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Don't let it bring you too far down. | Source: CollegeCandy.com
Lose Your Virginity
Dear Heather,
Help! I am 15 years old and in January I lost my virginity. It was with a boy who I had known for two years and had very strong feelings for, but I didn’t have a proper relationship with him. We met up a few times a week for that full two years to hook up. One night things got rather carried away and we had sex, it was nothing like I wanted it. I wanted my first time to be really special, but it wasn’t.
A month has passed, and now the boy I did it with only talks to me when the conversation has something to do with sex. I thought I trusted him and I thought he wouldn’t just stop talking to me after we did it. I’m starting to get really paranoid that he might have just been talking to me just so he could sleep with me. Right after we did it, he started going out with another girl and I was so confused. Because I had sex with him, my feelings did grow stronger, and now I’m always upset.
I wish I could go back in time and change everything, but I can’t. WHAT SHOULD I DO?!
If I could, I would come over there and give you a huge hug. I’m so sorry that your first time wasn’t as special as you wanted it to be – and that this guy turned out to be so disappointing. It stinks when something we’ve always thought about doesn’t happen the way we want it to, but unfortunately, that’s just how life is sometimes.
Khloe Kardashian has publicly admitted to regretting the way she lost hers | Source: AnythingHollywood.com
Losing your virginity is a big thing for a girl, and I’m sure it seems like everyone around you is losing it in some super special way with a really great dude. In movies and TV shows, it’s all candles, roses and sweet “I love you’s”; but the sad truth is that in real life, it’s usually not like that. The first time having sex is not great for every girl – it can be awkward, disappointing, and messy. So trust me, you’re not alone here.
That being said, what happened is in the past, and there’s nothing you can do to change it. Now it’s time to move on from that bad experience and to get over this loser guy who treated you badly. He isn’t worth your time or energy, and he definitely isn’t worth crying over (read my advice on getting over someone for more tips).
The good news is that now you can learn from your mistakes and focus on your next first time with a different dude. Before you have sex with someone new, make sure you have a conversation about where your relationship is going. Don’t jump into sex with anyone else unless you know they love and care about you, and you feel totally comfortable with them. I’m not saying you have to wait until marriage, but just give yourself some time – the first time is important, but that doesn’t mean the second time can’t be just as important.
take care,
heather
What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com
Next, Heather gives advice on convincing your parents to let you do what you want!
Lose Your Virginity
Can You Trust Him?
you lost your virginity to him and you EXPECTED to continue a long bond with him. You wanted to have sex and you felt satisfied though it wasnt the best experience. It isnt as though he forced you into it or “stole” it from you. You make it sound as though you sacrificed something that you didnt want to part with in the first place. It wasnt as though you reluctantly parted with your virginity just to please him. But YOU had a choice and you chose to do it. This is where the problem lies. Girls think that just because they give up their virginity to a guy, that he should be forever indebted and devoted to her. But really, it isnt just the guy who enjoyed the experience. Both of you did. It is different if she was forced or raped. This was mutually agreed upon and consensual.
The problem is that we build “fairy tales” in our minds and our expectations go haywire. Instead, if girls just prepared for their first time with understanding their bodies, planning who they want to do it with, reading about it etc and NOT expect huge amounts of loyalty from the guy, in return for sex, disappointments will be far less.
I dont think it is fair to blame the guy here. I agree his etiquette is shocking and there should be a decorum around having sex. But obviously he was lacking those finer qualities. Pity you chose him. I bet he was closer to your age too. Older guys get such a bad name but most older guys feel the responsibility to be more endearing to their girls and the emotional responses are far superior than with guys our age.
This is why I just never go out with guys my age. They are so immature and have no etiquette. My boyfriends have always been much older and thankfully I have not had any bad experiences.
Plz dont blame anyone. Just learn from mistakes. I call it an experience and a very valuable one too. Sex and intimacy is such a beautiful experience and you will most certainly experience something far better with time.
I know competely how you feel! i lost mine october 16 and now that guy barely talks to me. I’ve been hurt for soo long. Crying myself to sleep and he flirts with other girls in front of my face!