I Regret Losing My Virginity. Now What?

Lose Your Virginity

Don't let it bring you too far down. | Source: CollegeCandy.com

Dear Heather,

Help! I am 15 years old and in January I lost my virginity. It was with a boy who I had known for two years and had very strong feelings for, but I didn’t have a proper relationship with him. We met up a few times a week for that full two years to hook up. One night things got rather carried away and we had sex, it was nothing like I wanted it. I wanted my first time to be really special, but it wasn’t.

A month has passed, and now the boy I did it with only talks to me when the conversation has something to do with sex. I thought I trusted him and I thought he wouldn’t just stop talking to me after we did it. I’m starting to get really paranoid that he might have just been talking to me just so he could sleep with me. Right after we did it, he started going out with another girl and I was so confused. Because I had sex with him, my feelings did grow stronger, and now I’m always upset.

I wish I could go back in time and change everything, but I can’t. WHAT SHOULD I DO?!

If I could, I would come over there and give you a huge hug. I’m so sorry that your first time wasn’t as special as you wanted it to be – and that this guy turned out to be so disappointing. It stinks when something we’ve always thought about doesn’t happen the way we want it to, but unfortunately, that’s just how life is sometimes.

Khloe Kardashian Sad

Khloe Kardashian has publicly admitted to regretting the way she lost hers | Source: AnythingHollywood.com

Losing your virginity is a big thing for a girl, and I’m sure it seems like everyone around you is losing it in some super special way with a really great dude. In movies and TV shows, it’s all candles, roses and sweet “I love you’s”; but the sad truth is that in real life, it’s usually not like that. The first time having sex is not great for every girl – it can be awkward, disappointing, and messy. So trust me, you’re not alone here.

That being said, what happened is in the past, and there’s nothing you can do to change it. Now it’s time to move on from that bad experience and to get over this loser guy who treated you badly. He isn’t worth your time or energy, and he definitely isn’t worth crying over (read my advice on getting over someone for more tips).

The good news is that now you can learn from your mistakes and focus on your next first time with a different dude. Before you have sex with someone new, make sure you have a conversation about where your relationship is going. Don’t jump into sex with anyone else unless you know they love and care about you, and you feel totally comfortable with them. I’m not saying you have to wait until marriage, but just give yourself some time – the first time is important, but that doesn’t mean the second time can’t be just as important.

take care,

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com


Next, Heather gives advice on convincing your parents to let you do what you want!

Posted in: Dating, Discuss, Everything Else, Friends With Benefits, Health, Sex & Relationships, Help Me Heather, Help&Advice, Hooking Up, Love Advice, Love&Sex, Relationships, Sex, Sex, Sucky Emotions, Virginity, Your Life
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  • Vianey

    I know how you feel.. I lost my virginity to a guy that just wanted to have sex, a guy that said he didnt have a gf but it was all a lie. I was like his back up plan to him, he played me. But kyou gotta learn from your mistakes right. Just think twice about giving it up to another guy

  • Mina

    I completely understand because I lost it last night, and I felt like I threw my promise to myself and to God away for just one night. And I feel alone and I feels like I failed. I wanted to wait ’til I got married but I felt pressured. Now I feel like nobody would want me anymore. :'(

    • Mina


      • Kat

        It’s Ok! You are so much more than sex. I hope that you can move on. You have not thrown it all away. You are just feeling guilt and remorse. That’s what happens when you make desicions that aren’t absolutely perfect. Think about your relationships with guys and how they have changed over the years, or months. And think about your bond with God. God loves you, don’t ever forget that. Sex is OK, even good, but don’t feel your’e worthless.

        also use protection πŸ™‚

  • Lucia

    The same experience just happened to me and i didn’t like it at all, but since url say it is better to forgive and move on even though it is hard, think i will do that. Sorry for the hurt you just went through Jes, we all make mistakes. As for you just stay strong and hope you will find someone you deserve; forget about the jerk that treated you wrong.

    with love * big hug*

  • Thomas

    Has anyone heard of the word CHASTITY?

    Sex is a gift from our loving father in heaven.

    Sex must be saved until marriage because it shows your complete union and love for ur spouse and to God.

