Talk To Your Boyfriend Instead Of Reading His Mind

unless you are a fortune teller like her you should talk to your boyfriend

Let's face it, you're no psychic! | Source: Tumblr

Sometimes when you think something’s wrong in your relationship, you have to just talk to your boyfriend–plain and simple. You are not a mind reader. I learned that about myself the hard way.

Jake seemed withdrawn. We usually sat together at lunch but today he wanted to sit alone. As we walked home I made our silly jokes but he mostly just nodded.

Then we walked past Chelsea, the corner barista and his eyes lit up. All of a sudden he was smiling and waving. Now it was my turn to be sulky.

“If you wanna be with her just say it!,” I blurted out. Obviously he was cheating on me with Chelsea.

“What?” he asked. We were now that couple, standing on a street corner arguing.

“I’m not stupid, Jake. You’ve been weird all day and now you’re all up in her face.”

Jake shook his head. A tear rolled down his cheek as he explained. His dad was diagnosed with lung cancer but he just wasn’t up to talking about it yet.

How often do we do this? We play guessing games about what other people’s actions mean. We put together Hollywood-worthy back-stories for drama that exists only in our minds. We say, he always texts right back but now he hasn’t texted back in an hour. He must be cheating — but really, he was just in the movies with his phone off for two hours!

If you need “Mind Reading Rehab” like I did, here’s how to stop acting like a nutcase and learn to talk to your boyfriend.

talk to him, not to your ouija board

This won't help either! | source: Facebook

1. DON’T jump to conclusions.
When you’re trying to read between the lines and the lines aren’t there you are your own worst enemy. Back off. Don’t forget what they say the word “ass-u-me”means.

2. DO just ask.
Instead a playing a mean game of dating espionage, just ASK. I know, sometimes it’s not that easy to talk to your boyfriend. But many times we’re just running around in our brains without our own supervision. Before jumping to conclusions, always ask.

3. STOP taking everything so personally.
Each individual on the planet is starring in their very own melodrama, not yours. Everything is not about you. Don’t take the actions of others so personally.

4. GIVE your sweetie a chance to explain.
Part of being in a relationship is actually relating to what the other person is going through. So talk to your boyfriend, and be sure to listen to what he says.

5. DO trust your intuition.
When you stop being paranoid you’ll learn to read your true intuition. Trust yourself. Some folks are shady. If it walks, talks, smells like a duck, it’s probably a duck. Don’t ignore things that are plain as the nose on your beautiful face.

Paranoia is plain out bad for you and your relationship. You are being your own worst enemy. It’s easy to give in to anxiety and create problems where there aren’t any. Some of us grew up without seeing the best relationship communication skills but that’s okay because we can learn to do better now.

When you think something’s up, do you talk to your boyfriend or do you tend to jump to conclusions. Be honest and tell me in the comments!

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  • Shellseeker29

    I have been a widow for six years. I recently re-met up with a man that I dated when we were teenagers. When I was unemployed and decided to move back to the Midwest,he asked me to move in with him. His ex-girlfriend lives next door. We discussed this before I moved in. He broke up with her 2 years and 1 month before I came. I stated upfront that I did not want to be a pawn in this and he swore that he would never go back with her. However, since I have been here, she has suddenly come around ALOT and lately he seems to be more into talking to her than he was before. I have never been one to be jealous, but I am annoyed. She has turned into a thorn in my side. I feel like he might be more interested in here than he says. I am horrible at asking questions and I do not want to put ideas in his head either.

    Now he does want me outside anytime she is around and we spend all of our time together. He cannot have sex per say because of a hernia in his groan area, which does not bother me, yet there is a lack of intimacy because of this and I think that is where a lot of my insecurity is coming from.

    Any advice?

    Do I dare say anything about how I feel about the neighbor and that situation or keep quiet like I have so far?



  • Mia

    i’m in love with a guy, who really showed his respect and care, he is a v independent person , but wht is really confusing me y he never talk abt the future with me and never said” i love u” he think love is deaf and we shld prove our love to our partner , and when i asked him if he loves me, he got mad and said until now and u still don’t know after all this time, not until 2025 u will know, plus he never showed his emotion if he is sad , happy , jealous … he is really weird but i do love him, am afraid to judge him in a wrong way and leave or stay with him and hurt myself at the end… any advice plz ??

  • Shelly

    I agree with this. Lately in my relationship I’ve been feeling so insecure and vulnerable. My boyfriend himself told me, that I will start pushing him away if I continue with my attitude and things I say. I can’t seem to help it, sometimes.
    Thing is, I made the mistake to move in with him, everything was going perfectly fine, his friends all love me, we can all hang out and have fun, but I feel as I catch on more feelings I’m beginning to act different. I remember at the beginning we were so silly and so alike, one thing he told me long ago was ” I don’t think I can ever be faithful but just loyal”. I nodded my head like wow, I didnt think this relationship was heading where it is now. Now take that statement and slowly kill myself, I do not want to share him with any other broad. and I talk to him and tell him, and he tells me that he hasn’t cheated and wont bc Im all he needs right now, but then he will do strange things be on the phone constanly and I can’t take it. I jump to conclusion bc Im not stupid and I dont want to get played but all he tells me is that by me doing that im just hurting myself. I hate it. I love him but I don’t want to let him go. I’m currently relying on him financly, that also kills me because I feel as though he has the upper hand in the relationship. His personality is so appealing I know he would be able to hook up with whom ever he pleased. The fact that he is about 17 years older than me also kills it, I’m 18 young beautiful and with a whole life ahead of me, but I can’t seem to get him away from that picture. I know he truly does care for me, he pushed me into getting into college and always is looking out for me. I don’t know what to do… should I go back home where I won’t be able to sleep and be with him constantly and have to think if he is bringinng someone home? or should I stay here living with him, thinking of what he is doing, if he is texting some girl he met or thinking about hooking up, and living the life with him that is so fascinating and be the girl I know he needs? There is just so many little details in this relationship that has gotten me so confused

  • Jazzi

    Just because Jake started to lighten up around Chelsea doesn’t mean that he was cheating on the girl so I think she should have kept her mouth shut and not had said anything. So yeah, you should never jump to conclusions like number 1 says. I also agree with number 2, you should just ask. It might be embarrasing and what not but it’s just better to be blunt and ask otherwise you’d just be there for probably ages trying to guess and you’ll just never know the truth and what not if you don’t Ask. I also agree with the 3rd and definitely the 4th. 5th also. I really do like this article, it does help. 🙂