My First Time Having Sex

when I was losing my virginity, I had sex on a waterbed like this one

I didn’t so much lose my virginity as I was relieved of it. I was 21 when I finally gave up my v-card to my on-off/drama-filled/never-really-knew-where-we-stood boyfriend, J. I was so ready to stop being a virgin—it was starting to define me. But I had waited so long because I really wanted sex to be special. Meaningful. And frequent! When I was about 19 I figured that since I’d held out that long, I might as well wait until I found someone special.

And then it turned out my someone special had a waterbed. Yes, I lost my virginity on a waterbed. God knows why J had a waterbed in 2005 but he did and I was too in love with him to suggest, say, a stationary mattress for my first time having sex. I don’t recommend this.

The liquid-filled bed was like a third person in the room with us, gurgling and sloshing around like a big fat blubbery stomach. It made way more noise than a regular bed frame, to the point that J stopped in the middle and said the worst thing: “I can’t stop thinking about my parents.”

“You…you what?” I stammered, hoping I’d misheard him.

“No, not like that or anything weird,” he quickly backtracked. “I’m just worried that this damn bed is super loud!”

Well, it would have been the only loud thing. Based solely on movie sex scenes, I expected to either be in serious pain or serious ecstasy my first time. But really, I didn’t feel all that much. At least not in my lady regions. Emotionally though, I was more in love with J than ever. He was sweet and slow and nose-to-nose, always asking me if I was okay. It was so Cruel Intentions!

But, eventually J’s paranoia got the better of him and we stopped. It was a fairly anti-climactic experience (in every sense of the word) but the real fireworks came the next morning, when my two best friends, Sam and Chrissy, met me for lunch.

As I gushed about J and how happy I was and how I thought this really marked the turning point in our romance, I noticed that my friends were wincing at every word.

“We need to tell you something,” Sam began. “Remember that rumor that J was sleeping with Lizzie?”

How could I forget! I’d had a meltdown over gossip that he was hooking up with one of my friends. But J swore up and down that it was totally false.

“Well,” Chrissy finished, “he was. We drove around all night looking for you to tell you before you slept with him but we couldn’t figure out where J lived! We’re so sorry honey!”

I sat there numbly as they poured out the details. I’d waited 21 years for this experience—who knew I needed to hold out 21 years and one day?

I ended up escaping to Italy for my study abroad about a month later and spending the entire time getting over J. Now, when I meet a boy I’m dying to have sex with, I make sure that I take a good hard look at the kind of dude he really is and wait as long as possible before sleeping with him.

Then I wait one more day.

Are you waiting a long time to have sex? Did you wait a long time? How did you know the time was right for you to lose your V-Card? Tell me everything in the comments!

Do you wish you’d waited longer for sex? Here’s how to deal.

Posted in: Cheating, Health, Sex & Relationships, Love&Sex, Relationships, Sex, Virginity
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,
  • Kri

    I’m nineteen, turning twenty in a month, and i’ve been going out with this amazing guy for a little shy of a year and a half. He’s seriously the most amazing man I’ve ever met. I have always hated relationships. They scared me but with him everything has been so natural and he has never pressured me at all and he absolutely and unconditionally adores me. He’s 21 and graduating. Taking over a business and working on moving out. So basically he’s set and about to take off into the adult world.

    I broached the subject of sex with him because lately i’ve bee thinking of giving my virginity to him. He has promised himself to me. We even have a plan for our future. But as soon as we decided that we would make love (he is a virgin too) i randomly became terrified.. And i can’t pin point why. Especially because i want to love him completely and give myself to him. But for some reason i just am so scared. (I also get scared easily and am a nervous person haha so that definitely is playing a part)

    I just don’t want things to change or for him to end up leaving me after i give it to him. Or to get pregnant.. Yeah all of these fears are real but i mean he won’t leave me (pretty sure, he’s made it vastly clear he is planning on marrying me) and sex brings you closer together and if we’re careful i shouldn’t get pregnant.

    I’m just nervous because i have no one to talk to about this monumental event that is coming up soon and it’s been so drilled into my head not to have sex before marriage by my mom. She actually even asked me one day if i thought i would be able to ever give my virginity up when i was married because i hold it so close and protect it so dearly. I told her of course, but now i’m not so sure. I might not even be able to bring myself to give it to the love of my life. Ugh, why is this so scary and hard.

