I Regret Losing My Virginity. Now What?

Lose Your Virginity

Don't let it bring you too far down. | Source: CollegeCandy.com

Dear Heather,

Help! I am 15 years old and in January I lost my virginity. It was with a boy who I had known for two years and had very strong feelings for, but I didn’t have a proper relationship with him. We met up a few times a week for that full two years to hook up. One night things got rather carried away and we had sex, it was nothing like I wanted it. I wanted my first time to be really special, but it wasn’t.

A month has passed, and now the boy I did it with only talks to me when the conversation has something to do with sex. I thought I trusted him and I thought he wouldn’t just stop talking to me after we did it. I’m starting to get really paranoid that he might have just been talking to me just so he could sleep with me. Right after we did it, he started going out with another girl and I was so confused. Because I had sex with him, my feelings did grow stronger, and now I’m always upset.

I wish I could go back in time and change everything, but I can’t. WHAT SHOULD I DO?!

If I could, I would come over there and give you a huge hug. I’m so sorry that your first time wasn’t as special as you wanted it to be – and that this guy turned out to be so disappointing. It stinks when something we’ve always thought about doesn’t happen the way we want it to, but unfortunately, that’s just how life is sometimes.

Khloe Kardashian Sad

Khloe Kardashian has publicly admitted to regretting the way she lost hers | Source: AnythingHollywood.com

Losing your virginity is a big thing for a girl, and I’m sure it seems like everyone around you is losing it in some super special way with a really great dude. In movies and TV shows, it’s all candles, roses and sweet “I love you’s”; but the sad truth is that in real life, it’s usually not like that. The first time having sex is not great for every girl – it can be awkward, disappointing, and messy. So trust me, you’re not alone here.

That being said, what happened is in the past, and there’s nothing you can do to change it. Now it’s time to move on from that bad experience and to get over this loser guy who treated you badly. He isn’t worth your time or energy, and he definitely isn’t worth crying over (read my advice on getting over someone for more tips).

The good news is that now you can learn from your mistakes and focus on your next first time with a different dude. Before you have sex with someone new, make sure you have a conversation about where your relationship is going. Don’t jump into sex with anyone else unless you know they love and care about you, and you feel totally comfortable with them. I’m not saying you have to wait until marriage, but just give yourself some time – the first time is important, but that doesn’t mean the second time can’t be just as important.

take care,

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com


Next, Heather gives advice on convincing your parents to let you do what you want!

Posted in: Dating, Discuss, Everything Else, Friends With Benefits, Health, Sex & Relationships, Help Me Heather, Help&Advice, Hooking Up, Love Advice, Love&Sex, Relationships, Sex, Sex, Sucky Emotions, Virginity, Your Life
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  • Lovelyone

    I lost my virginity when i was like 20 yrs old. I really regret my first time because the guy was just such a liar , and would talk to other women behind my back. I just felt very pressured by him to have sex and he was a little older than me. I wish i would of been smart and left him the first time , but i didn’t and he just kept hurting me.

  • funsize

    hi im 16 and i lost my virginity 10 days ago…idk if what im about to ask is based on the current heading but i really need an answer ….well as i said i lost my virginity 10 days ago…it was unprotected…(longstory) anyway well 10 days passed and im kinda paranoid since i missed my last period but i have a rather irregular cycle so my period is probably late also iv been having slight cramps like period cramps and yellowish discharge could i be pregnant or is my period on its way please help i could really use some advise and opinions

  • blahh

    I am a male and I am here to say that im sorry that it didnt work out but just remember its not just the guys fault. It takes two to tango, and yes you should make sure theres no doubts in your mind when making that discussion because its a big one. But who knows about the future so live in the now and not the past and also im seeing a lot of negativy towards the men the women lost it to but just remeber you said yes amd if you truly did mot want to get hurt then you should of looked more into the guys life and personality because then you can tell if he’s a mess amd a bad pick.

  • prettygurl

    Hey. I’m planning to loose my virginity Friday from a guy iknown for. 2 years he’s a sweetheart and has been trying to get me for so long.

