Debate Club: Is It Ever Okay To Date Your Friend’s Ex?

Dan, Blair and Serena on Gossip Girl

Serena would flip if Dan and Blair dated.

Okay, so imagine your BFF just got out of a relationship with a super hot, great guy. It’s been a few months, and suddenly he’s flirting with… you. You’ve always had a little crush on him, ever since before they started dating, and now it looks like your chance to actually date him. Do you go for it, even though your friend was with him first?

Dating your friend’s ex can be a really, really bad situation. But some girls do it… and some girls are even okay with it. What do you think? Does it depend on who broke up with who? Would you do it? Would you like if your friend did it to you? Read what the editors of think, and then tell us your opinion.


Friends: Girl Code

Girl Code - friends are more important! | Source:

Jessica Says: NEVER – It’s Called Girl Code
I would never date one of my friend’s exes, and I hope that they know better than to never date mine. No matter who dumped who, it’s a sensitive situation… and your friend is definitely going to be uncomfortable (if not furious) about seeing you with her ex. It’s just awkward, not to mention mean! Trust me, dating the guy your best friend just dated is going to ruin your friendship, or at least put a serious strain on it. It’s just not worth it.


Group Of Guys

There are plenty of dudes out there | Source:

Emerald Says: There Are Plenty Of Other Guys Out There
Why on Earth would you date your friend’s ex? Is nothing sacred or off limits in 2012? Not only is it unethical (certainly not the same as, like, eating cute kitties for breakfast, but definitely on the list of unethical things), it’s also kind of icky. Is your friend’s ex the last man on Earth? Is there no one else you know? If you’re willing to date your friend’s ex, then you’re probably not really friend’s with this “friend” of yours. You wouldn’t date your friend’s dad? (Or maybe you would!) Some things are just common courtesy and a gesture of respect. No matter how much you like your friend’s Ex, you can always find someone else you like just as much – after all they broke up for a reason.


Guy Crying and Sad

Guys get hung up on exes too. | Source:

Melanie Says: No, But Because Of Him, Not Her
A few years ago, a good friend of mine actually set me up with a guy friend of hers who she used to date. She not only said it was okay, she was the one who made it happen! But the more I hung out with him, the more I realized he kept asking me about her, asking if cool things I did were her idea, what she was up to. I was upset about his apparent hang up until I realized that this super cute guy had more issues than a subscription to Mad magazine. People think it’s always the friend who will wig out if you date her ex, but sometimes it’s the ex himself!


Dating Friend's Ex

Things might get awkward | Source:

Julie Says: If She Says It’s Okay… Maybe
If you talk to your friend and she’s really ok with you double dipping in her dating pool, then I say it’s fine. One warning though: Sometimes people can’t anticipate their emotions. Even if your friend thinks she’ll be fine with the date recycle, once the plan is in action, she might react in a bigger way than she thought she would. So, if after date two, you sense your bud isn’t cool with the situation, even though she said she would be, you’ve got to talk to her and figure out what makes the most sense for your friendship. And that might be aborting mission.
Who do you agree with? Would you date your friends ex? Have you ever? Tell us in the comments.


Should you date someone you work with? Join the debate.

