My Boyfriend’s Best Friend Is A Girl – And I’m Jealous. What Do I Do?

Zac Efron, Vanessa Hudgens, Ashley Tisdale

When Zac was with Vanessa, he was close to Ash | Source:

Dear Heather,

My boyfriend has a best friend who’s a girl (and she’s gorgeous) and sometimes I feel like he will always put her before me. We fight all the time because of her and I told him he’s not allowed to see her but he doesn’t listen. He says I should trust him and she’s like a sister to him but I can’t stand her and she’s not nice to me. What do I do? I love him, he’d never cheat on me, I know it. I’m just scared.

I totally understand you being worried about your boyfriend’s BFF. It’s normal to feel jealous about your BF spending alone time with another girl, especially a girl he obviously is really close to. However, (and you might not want to hear this) this is something you need to learn to deal with for the sake of your relationship.

Fighting with your boyfriend over this girl and telling him he’s not allowed to hang out with her is definitely not the way to handle this. Acting that way is only going to make your BF angry and it will probably eventually push him away. Think about it: would you like it if he told you who you could and couldn’t hang out with? Unless something seriously shady is going on between them, you really don’t have the right to tell him he can’t see his best friend anymore.

Two Girls Fighting

DON'T do this with the girl - or him. | Source:

Instead of arguing with him, try explaining to him calmly how uncomfortable this whole situation makes you feel. If you’re completely honest with him, it might make him a little bit more sympathetic – but it probably isn’t going to make him dump her completely. Just ask him to be open with you about what they do when they hang out together. Let him know that when he puts her before you, it really hurts your feelings.

Also, you should definitely make nice with this girl. Ask him if you can hang out with the two of them sometimes. Get to know her and see what she’s all about. I’m not saying you have to make her your BFF also, but learning more about her and becoming friendly with her might make her seem like less of a threat. It will also make your boyfriend happy. If he feels like he can hang with both you together, then that might cut down on their alone time; plus it’ll impress him that you’re making an effort.

The main thing is that if you genuinely do trust your boyfriend, you need to accept his friendship with this girl. You said yourself you don’t think he would cheat on you – and if he’s telling you she’s like a sister to him, he probably means it. Unless you notice them being weirdly flirty or getting too close for comfort, you shouldn’t worry. It is possible for guys and girls to just have a platonic friendship.

take care,

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Should you ever be friends with benefits with your ex? Read what Heather thinks.

Posted in: Dating, Health, Sex & Relationships, Help Me Heather, Help&Advice, Love&Sex, Relationships, Sucky Emotions
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  • maryn

    i cnt take it when my boyfriend is friends with my bestfriends,

  • Haley

    I dont have a problem with my bf having a female bff, but if the bff doesnt like you and is bitchy towards u then thats a huge problem!! and if ur man does nothing to stop her bitchyness then clearly ur man need to set his priorities straight. Your his woman and u shouldnt have feel like ur in a competition with some girl!! he has to put you first!!

  • shanie

    We’ll I got the same problem my bf I been with for one years and 8month and now a baby on the wey . I Hate he’s Bestfriend that’s a girl since I ment her at mcd we work together she had bf all she talk abou Is my bf it was geting anoying than I go on fb I see all this bestfriend shit with my bf tageed on and where he’s pic with he’s bf like seriosly wtf IWas so angry I hate her since than I complainded to my bf and siad hate her she a bitch she just want antenchion and all her message and love dovey shit .I complaine he siad that he told her not to do that and I told him I hope don’t see her that I’ll dump him .the thing is I trullly love him he’s evrything to me.and hate that he supose be mine all mine.and I broke up a time ago because of her but he keep telling me that ther just friends they been friends for looong time that she’s just like sister. But I don’t care I just want her gone in he’s life. Can’t stand her evan me and the girl dissed echother on fb.My bf siad he will be out of it. He won’t take part. And all he siad is I’m he’s girlfriend and he love me and she’s just friend that been long time friend with. But still I see her oo gosh will be troubled.evan tough I’m not kinda girl like that but I just hate girls come between me and my bf . And stil don’t know hot to deal with it.and he still talk to her.

  • anonymous

    My bf has a female best friend, they’re very close. probably closer than he and I are, long story. anyway he has mentioned to me before he thought she was drop dead gorgeous but couldn’t date her for reasons that they are too much alike. he has other female friends but he talks about her often praising her. she doesn’t like me bc I’ve hurt him in the past. he’s currently on travel and she freaked out worrying about him like crazy bc something horrible happened in a city she thought he was at, but he wasn’t. he told me he got tons of texts and vms from her asking if he was ok. I found it weird behaviour. I’m not worried about him cheating, but even he’s going thru something he’ll go to her instead of me. I wonder if he and I will ever be close as a couple which usually means your s.o. is the closest person in your life, not your best friend altho is pretty close.