  • nikki

    The guy I lost mine too was also a virgin he was 21 and I 19 we together for 3 years now but he had too move to a city and I used to cry myself thinking of him all the time becase sex did bond us now I’m 21 and things aren’t so great between us because of his city life I know he goes clubbing hard core and he may be intimite with other woman it may be flings bit used to hurt but I feel I’m learning to move past it slowly I feel that he just only pities me he says he’s sorry for breaking me he says I was a virgin and he broke me and that he is sorry he didn’t own up too cheating but in my heart I feel that he is if he wasn’t he wouldnot have been sorry…I doo feelself regret and dissapointment sometimes but I have told him don’t pity me don’t be sorry its apart of who I am now I have no regrets I still haven’t got intimate with another person just yet im sure wen I find the right guy the hurt and pain would dissapear and girls love yourl selfs that’s most important you need self too feel loved or wanted its more then that

  • John Doe

    Girls, guys are pigs, trust me. Most of them are. The trick is to find the right one. Im not gonna say save it till marriage, but dont let there be a doubt in your mind that its what you want to do. The first time is never what you expect it to be, but when its with the right person, it only gets better. First though, you gotta find the right one. There are good guys out there.

  • kerry

    Hey gurls,
    I like some of you lost my virginity to the wrong guy. He smoothed talked me and said he was single but really he wasn’t. And now its just a bad cycle with me and guys. Those of you who just feel like crap becuz of your predicaments jst remember im there with you and eventually we all can get past it and find our true princes and live our dreams!

  • Cupids-Arrow

    A lot of girls are in the same position as you. I really don’t know how it feels like to loose your virginity because I’m still a virgin but I have friends. And the best thing to do I think is to move on. I’m not saying it in a mean way, it’s just you can’t change the pass. So move on 🙂 And that guy who treated you badly? Screw him! He not worth it. You have your whole life ahead of you and some day you’ll meet someone who’s worth it. So don’t go giving you all hope for the opposite sex either.

  • lilbutterfly

    you lost your virginity to him and you EXPECTED to continue a long bond with him. You wanted to have sex and you felt satisfied though it wasnt the best experience. It isnt as though he forced you into it or “stole” it from you. You make it sound as though you sacrificed something that you didnt want to part with in the first place. It wasnt as though you reluctantly parted with your virginity just to please him. But YOU had a choice and you chose to do it. This is where the problem lies. Girls think that just because they give up their virginity to a guy, that he should be forever indebted and devoted to her. But really, it isnt just the guy who enjoyed the experience. Both of you did. It is different if she was forced or raped. This was mutually agreed upon and consensual.
    The problem is that we build “fairy tales” in our minds and our expectations go haywire. Instead, if girls just prepared for their first time with understanding their bodies, planning who they want to do it with, reading about it etc and NOT expect huge amounts of loyalty from the guy, in return for sex, disappointments will be far less.
    I dont think it is fair to blame the guy here. I agree his etiquette is shocking and there should be a decorum around having sex. But obviously he was lacking those finer qualities. Pity you chose him. I bet he was closer to your age too. Older guys get such a bad name but most older guys feel the responsibility to be more endearing to their girls and the emotional responses are far superior than with guys our age.
    This is why I just never go out with guys my age. They are so immature and have no etiquette. My boyfriends have always been much older and thankfully I have not had any bad experiences.
    Plz dont blame anyone. Just learn from mistakes. I call it an experience and a very valuable one too. Sex and intimacy is such a beautiful experience and you will most certainly experience something far better with time.

  • Thickums:)

    I know competely how you feel! i lost mine october 16 and now that guy barely talks to me. I’ve been hurt for soo long. Crying myself to sleep and he flirts with other girls in front of my face!

    • Kayleigh

      I’m in a very similar situation… I had sex with this guy, he didn’t know it was my first time and I wasn’t gonna be the one to tell him so I had sex with him thinking we’d bond or something stupid but he didn’t talk to me for weeks afterwards and now he has a new girlfriend but unfortunately not only do I have to deal with him and her I also have to deal with the fact he still flirts with me (he started talking to me again) all the time and I know I cant have him.