    This site is teaching our youth that having sex is a pastime. It’s “cool” to loose our virginity. Has anyone heard of the BLESSED MOTHER? She is the most pure and should set an example to all girls that being pure, chaste, and selfless is the most presidiums thing we can give to our spouse when we get married and to God and ourselves.

    Today’s youth needs to show todays society that we can live WITH God as the center of our lives and not materialistic items.

    • Emily

      Well SOME of us aren’t christian so we can lose our virginity whenevr we want.

      • thomas grimes

        it has nothing to do with religion and more to do with self respect .

    • Karly

      I understand your concern about being a virgin to avoid situations like this, but some people don’t believe in the same things you do. And if it was such a big deal, then why would you put yourself through unnecessary aggrivatedness and read this article. Or even respond. I would have to say that, on your part, you should just get out because this is ridiculous xD

    • Lainey

      Uhm, ever heard of the word S E X I S T?
      Girls can have sex whenever they choose. They can wait or not wait or do it every day if they want.
      It is no longer the 1700s where girls are basically sold to their husbands at the age of twelve, him being 30 or 40. Sex before marriage is becoming increasingly common because we now marry for love, not a large payment to our fathers. If YOU want to wait until you are married, that is your call. Don’t go pushing it in people’s faces. Religion is like politics there is no right or wrong answer an saying one thing too many times convinces people it’s a lie. You don’t tell everyone of a different political party they are wrong, do you? If you do, many people will have a tendancy to not want to be around you because you are closed-minded. Life is meant to be lived with your mind and your eyes open. Don’t close your eyes while you’re living. You’ll misinterpret everything you see.

  • Hayley

    The EXACT same thing happened to me! Same time and everything! I am really sorry that happened ): All I can say is make sure it doesn’t happen again by finding an awesome guy who you actually love. πŸ™‚ It will come.

  • anonymous

    That is NOT a nice situation to be in. I, personally, want it to be special, above all things. And for a guy to just do that … It’s disgraceful. The fact he dated someone straight after it is horrid as well. Uck.

  • Liaboo1997

    I lost my virginity at 14 wasnt planning but i did and it hurt really bad & it was very messy (bloody) if u knw wht i mean…. So everybodys first time is not perfect… And i hated it.. I was so scared to go home.. And it hurt so i was really sore.. I wish i could take back all the times i did it

  • Me

    Sadly many girls go through what you’re dealing with right now. I haven’t had sex but just like you most of my friends regret their first time because they did things without thinking or got caught up in the moment. But we are humans and we make mistakes… Just try not to think about it! DON’T talk to that boy anymore and even if it kills u don’t show him any interest!! He just wants you to die for him… BUT DON’T! carry on with your life get involved in after school activities and enjoy yourself with no regrets. Remember: “Never regret anything because at some time it was exactly what you wanted.” There will be a day when you meet a boy that will appreciate you and if you both decide to have sex then tell him about it so he will understand you.

  • Miranda

    I think you should try to forget about this experience, That may have been your first time, but not the first time with someone you love! just think of it that way!!!
    P.S Punch the guy for me…

  • Liz

    First you need to, no matter how hard it is, forgive yourself. So you feel for a douche bag who took advantage of you, its going and will continue to hurt but I can tell you that, if you keep being hard on yourself you can make this an, even worse experience. Next forgive him. I know this sounds dumb and absolutely crazy but if you don’t forgive him then that will forever be on your chest and it will stop you from moving forward. And finally learn from this.. Sex is more important and deep then what the media puts out, it will bring you closer and make you develop feelings that are going to be impossible to go away. And since guys don’t have these mushy girl feelings us gURLs have to always remember to not give them the benefit of the doubt. They don’t yet have the capability of having deep feelings so we can’t expect them to.. Sex is more then a physical thing, its uniting your souls and feeling passion and next time look for that on your next guy you think you love

  • AppleJuiceBox

    Ok. And you know what. My moms best friends had a baby at 16 and they are still happily together. Maybe she should’ve waited but that is her choice. She isn’t asking for you to yell at her for anything when she probably feels bad enough.