    Plus i don’t want to hurt 🙁

  • V.Xote

    im 21 and i had sex with my bf month ago…he was very gentle and caring as it was my first time… It didn’t bleed but hurts alot!! Also,he coundn’t even put it inside properly because it was too tight!! Does that mean i didnt lose my virginity yet?? I heard from someone that some girls didnt lose their virginity at their first time, some lost after 3 or 4 times only. Need a lil help here…please.

  • asmi

    i had sex vt my boyfriend few hours ago for the first time…i didnt bleed…….bt it was painfull……….i tried my level best though…bt still all i could feel is pain…..i dont know my hymen is still intact or not…………
    m worried…..its been hours… still my lower tummy hurts…..m having a backache……….
    i am kinda scared……..
    wn actually i started to enjoy the sex he got tired so we had to stop…….
    i dont know wat to do….
    should i consult a doctor???

    • hannah b

      what does it feel like? does it hurt really really bad? did it make u cry? is sex awkward?

    • Courtney

      You do not need to consult a doctor (unless it was unprotected). Sex hurts for the first time. Pretty much for everybody. Your back and stomach hurt because you were most likely using muscles that you’ve never used before. And honestly, I still get stomach pains sometimes. (And I haven’t been a virgin for over a year and a half, and have sex regularly.)
      You’re just freaking yourself out because you don’t know what to expect, but you’re totally fine! Honestly, my suggestion is have sex again. It gets better, easier, and more pleasurable. Also, you don’t always bleed your first time, or ever for that matter. Whether you bleed or not doesn’t really change anything.
      Relax, you’re okay!

  • Michelea

    Hi, i’mm 16 years old. Female. I have been “dating” this guy 3 years but really been dating him for a little over a year. We always talk fun and have fun. We talked about sex a lot and know what to expect and know we need protection. We both love each other dearly. And are BOTH willing to wait but dont really want to. We want to have sex but we are a little nervous. We don’t know what to do.

    • Bekkii

      Hello 🙂 Well, i’m 17 years old and in EXACTLY the same boat as you. I think i’m gonna wait though, because i know some of the most major changes in my life are going to happen over the next few years, which could alter whether or not i’m still with my boyfriend. And! i have a highly religious mother so that doesn’t help my case at all 😛 But otherwise, if you really do feel strongly about the sex thing, i think you should go for it. If he’s honestly someone you strongly love and care about and see yourself in the longterm with (i’m guessing you want that with him) , i don’t think anyone should restrict you from having sex with him 🙂

    • Anonymous

      Hi, I’m 15 years old and well my boyfriend and I have been going out for almost about 2 years. We are constantly thinkin about sex and what not. We do oral and stuff like that but I just feel like its not enough for me. We know to use protection but I’m so scared of what will happen, how it’s going to happen, I’m just too nervous about that. What do I do? I mean we’ve discussed sex before but I don’t think sex needs to be planned I believe it should happen from the moment feels right. Also when you have the courage to give up your v-card.

  • hehehe1234

    Well I didn’t wait, in a way that makes me a little sad. I wNted to wait till I was 18 but things got the best of me. My boyfriend said he wanted to wait because of me but in a way I just raped him .xD I was playing around with him and put it in justg a little and he fliped. So I was like no this is in and put it in and didnt stop. Lol my story sounds so crazy.

  • Geelove

    Well I’m 17 my friend and I jus made a deal dat we’d try to have sex atleest before graduation which is in June of nxt yr , I’m excited shurr but i jus feel down cuz I don’t have no guy at all in my life and I wud have wanted to have sex for da furst time wit a guy whoo I been wit for like a year or longer but tats not gonna happen if I keep up the deal but I doo wanna have sex and experience alil ! I jus feeel alone cuz I don’t got no one and den I think about like jus doin it wit a close guy buddy but whutt happens if I get prego or sumthing that wud be terrible I’m skared but reely wanna do it ……

  • Chanel

    Hi! I’m 24 yrs old… still happily being a virgin. I’m waiting for marriage. I personally think that when you give it up it should be with that special person that your gonna spend the rest of your life with and that should be your spouse and on your wedding night.

    • Weekdy

      I like you 🙂

      • zzzzzz

        I like 2

  • Amy

    i was really touched by ur story…! i also had a similar experience…but i just wanted to ask u….do u regret what had happened? i mean, should u..? (-.-) would love to get some advice from u! 🙂

  • asif

    plice 1year se 15year first time vidows

  • Cookie

    what ?