    • Shynee

      I can relate with this one. My bestfriend is a guy and we are bestfriends since high school-almost 10 years. I never had serious relationship and I’m not threatened of not having a boyfriend because for me, my bestfriend is more than enough. He cares about me, he loves me and accepts me of who I am. I don’t have romantic feeling for him. I’m pretty sure of that coz he is like a brother to me. He has pasts relationships but also not serious. He is my date every valentine’s day(yes, even the time he has gf ). He always assures me he will choose me if i will let him choose(so sweet of him!). But one day he met this girl and he said she is right girl for him. I was scared. I was afraid of losing him. I’m not yet ready to share him with others so I was really mean to his gf.,I really hate her for stealing my bff!.,we talked about how i feel and I was so touched when my bff said he is willing to let go that girl for me. Because he doesn’t want to me to get hurt. at that moment, I realized how blessed I am for having him as my bestfriend and how selfish I am. He is wiling to sacrifice his happiness just to make sure I’m happy! As of now, they are still together and I’m working abroad-to give them the chance to get closer and I’m trying to find myself. I know that no matter what, we are bestfriends. Nobody can change that fact!.,though we are living apart now but our bond is still there. Best Friends Forever!

  • Lilian

    As long as she’s just being friendly, and you really know he doenst like her, no big deal. My boyfriend hangs out with girls too.
    But if you notice they talk bad about you to him, or ask him; ‘Do you really love HER?’ Or keep telling memories that you havent heard, kiss or snuggle with him, things get different. You can tell him, just how you feel, not that he cant see her again, thats ridiculous.
    And you can be friendly next time, and say; ‘Haha, silly girl, he’s mine, arrrr’ and make a pirate-move while you ‘catch’ him like a pirate in front of her. If she reacts weird, leaves the room, complaints about it to your bf, theres something wrong. If she just lets it go, and takes the hint, she wont do anything. And as long as your bf knows where the boundaries are, and can say; ‘Haha, stop’ when she starts hugging, it’s fine.

  • just_jess12

    What if his ex girlfriend is his bestfriend? how do u get over that?

  • jessica

    What if his bestfriend is his ex gf…how do u deal with that??

  • Katie

    But what if he he used to be in love with her while he was with his other girlfriends?

  • Beee

    My situation is that I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 2 years now and he’s always had those fake “best friends” and I knew that they were trying to aim for something more. But, he recently just met someone new and it’s only been 1 week and they are suddenly best friends. They text everyday 24/7, even when I’m with him. She keeps asking to come over and hang out with him but I don’t know the girl and I just think it’s strange because she just recently got dumped and now my boyfriend and her are best friends. It just doesn’t sound right to me. I’ve been through a lot with cheating boyfriends and I know how girls think; “I’ll just be best friends with him and then slowly start building up the friendship to something more.” I know that not all girls are like that, but this girl seems like it. I’m a really jealous kind of person and I am really insecure with myself. Him and I keep fighting about it and then talk about it very calmly, but he still doesn’t make a change. I over think a lot and I really don’t want to be replaced as his girlfriend AND as his bestfriend! We do everything together and I don’t want to see another girl do the same things that I like to do with him. I don’t know what to do. Should I get a guy best friend or should I not? Should I see how he would feel? What do I do…?

    • sally

      dump him,they gonna keep hurting you, sooner later he start sneaking out with her, start blaming you for your weakness, that best girl friend is arrogant , selfish, she knows he likes her a lot, he should be committed to you not her, if he claims she is his best girl friend, tell him to get @#$%$d with her. it ruins your day night and life with doubt, best friend should be you and him not attention seeker sluts, she can have her own. unless u want to share, no thanks for me for this shit.

  • Millie

    what if his ‘girl BFF’ is his ex.

  • Tigress

    I hv been in this situation too..i met my bf online n we r in ldr. Its been one yr n he loves me truly. The problem was he had a girl best fren.. N she used to use him as a flirting fren to jealous her ex. They seemed quite close whn i came in his life n i respected their frenship a lot.. Bt as time passed by i didnt like the way she still tried to be close to him evn after i was his gf..n the way they commented on fb.. So i hd a huge fight with him n he said he doesnt need anyone except me in his we continued our relationship n i later tried to explain him hw insecure i feel being emotionally close to an opposite sex fren i too myself hd many experiences whre i hd lost old frenships bcos my male frens started getting attracted to i dont believe in opposite sex frenship too mch n ofcourse no gf wud stand her man being close to another girl.. I m mch happier nw…as there is less frustration n jealousy..thanks to my bf who put my feelings above evrything else

    • Kamrie

      Omg im on the other side of the story.. My best friend i met online to and we are really close.. i could talk to him bout anything. And now we may not be able to talk anymore.. Same situation as the gurl who posted. But the thing is the gf is pretty herself so i dont understand why she feels that way. I dont have the intention of stealing anyone from any body who they are in love with. But anyhow.. it sucks 🙁 I already miss him

      • Hmm

        I guess you would understand if you were the girlfriend in the situation. It sucks when there’s another woman your boyfriend can be close with and tell things to. It sucks even more when the girl insists on calling your boyfriend and asking him to play games with her even though she knows he has a girlfriend.