Help! I Was Rejected By The Person I Love
Whether you get turned down by someone you just met, a friend, or a long-time partner, romantic rejection has its own special place in the Terrible Feelings Hall of Fame. It is personal, occasionally traumatizing, and an all-around bummer. The worst thing about getting rejected, or broken up with, or otherwise ditched by anyone for whom you have make-outey feelings is that it seems to bring up all of the most awful things we think about ourselves at the same time. All the am-I-good-enoughs, if-only-I-were-more-this-&-less-thatses, fears and doubts and vulnerability.
I’ve seen talented, driven, super-together people with awesome jobs and families and friends get totally derailed because someone—even someone they didn’t particularly like–didn’t want to be with them. I’ve gotten derailed that way more than once.
But I think the trick to getting past a romantical letdown—even if you were super in lurrv—is to maintain a little bit of perspective. It’s not the most immediately satisfying approach, I know, and if you’re really hurting it only half-works. But hear me out: Very few relationships last forever-ever. But they’re all valuable, even if all they showed you was how you don’t want to be treated in the future. I’m not going to sit here and tell you that it’s not painful, but the real talk on this is that relationships are just like any other risk, really—the risk of going out for a job you really want, the risk of speaking your mind, the risk of trying anything new or uncomfortable. And if you think about it that way, if you give yourself some credit for being real and strong and open and trying something that is complicated beyond all reason, it might help take away that initial sting of rejection. If not, you could always take up bowling. It worked for me.
How do you deal with rejection? Have you ever been rejected from a job you wanted? Or from a college you wanted to go to? Tell us about it in the comments!