How Do You Get Out Of A Friends With Benefits Mess?

Friends With Benefits: Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake

These two made it work... in the movie. | Source: Tumblr.com

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bubblygirl22 said:

How do I get out of a friends with benefits mess? I think we both care a lot about each other, but it’s so complicated. We spend time together just hanging out. But we have sex. Sometimes it’s just a booty call. Sometimes it’s literally just hanging out. But I don’t know what to think of it. I wonder if he thinks of me as more, and worry that he doesn’t. I think I do want more. I am growing attached to him. I feel like I should ‘run away’, get out while I can, but he’s my friend. I can’t run and don’t want to lose him. Yet we’ve both agreed we’re ‘too complicated already to be in a relationship’, though he’s asked me before if that’s all I want or if I want something more… I don’t know what to do.

 

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Posted in: Boards, Discuss, Friends With Benefits, Health, Sex & Relationships, Hooking Up, Love Advice, Love&Sex, Relationships, Sex
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  • tak

    im about to end my situation with my fwb because i think he has a girlfriend in another country and hiding it.. also he admit it that he has couple more “friends”. and for female fwb relationship is a little difficult i think.. because somehow us girls involve feelings.. this is only my opinion! but the reason why im going to end mine is that i start being attached to the guy and i know it wont work and know that it will end up messing everything up for me. so it will be hard at first but ending it now because i dont want to waste my time for my own life to get real happiness not for temporary good time.

  • Maria

    Friends traveling on vacations together. Friends and Family pointed out to me that he is so into me. (my cousin and I know he has a fear of commitment and it would may never work) When people point it out how cute, we both kind of get awkward and our friendship takes a break. I have been kind of confused b/c he acts like he has feelings for me then he gets hot and cold. He announces to me we are FWB. Several months before this he had said FWB involved feelings and he couldn’t do it. Then for some reason he changed his mind and said things about taking chances and at one point told me he loved me- Which really shocked me and I asked him what he said- then he took it back the L word back… Since then I had traveled to see him and after 3rd day, I felt like we were in awkward place and some how I need to bring it to table.. Then Finally my last day I was running on limited time to further discuss and He told me he apologize if he had mislead me & he told me that we are FWB. We had never really discuss that we were doing the FWB until that day. I told him that was all I wanted. Only because I thought he wanted to hear it. It maybe because he has feelings for a girl or b/c he is having health issues. I don’t feel that I can discuss this with him at a distance. I feel the discussion needs to bring back to the table but I feel like maybe I should just distance myself from him. Let me go on with his life and decide if I am actually someone he wants to keep in his life as a friend or something more. I am not sure of my feelings for him b/c people know we have been together and have big plans for us. I think neither one of us can come to terms of what our feelings are. He has been engaged once or twice and has noncommitment problems. I have been hurt to bad to sort what is going on. I think FWB can be good if you communicate and be open but when you don’t discuss where you going, negotiate terms then there is awkward distance.

  • Kess

    I was dumped a while ago by a guy, because he wasn’t as “happy” to see me anymore. He found out I liked someone else a while ago, and was trying to help me explain my feelings to this new guy. But I told my ex I reconsidered liking him because he was rude. So, because I’m stupid and not over my ex, I agreed to be FWB with him. I don’t think I’m ever going to truly get over my ex.

  • LittleOne

    i want to have more with a guy i have had sex with well i lost my virginity to him. .he say he is not good in relationships but he said he would try but im afraid to give hime my heart ,,,can i get some advice…?

    • CherryBliss

      If you have feelings towards him and he said he doesn’t mind trying it out then its a risk worth taking. If you don’t want to open your heart to him because you’re too scared he’ll break it, don’t let yourself get too attached until you feel secure in the relationship. In my opinion honey I don’t think you should pass this up and just take a chance.
      Good luck on whatever you decide to do x

    • tak

      just follow your heart and do what you think its right at the time. but never let him use you.

  • Taylor

    I’m in a FWB relationship…We don’t have sex, but we just flirt a lot. We started out as best friends, but he started getting serious feelings for me. I thought I had feelings for him to, so I told him we would date whenever the new school year starts. I got to asking myself if I really wanted to date him, and I decided I wantedd to stay single and flirt…but he got upset and now i have no idea what to do. HELP!

  • RollMyJay99

    You Have To Really Have No Emotions To Become FWB Because Its Easy To Catch Feelings , Even Through Sex .

  • Lorraine

    Im in a FWB relationship. I can see where it might be kind of a mess, but both of us knows that it won’t really last anyway (he’s going to college a solid 4,000 miles away) so for now…… it works.

  • Chloe

    FWB NEVER WORKS OUT. I’ve tried with many different guys and it really doesn’t. Someone always gets hurt either he finds someone else or you do, or you end up liking him but he doesn’t like you back…ya know? The occasional hook up isn’t bad but don’t keep it a constant thing or someone will get hurt.

    Just tell him you want a relationship or to be just friends – no in between.

    • katie

      I have too. and it doesn’t. I did it a couple of times and the last guy told me i wasnt the only girl he’s hooking up with. So i just stopped talking to him.

  • Liz

    …SAY IT. Don’t let these feelings go to waste our grow even more for a chance of an even worse hurt. You need to be straight up with him… Its YOUR sex life, its YOUR feelings and its YOUR body and you can’t let him take advantage of that.. So ask him, what do you think of me? And tell him I.am having deeper feelings about you then I anticipated.. Now this DOES NOT mean you’ll like the answer but at this point you need to know

  • LittleMissSarcastic

    From experience, FTW never end well. Sex is just a very intimate thing, and you always feel apart of that person afterward. If you are having feelings for him it would be better to tell him now, instead of waiting for months until it just pours out in a mess of words. Trust me it’s not pretty doing it that way, and you just torture yourself with the “what ifs” Good luck!

  • Sarah

    I am in a fwb relationship and it’s going great. It’s all on the girl that you are. He respects me and we treat each other really well. We even talk about the future when we are together. But at the end of the day, we know it’s only sex that matters now. Maybe later when we finish studying we will do something. Maybe

  • Liz

    I’m in the same situation right now. It’s true, you have to give it your all and both go into a committed relationship or go your seperate ways. Take it from me, the longer you wait around pretending to be friends and hiding your true feelings the harder your making it on yourself.

  • Yvette

    I dont think friends with benefits ever works out well. So I think you should choose either all or nothing, i’m not saying you have to cut him out of your life completely, but either become a couple if you both feel something more for each other or just stay friends. (Friends that dont have sex) Don’t try to settle for something in between. Sex isn’t something made for friends, i think it should be reserved for serious couples ONLY.

  • Hailey

    Friends with benefits only seems to complicate EVERYTHING. I don’t speak from personal experience, but judging everyone else’s experiences, it seems more hassle than it’s worth. Why play it off as FWD when it’s about the same difficulty breaking it off as it would be a “real relationship”.

    • Hailey

      Haha FWB, never mind my car reference.