  • Ana

    I lost my virginity just hours ago. I am 19…will be 20 in a few months. 2 years ago, I thought that I would have sex only after finding the right guy (my soul mate duh!) and after marrying him. Well, as days passed, I changed my mind. I have gone out with/dated 4-5 guys till I met him. He is an year younger to me. It was a crush at the first sight since he was so handsome. Then I talked to him and I liked him instantly. Although he is younger to me, he treated me like how I wanted to be treated…like a girl. I was dreading that I would be the bossy girlfriend. We’ve been dating for 5 months now. I am not sure if I love him or not, however, I definitely like him. I decided to have sex with him.

    We headed to his room after a romantic dinner. We started making out on the bed, well, I then confessed to him that I was a virgin. So, we moved to the floor instead. I did bleed a little as expected.

    Last night, I was like “No, please stop! It’s paining!” And he was like “It’s okay baby, relax, it would be fine.” He was neither too gentle nor too rough. It was over in no time! I am not sure if I regret doing it or not. I only feel bad that I did not satisfy him enough. I really wanna do it better next time-no screaming and crying!

    I’ll be leaving this university in 8 months. Our relationship is gonna end then (or before, if he starts to dislike me or I him, who knows). Or I may take a bigger step of marrying him!!! Well, whatever happens, there is only one thing I’m thinking of now.

    I lost my virginity and so he is someone special now!! 😀

  • Rebeca – Siren

    It happens baby, nothing to worry though! Now because you have turned 21+ you knew how to take situations. No matter how well you know your partner, in the bedroom things may often take a different turn, So I would suggest to everyone, to Take it Slow.


  • Jessie

    Hi, I Just turned 14 and I Met a guy…was sweet at first and we were dating for about a year, then! he pops a question (he asked if I’ve ever had sex) he wanted me to lose my virginity to him. he was loyal but I’m only 14 and i don’t really care what love is when it comes to relationships. So, I Told Him No And That I’m Still a Virgin….asked me if I Would Lose it To Him. I Said yes but I Didn’t want to take the time to go see him. Yeah, I Flirted and I Broke My Self Respect rule (long story). Now All He does is Act Like an Ass, and I’m So Happy that I Never Lost my V-Deb Card To him.

    • hot@teenz_22

      Hi, even i am 14 and i have a bf his name is Aaron even he asked me to loose my virginity to him but i said no! i have kissed him but i didn’t have sex with him!! its against my limits at the age of 14!!! he even tried to seduce me but i didn’t and he said me that if i didn’t wanted to have sex even he has no problem 🙂 Now thats what i call understanding!! 😛

      • Cookie

        good for you!
        your too young to have/ had sex your 14 years old..
        very happy at you wait it what best for you….
        when your 20 years old is OK to have sex if your in love with the guy? only

  • Telly

    I’m still a virgin and my bf is one too he has no problem waiting until im ready because he saids he just glad he has me in his life to make him a better person 🙂

    • Ale

      Thank you, I’ll check that book out. And yeah, I know I will never have that kind of authority and wulodn’t pretend to, but at the same time I want to be respectful and informed … and in the end, the measure of my success of otherwise will be whether it fits in the novel. Wish me luck!

  • Tess

    I’m 19 years old and I’m still happily a virgin.I started dating my senior year and ended up in 2 relationships but I’ve never been close friends with a guy. I believe its important to have my first time with someone who knows me, I trust and I love.I’m not waiting until I get married for my first time though.I’m waiting for love, trust and a strong relationship that only comes with truly knowing someone and loving them for themselves. I feel I have a duty to myself to travel, have fun, accomplish my goals, go after my dreams and really learn who I am before I “settle” y’know?

    • mat

      that true…..

  • It’s me

    It was summer 2011. I was 18. Never had a boyfriend and all of my friends had at least 2-3 boyfriends before. My best friend Maria wasn’t in a relationship at that time, so the two of us were together alone in this world. Our good friend Jenna was in a relationship for more then a year with her boyfriend Ian and it was hard for us to watch her so happy.