    My best advice is this:
    Use this as a learning experience. (: I mean, don’t be a hermit and NEVER even talk to boys because your afraid to get hurt, but def try and be careful. Guys can be cruel. Just try and find something to make you happy! Don’t dwell on the past and forget to live! (harry potter quote lol). It’s never going to be easy with this type of thing, but you can do things to take your mind off of it because time does heal πŸ™‚ Hang out with your BEST friend. Not just some random acquaintance but someone you can trust with anything. And try to have a good time!

    <3 Good Luck girl! πŸ™‚

  • Katie

    I agree that waiting for the right guy is important, but it doesnt mean you have to wait forever. I had an experience just like this, and it has taken me a long time to get over the guy, but at the same time it has taught me a lot. Regrets are gonna be a part of your life for a long time. Whether its regretting something you said or didnt say to someone, or regretting who you had sex with. You shouldnt let that control your life and your decisions. If you meet someone you love, trust, and are comfortable and you know they feel the same about you, then you should follow your heart and make your own choices. The fact is most girls are not gonna wait till they are married so we should be realistic about that. Just make sure you are smart about it when it does happen. As for you miss Jessica, i understand how you feel. Youre confused and frustrated. I think this guy probably was just using you, but dont let that dictate how you feel about yourself. I did that for many months and it was the worst thing for me. You have to let this make you stronger and grow from it. No matter how hard, because you will get through it. I promise. Its been almost 2 years since i lost my virginity to that guy, and i can tell you it made me stronger, wiser, and more powerful in my self. I know the next guy i am with will be worth it, and wont do what my ex did to me. And the same goes for you, if you let yourself grow from this. I hope this helps. And remember, youre beautiful. No matter how he hurt you. And you are so much more deserving then what he could give you. <3

  • ChazzaJ

    Okay, it wasn’t how you wanted but it’s done now, you won’t get it back. So give yourself a break, is it possible he’s a 1st class douche, and ever girl makes some mistake sometime or other. There’s no point regretting it- it only makes it worse for yourself. It’s time to draw a line, learn from your mistake and be happy again.
    Frenchiemonroe xxx

  • kartik

    hi just searching for πŸ™‚

  • Amber

    Hey gURL, like heather I wish I could come over and give you a huge hug! But all I wanted to say is that he doesn’t deserve you!!! You just have to be a strong Independant little Missy πŸ™‚ don’t think about it anymore because it’s in the past and you can’t change it now but you can move on and grow from it πŸ˜€ hope I helped even a little bit πŸ™‚

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  • niceaj

    i don’t know if this is losing your virginity…but when i was younger i used to have quickies with my cousin and he’s friend…i feel so bad about it.

    • Mariuxi Renee Cadena


  • Missfiction

    Hey i think every girl needs to know this. Ok so your with a guy you think you love and your a teenager.Ok . and then you have sex. STUPID. giving it up to a guy who is in high school with your IS PROBABLY NOT GOING TO BE THE PERSON YOU MARRY. My sister thought the guy she gave her virginity to was going to be ” the one” …. he then cheated on her and got another gurl pregnant. You may think you love your guy and know him but i mean seriously?! your in high school wait till your older to do it and your more mature! Dont make the same mistakes most gurls are making! Show the world your different and mature and smart enough to wait! Dont suffer heartache because your young and are going to make mistakes. I can totally say that the guy your dating in high school or middle school or -maybe even college- isnt going to be ” the one”. There are LOTS of women who regret it! in fact i dont know an adult women in my life that doesn’t regret it.

    • Marrie

      That’s kind of harsh.

    • boomadley

      Whoa, whoa, whoa….. I think we can all agree that this girl had a bummer of an experience, but why all the insistence to wait? Are we in the 1950’s here? Is she going to get stoned to death for having sex? No and no. She can have sex if she wants. She can do it with someone she loves and wants to marry, she can do it with someone she doesn’t even like just for the hell of it. Women are allowed to have sex for fun. We are allowed to have a good time at it. We are allowed to make mistakes and have regrettable evenings without letting it define the rest of our lives.

      • Jo

        I agree!

    • Mariuxi Renee Cadena

      YEA TRUE!