that some guys flat out don’t want the perceived responsibility of being someone’s first. Others may feel special and still others may not care. You’ve made a choice of free will, give your partner the respect to do the same by having the convo in a neutral moment.
3. It’s too weird. Can I just text, email or voicemail?
Texting saves us all of the awkward moments and weird convos, right? Wrong. Those possibly uncomfortable moments are what bonds a couple together and creates healthy moments of intimacy. If you can’t get comfy speaking frankly with someone, should you really be having sex with them? Not to be judgey, but I’m gonna say no on this one.
If you want to wait and he doesn't? Find someone else! | Source: Shutterstock
If you want to wait until marriage to have sex, you should definitely let your BF know in the beginning stages of the relationship. If he runs, so what? Now you have room to find someone on the same path you are–and believe me, they’re out there!
The same goes if your policy is no sex without love. If you are choosing not to drop it like it’s hot to any casual date or no strings attached friend with benefits, good for you. Disclose early. If he’s not the one, cool. Find someone on the same relationship clock.
5. But . . . how do I say it?
Things in life are only as dramatic as we make them. Don’t make an appointment for “a talk.” When you’re alone just say something like, “Hey! I am really feeling you so I thought it was important to let you know that I haven’t had sex yet. I was pretty sure you wouldn’t freak out but I just thought you should know. How do you feel about that?”
Bottom line: It’s your body, your choice, and your experience. Take care of yourself and just make sure you feel comfortable every step of the way.
Have you ever told a guy you were a virgin? How did it go? Tell me everything in the comments!
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I’m 16 (gonna be 17 in a few months!) and I’m a virgin. I’m kind of complicated, I think. I want to lose my virginity right now, but I also want it to be special and with a guy whom I love and respect and he feels the same way about me. There is no way in hell that I would be able to do anything with any guy, unless it’s at church (which I would never have sex in a church). My parents basically have me on lock-down since I was a freshman in high school (since November 2010), because of the trouble I got into at school. I cannot wait until I graduate high school (May 2014!!), because I’ll be 18 and graduated and my parents will have NO control over me.
I’ve told plenty of guys that I’m not a virgin. Most of the guys that I’ve told are friends and they asked. There’s only been a few that I’ve told freely at my own choice to tell. I feel fine when I tell a guy that I’m a virgin. The guys who I have told never made fun of me or never stopped talking to me or anything negative. In fact, a few have even told me they think it’s sweet and cute of me that I’m still a virgin and that they don’t see a lot of girls who are virgins anymore and that they wish there was.
i’m 21, told my boyfriend that i would only lose my virginity after we got married, so if he’s not okay with it he could leave me now and ran away… but he said he’s not with me because of sex but because he’s in love with me, he would wait and marry me to prove to me that he’s unlike any guy and that he’s worth it
Hey you reckon that’s awkward, when I was 12 my boyfriend asked me if I was a virgin. At the time I didn’t know what the heck it was so I just said I dunno hahah. Then I found out and I was like. “Yeah yes yes!!! I’m a virgin, defiantly!!!” Haha
Embarrassing!
I accidently told him oops it sought-a just came out word vomit
Hey I’m 21and I really like this guy; we’ve messed around a few times but we haven’t gone all the way. I have never really gone all the way and I know he thinks I have. I told him he’d have to wait before we had sex and although at first reluctant he agreed. I’m not sure if I should tell him I’m a virgin because I feel I’ve already led him on, and I don’t want to scare him by mentioning to him that I’m a virgin. At the same time I feel like ending it here as I always do with my relationships. Is that okay?
hay as we on the subject i wanna lose my virginity but mu mum is so mean that she says u can only lose it when you get married ! (ikr help) but i dont want to be the odd one out in my group of friends
so i wanna do it behind my mums back thats what my sister did but my mum found out with out her tell my mum ! my mum says there type of signs i am now scared cuse if i do do it behind my mum back will she find out ?
plz help :S xxxx
I don’t recommend doing it. You shouldn’t lose your virginity especially if you want to be like your friends. If you feel pressured, tell them. They’ll understand. And if they still urge you to have sex, then they aren’t the right friends. Your mother isn’t mean; she is just worried about your safety; especially if your sister did what you want to do. You don’t have to lose your virginity when you’re married, that may just be your mom’s belief or what she wants for you, but you should make sure that it’s special, and safe. Sex seems fun but you also have to be sure of many things: health, if it’s the right person, and so forth. Make sure to do a LOT of advanced research on sex. Use not only birth control but male protection too; if he doesn’t use anything it’s way more dangerous. You should also make sure that both of you are clean, you can get tested. But if you’re too young than you shouldn’t be having sex in the first place. It’s a very mature experience. I’m a virgin myself but I have an older sister who got pregnant. She didn’t really know about all of the precautions. She’s a great mother to her children, but she does say she wish that she could’ve waited. A lot of things can happen from sex–disease, pregnancy, heartbreak–so if you decide to do it, any form of it, make sure you feel 100 percent ready, you’ve already discussed it with your significant other–never do it with someone you don’t love and trust–and make sure you are committed enough with them, you know your facts, the dangers and if you don’t feel right yet, don’t do it, even if everyone around you is. Virginity is a very important thing and sex is serious. If you want to do it, make sure you’re alright; if you want to wait, go ahead. Just make sure that you’re alright, safe and comfortable with whatever decisions you make.
I feel so sorry for you. I cannot believe you need your moms permission to lose your virginity.
Well how old is the guy? Does he have his own place? do you do sleep overs at friends place? If you do can they cover for you while you have that rmantic time with your bf?
By the way, your sexuality is your property. It does not belong to your parents. Does not belong to your society. The law does not own it either. So if you choose to have sex it MUST be ONLY you who makes that decision and NO ONE else. Dont let anyone else feed you with guilt and other moral rubbish. Sex is a normal aspect of life. There is no right or wrong time. It happens when you want it to happen. You dont go to heaven if you are a virgin. When you die you turn to dust. LOL. So live your life fully, have fun and enjoy the benefits of the functions god gave your body. Marriage, morals, ethics are all MAN MADE concepts. Gosh there are even Laws to govern our sexuality. Dont you think we humans are stupid and think that we can control how we function? Just be sensible and take precautions and be discreet if you dont want anyone to know. If you want to do it you will find a way. Good Luck. My bf has his own place.
I’m 16 & and I told my boyfriend that I was a virgin and he took it great . He thinks it’s super cute that I’m saving myself . its seems super hard to find a girl that’s still a Virgin. the best part about it he said he’ll wait as long as he has to and it makes me feel great inside just knowing that he’s not in it for the sex .
You my friend, have found the perfect guy.