Ask A Guy: Why Will He Hook Up With Me But Not Call Me His GF?

Kristen Wiig and Jon Hamm in Bridesmaids

If he's like Jon Hamm in Bridesmaids? Get rid of him! | Source:

Dear Ethan: I’ve had guys do this to me, so it’s been bothering me. Why am I good enough to talk to and kiss and have sex with , but yet I’m not good enough for you to bring me around your family or friends, much less ask me to be your GF??!!

The first step in getting a guy to show some respect for your relationship is to make him work for sex. Not that he needs to do dog tricks or your Poly Sci paper, but going all the way should be a prize reserved for someone that you’ve come to trust and develop feelings for. And the longer you make him wait, the more invested he’ll become.

After fooling around for a few months – or even weeks, if things are moving quickly – you need to make your desire for exclusivity clear. As I revealed in a previous post, males are biologically wired for sex without strings. So you might need to sweetly, but explicitly, explain that you’re looking for something more than just “friends with benefits.”

He won't commit? Don't let him down there. | Source:

If he’s still avoiding monogomy after that conversation, it’s time to cut him loose. Either something from his past is holding him back (e.g. a lingering ex-, a commitment phobia, etc.), or “he’s just not that into you” (read the book, skip the movie). Plus, if he truly does have affections but has been taking you for granted, once you stop making him a priority (or, even more powerfully, start dating someone else), he’ll come running back faster than Usain Bolt in the 100 meter dash. Conversely, should he appear unfazed by the fact that you’re no longer physically or emotionally available, then you know he wasn’t worth the heartache in the first place.

One word of caution, however: if you decide to move on, make sure you mean it. Doing so simply to make him jealous will only make the situation worse. Break ties for yourself, and not to keep the attention of some dude who, thus far, hasn’t been taking your relationship – or your feelings – seriously. Assuming he does happen to come crawling back, then you can choose whether or not to grant him a second chance. At that point, free to remind him, as a great philosopher of our time once declared, “If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it.”

Good luck!

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Ethan, email him at!


Do guys actually want to give you oral sex? See what Ethan has to say!

Posted in: Ask A Guy, Friends With Benefits, Health, Sex & Relationships, Help&Advice, Hooking Up, Love Advice, Love&Sex, Relationships, Sex, Your Life
Tags: , , , , , ,
  • Missfiction

    dont make him “work” for sex! Make him wait until marriage. if he loves you he’ll wait. its not science gURLS ….

  • Missfiction

    because you dont make them wait for sex! duh! make them wait and tell them you in it for the love and not the sex. god . seriously?

  • Pingback: Candy Dish: Hef’s Son Beats a Bunny : CollegeCandy()