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  • Annie

    My friend (i cut the communication btwn us now) is with my ex after me and my ex broke up for 2weeks. They met because of me and decided to be bestfriends, i wasn’t cool w/ it for them to be bestfriends at 1st but eventually i accptd it coz i trustd my friend. Aftr we broke up i was crying in front of her, she knows how much i love him. Then aftr 2weeks i found out they were hooking up and they’re officially together. The day i found out she was going out w/ him she told me that she doesn’t want to ruin our friendship but i said its ok coz i thought it is, but aftr that i blocked them at facebook and chnged my number. Im crying coz i felt betrayed, i dont even know if she’s flirtng w/ him when we were still together. I nvr thought she would do such thing. It hurts coz hey its just 2weeks since we broke up. I didn’t confront and say bad things about her coz i don’t want to show that im affected coz u know what if ur a true friend u know its not right, u should respect ur friend and knows how she feels. Its common sense. Thats why i just cut all ties btwn us for good. Id rather have a few friends that to have a lot like her. I’m mad of course, its the initial reaction right? But im lettng go of my hatred for me to move on. Im not the type of person who bitch around just coz im hurt, i know how to control myself and keep my composure. I don’t want to look like a fool and fight over guys so for me its better to be just like u don’t know them. I know its like running away but sometimes it takes time before u can face it. Right now im still hurt not because my ex has a gf but its because of the betrayal. I’m even looking for excuses for her but i can’t find one. I know u can’t choose whom u fall in love with but u can control ur emotions and stop feelng that way. So i think she likes my bf even before im still w/ him. Mybe its ok if its months aftr we break up but its not, im more hurt right now than our break up. All i can say is be a true friend, coz me im still a true friend aftr i found out coz i didnt bitch around her, i just stop talkng to her coz its for the better. And now i don’t consider her a friend anymore, just say im bitter but u know i just need to move from all of this.

  • Imy

    I am now… But my friend got us together and I think it depends on the friend and what their relationship was like, what actually happened between them and all. It’s not awkward because they are friends now but I can’t really talk to her about it. I’m alright with that but really, it depends on many things as to whether it can work or not 🙂

  • A Hurt girl

    It’s not okay. At all. Your “BFF” should never date one of your exes. Hey im eating a sandwich! You want those leftovers too!? :'(

  • A hurt girl :'(

    For the people out there who think it is right, your wrong. Your “BFF” dating one of our exes is wrong!! Hey I’m eating a sandwich, u want those leftovers too?!

  • Brielle

    I’ve been friends with this guy for about 5 years now, he dated 1 of my friends last year and they broke up. So this guy and I have been hanging out A LOT this year and he told me he likes me but I told him we couldn’t date because I don’t want to hurt my friend even though she’s moved on and is very happy. The problem now lies in the fact that my feelings for him get stronger every time I see him. I really don’t know what to do; we’re always flirting (i think haha) and I’m getting tired of trying to hide my feelings 🙁 HELP!

  • Katie

    It’s so so so wrong to date with ur bbf’s ex. It does not even matter who dumped who or what happened between them. The fact is, he is ur bbf “ex”, i mean are you two going to talk about how the both of you kiss him or the sex or the dates…. it’s just so so so weird.
    I will never lay hands on my bbf’s ex , or even a person who my bbfs really really likes. Come on, friendship lasts but relationships does not 100% be forever.
    My bbf wants to date my ex. I told her it was ok but when she start asking things about him i told her, “look what, i don’t think we should be talking about him between us. It’s kinda awkward, if you want to know anything you should ask him.” After that,i blocked him from my FB and delete his contacts. But now, she’s out of the bbf list. I am not angry or whatever. It’s just a ‘i don’t really want to talk to you’ feeling .Although she keeps saying that she can stop talking to him if i don’t like it. But that is not the point. The point is its a girl code! You do not date your bbf’s ex!

  • Marty

    Hello, I just found out my friend is dating a guy I dated a couple of years ago. she never met him back then, him and I did the whole getting to know eachother without meeting friends. He was great and nice but never commited so I moved on and that was that. Now in a conversation I just find out my friend met him in the same place where i did years earlier. her conversation started like this ” I met this nice young guy his name is so and so …” hey didn’t you meet a so and so… in that same bar? yeah!! It was a while back, and I feel weird but I say Im ok with it, she said there is nothing but sex and I believe her but where do I stand as her friend if she has realized this is the same guy and continues with him. I know there are lots of fish in the see so Im willing to act as though who cares but I fear I will think my firend is not really my friend.

    • Bethany

      in that space now.met this amazing guy, amazing chemistry 3 months dating,no sex, comes to church as my guest only to found out he’s an ex of my friend ( broke up 12 years ago). years later she and I met

  • Winnie

    I will date my friend’s ex because i really love him.

  • Asia

    I just found out that my boyfriend had a fling with my best friend, she says it happens, he says it didn’t. It made me feel confused, it was akward. Because she said that she didn’t like him and they never had sex, but when he brought it up she says that they did have a relationship and they did have sex, if they did that’s on them. All I want to know is am I wrong for still being with him after I found out? It wasn’t like I already knew they dated and still dated him anyway.

