I’ll cut to the chase: I want my boyfriend to spend more time with me, and to think of me more. I know he loves me and he wants me to be happy. But how can I talk to him about my needs/wants without pushing him away for being so needy??
Men and women have enough biological dissimilarities that we can often be on different pages when it comes to relationship priorities. But before reading him your demands like a terrorist kidnapper from a ’90s action movie, first try planning some fun “out-of-the-box” dates which you’ll both enjoy. For example, instead of forcing him to see Mirror Mirror, or succumbing to his pleas to watch Act of Valor for the third time, choose a film that will appeal to both of you (The Hunger Games, anyone?). Buy a Groupon for a couples massage — or a dessert cooking class! By participating together in activities which excite you both, you’ll bond naturally and more frequently with your boyfriend.
Once you’ve put together a few super-fun date nights, ideally he’ll reciprocate with a few of his own. But if he’s slow to pick up on cues, remind him of how awesome it was when he surprised you with those LMFAO tickets when you first started going out. Using positive reinforcement as much as possible will encourage him to pull his weight without you feeling like you’re nagging him.
If he’s still not getting the message after you’ve shaken things up, it’s time for an open conversation. Explain to him as honestly and as evenly as possible that you need more of a commitment. Don’t attack him! Frame your intentions as an attempt to better your connection as a whole.
Finally, because males are so driven by sex—especially when we’re at our most virile as young adults—I suggest you have said conversation before getting frisky for the night. It’s amazing what women can get us dudes to do when we’re in between fixes of a physical relationship.
Ultimately, no matter when or how you break the news to him, if he’s too selfish to continually work on things with you, then unfortunately, he wasn’t worth dating in the first place. Always remember that finding someone who is open to listening to your needs as the relationship evolves is just as important as finding someone who is able to meet them to begin with.
Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Ethan, email him at firstname.lastname@example.org!