    One hot summer night we met Ian’s best friend Mike, when Maria and I went out to disco club to meet there with Jenna and Ian.
    Long story short, we started hanging out with him and soon, we became good friends.
    2-3 weeks after meeting him, i started to get butterflies in my stomach. I was like, nooo, we are just friends and that is how it should stay. And, to mention this, he was a womanizer, and preferred one-night-stands. That’s why i said to myself “He’s a womanizer, not the right guy for me, we can be good friends but nothing more.” I never said to anyone that i liked him, not even to Maria.

    But as the time was passing by we were becoming better and better friends and then one day it just happened – he kissed me.
    Well even before that i thought that he liked me, by his actions when he was with me, but i didn’t want to hope too much.

    I don’t regret for losing my virginity only 2 months after being with him, because i knew he was the one. He said i changed him, that he never thought he would be with a girl like me, and that he liked hanging out with me. He stopped being a womanizer.
    We are together now for 6 months, and even though we fight from time to time (for nonsense reasons), i love him, and no matter what happens i will never forget him, because he was my first everything, he changed my life completely.

  • mia

    well im 19 and im still a virgin its definitely better to w8 until marriage and choose the perfect loyal guy b4 doing any foolish thing with him and u myt just regret it

    • Charlotte

      Hi Mia, not to sound disrespectful to your believes, we each have our own and i respect yours, but how do you know that they guy you marry is the one for you, if you both havent experienced that intermacy with each other, sex doesnt define love i know that but it comes together with love, I believe in waiting for someone you feel comfortable with, you hear all these stories of people waiting for the right one and then that person hasnt been the right one from the start so if you wait it makes it worse than doing it with a close guy friend. Marriage is huge, but i think it would be more awkward if you didnt get that sexual pleasure with your husband or wife than with your boyfriend at the time.

      I recently lost my virginity im 18, and i really like the guy it happened with and i wouldnt take it back at all, i said i would wait to meet someone i swore i wouldnt just do it but it was the best thing i did because i liked the guy and i could trust him and his a great friend who i am comfortable around, i would have been more hurt if i did wait and then the guy i liked took advantage and knew it was a huge thing and then him just leaving after, but then i would have kicked myself if it didnt happen as it wasnt planned or anything. So i believe i had a great experience for my first time, i believe as long as you both like each other and respect each others decisions then i dont see what could go wrong.

  • Sierra

    Im almost 15 and still a virgin!:) My boyfriend says he will wait however long i want to wait! I love him so much!:)

    • icantloveu

      good for you!! 🙂 😀 🙂

    • Kylee

      That’s great for u, he’s a great guy

  • Alyaissa

    I actually haven’t had my first yet . I was told to wait until marriage because , it’s best and it seem like it’s the right thing to do . My biggest fear is giving it up to the wrong guy . That would seriously break my heart .

  • cruz

    just now had SEX its awesome

    • diamond

      but really why everyone make it a big deal i lost my V word at 11 n im 13 going on 14 in november of this year i dont think its thats a big of a deal because im a fun person not one of that boring person thats going to wait because u only be 13 n 14 once so make it fun not boring as shit and a living hell becuase so u can tell something to ur children one day instead of them saying you was boring make a exciting thing in ur life stop being so fucking boring in your life.

      • Me

        Y-you lost your virginity at 11? *gags* But your a baby…..

        • lena

          You lost your virginity at 11? No offense or anything but i just read what you said up there and you dont have to loose your virginity to be a fun and exciting person. Im 16 and still a virgin and my friends always tell me im the life of the party. Whoever had sex with you should feel ashamed. You’re a baby. What do you want to tell to your children? “Mommy lost her virginity at 11 years old” Thats not a great story to tell hunny.

      • Camii

        If you can barely type in english, i dont think youre old enough fo that kind of experience.
        I just turned 17 2 months ago and lost my virginity about a week and a half ago. Im not sure if he was the right guy, because we used to talk day and night. But afterwards he kinda almost dropped off of the face of the earth. I mean i still see him but we never talk. So it worries me that he’d only come back for more then do the same as before. I’ve known him since the sixth grade and thought he was the love of my life freshman year. But sex didnt change anything. It really just made things worse. I wish i’d waited longer.

    • Cookie

      at so true I lost my Virginity at 21 years old at right now in 2012
      i feel so happy inside but i not marry i feel bad what i do it with him for the 1s t time.
      and i pray to god to forget me. i don.t do it again if i do i don.t know what to do?
      it feel good : )