  • Al!

    It’s fine! They split for a reason, there weren’t any feelings! I waited for 2 years to go out with the guy i liked, even though my friends went out with him (knowing my feelings, bit unfair i know!) And we’re together now and he hasn’t looked back and my friends have never seen me happier!

  • Hillary

    I know its awful and I couldn’t do it myself even though I’ve wanted to so bad. I met her ex years ago, she met him the day after actually and I sort of started to like him over the course of a few weeks, then she told me she liked him and I was too scared to tell her back that I did, she was nervous to ask him out and asked me to do it for her and no matter how much it hurt I did it. They went out on and off for 8 months, she loved him, I’m not sure if he did too but more that likely. She treated him like crap though. She always flirted with him until he asked her out again and then after awhile she got bored and dumped him. What they both didn’t know was that I was in love with him. May seem silly as I’m only 15 but hes all I can think about. For these past 4 years I’ve bottled up my feelings for him.. hes been my bestfriend for 4 years and im too scared to tell him how I feel. I sort of got the feeling he liked me because hes always so nice and hes flirty but I dont know. My best friend who I’m not as close to now still isn’t over him I dont think even though shes got a new boyfriend now. I just wished it was me that asked him out for myself that day and not for her. Because unlike her I would of treated him with respect and shown my love for him in the way he deserved. I blown my chance and now I regret it too much. So in my opinion if your in love with the boy life is too short to miss wonderful opportunities, I missed mine and I’ve never been able to forgive myself since..

  • Makayla

    I’m doin’ it right now. My boyfriend and my bestfriend used to date, earlier this year…but i’ve liked him for four years. After they broke up, he asked me out and I said yes. It has caused some issues between me and her, but I love him & he loves me. forget “girl code”…if she was really my friend, she’d be happy for me,especially since she has a new boyfriend. She needs to move on and be happy with who she’s with anyways.

  • Jinx

    I think it’s partially a control issue. The friend whose ex you may be dating, she has no real control over what you or her ex does. She may be upset about it but really, what can she do about it? Her ex is not her property, and they should not be treated as such. However, you should always consult your friend before dating her ex, if nothing but out of respect for her and your friendship. If she doesn’t really agree with it, take that into consideration, but also remember that it’s your life and she can’t control your actions.

  • Priya

    honestly, i wouldn’t arpiecpate it if my bff did that to me. it jst takes you on an emotional rollercoaster nd i’m questioning myself by saying what did i do wrong? did he like her all along? nd then bring self esteem down by thinking that she’s better than you and prettier and everything. but others may not mind and they may think he’s worthless and she can have him if she wants. its all different outcomes#myopinion

  • BeckyOns

    well i believe its really not ok to do this i mean come on people hes an EX for a reason

    • Marty

      yes, two thumbs up! so many guys out there come on a friends ex not cool.

  • Glo

    I think it depends. I am dating a friends ex right now, but only because it ended friendly between the two of them. They went out for a month before they realized that they were more like brother and sister. After a year, he started talking to me and we started to like each other. My friend that had dated him actually wanted us to start dating and helped us get past the awkward phase. So it all depends on went on in the relationship before.

  • the gurl

    if you ;love them then yes you cant fight real love

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  • k you can kiss me

    no it never rely is.

  • Brisa

    I’ve only once dated a friends ex and I have to say it was a little awkward.
    Not because she wasn’t cool with it -she totally was- but because I kept geeking out over how upset she would be. After the second week I had them on both ends asking about each other, and the same questions being thrown at me; “Are you SURE he’s okay with it?” Are you POSITIVE she’s fine with us dating?”

    Overall, we were all a nice bunch, and worried about crossing a line. We only lasted three weeks and I was fine with it. And despite her positive reaction to the whole thing, I could see relief in my friend.

    I would say it’s honestly up to you. Different friends have different reactions and be prepared for the worst, always.
    I was lucky enough to have an understanding friend, you may not be. (: