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Bottom line? Don't feel self-conscious about it! | Source: Weheartit.com
Dear Ethan: Okay, so my boyfriend wants to give me oral, and I’m just a little confused because I really don’t see what pleasure he would get out of it. Plus, wouldn’t it be awkward?
Any sexually experienced woman in a long-term relationship will tell you that unprompted proposals of oral sex are like chocolates or flowers – they don’t come around every day, so you might want to accept when they’re presented…
But jokes aside, I know you’re writing because you want a guy’s perspective. So I can tell you with confidence that pretty much all the dudes I know enjoy performing oral sex with any girl they’re into. And while some simply appreciate the act itself, all of them enjoy the fact that it makes their ladies feel good! Just as you may receive satisfaction from the look on his face upon handing him a plate of freshly baked cookies, administering a relaxing massage, or flipping the channel to the Lakers game, we’re turned on by you being turned on.
He just wants to make you feel good | Source: Favim.com
Now, obviously your boyfriend won’t be the only one participating — your personal experience is just as important. In that respect, try to keep in mind that the awkwardness of any sexual undertaking is in the eye of the beholder (or, I suppose, the “private parts” of the beholder). Take foot fetishes, for example – anyone not into having their toes tasted might find such an inclination bizarre, but if a footjob aficionado can find a lady who’s into tongue-administered pedicures, you’ve got a match made in heaven! In other words, sex can be very subjective, so a trustworthy partner whom you can relate to should help make bedroom experimentation a lot less awkward.
With all of that said, if there’s ever anything you’re not ready to try or are simply uncomfortable with, don’t feel bad about standing your ground, no matter how strange or “normal” the act may seem. After all, dating a mature guy who can patiently respect your boundaries is the healthiest way to expand them eventually. The path to cunnilingus isn’t a race!*
Good luck!
Ethan
*That is, unless you’re competing in the 2012 Oral Sex Olympics—in which case, it is.
Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Ethan, email him at askaguy@gurl.com!
Do you think oral sex is as serious as intercourse? Discuss.
New Quiz!
Bedroom Quiz!
Don’t be nervous about it. As long as you keep yourself clean down there and you’re with a guy you trust, then just enjoy it.
Anyone else find that guys don’t really know what to do? I’ve been with 5 guys and none of them were any good to begin with. I was in a 4 and a half year relationship and by the end he was a pro. His future girlfriends can thank me later!
I love giving my girlfriend oral because I want to always please her and it really turns me on.
Wish i could say i recieve but my three year boyfriend hasnt given me oral in over two years. Yet he expects it from me. It hurts me because he used to give me oral all the time yet now im giving and not recieving.
put sweet and low on your hoo hah before he goes down on you if youre really that worried about the taste but as long as you shower everyday then you should taste fine
Seriously, every girl needs a guy to go down on her a few times, once any awkwardness is gone, you may find this is the best sex you will ever, ever have. I love giving as it really gets me in the mood and I love receiving too as it makes me to a place way beyond any normal orgasm, but hey, thats just me.
Oral sex is one of the most intimate things you can do for your partner. I love making my girlfriend feel good so what baby wants, baby gets lol I try to spice things up sometimes by using this http://www.blissfulgoodies.com/The-LingO-Vibrating-Tongue-Ring/sku-SCRLNG110?a=artificial_vagina
I currently just graduated from High School and has been in a stable relationship since the end of my Freshman year with my boyfriend. Today is actually our 3rd year and 5th month
Well in the next few days I’m going to be spending my time with him, we really wanted to do Oral, but how do we know if we’re ready? I have my insecurities, but I know that he loves me for who I am and respects the person that I am. I honestly feel that he deserves this. It’s going to be our first time and I’m kind of nervous. Should I go on with it?
yup because eventually he will want to and love you even more for doing it first
My boyfriend has gone down on me many times before, but I’m not entirely sure he know exactly where my clit is. When he’s eating me out he’ll kinda get it but not really. Even when he fingers me he’ll try like rubbing my clit as well as the fingering but he’s not exactly hitting the right spot. He’s like generally in the right area. Sometimes I just need him to stimulate it right there to send me over the edge. How can I either get him to realize where it is or show him where it is without it being a big deal or embarrassing/awkward?
@nicoo: I just kinda took my bf’s hand 1 day when he was going down on me & told him that spot felt really good, after that he wouldn’t stop messing with it, hope that helps…
My bf really seems to enjoy it and I’ve heard lots of other guys say they do too, so don’t be self conscience, if you’re ready for it don’t worry.
Grab his finger and put it there.
trust me, He’ll enjoy that pointer VERY well.
Sometimes my boyfriend will have a hard time finding my clit(assumption). He’ll kinda go near it but i think hes trying to stimulate everywhere. I mean sometimes I kinda want him to just focus there. I’m not sure if he really knows where it is because even when he fingers me and tries rubbing my clit he’s not hitting it exactly. How can I help him get it without it being like a big deal or embarrassing or whatever?
How do I give my boyfriend to give me oral?? I give him oral all the time and he loves it, but he’s a really shy kind of guy, and I guess I am too. I don’t want to straight out ask him :/
So I really really really like this guy. I’m a senior in hs. We’ve only been together a little more than a week. Anyways I had never even had a kiss before this and I wasn’t expecting things to just sort of explode like this. I try hinting to him that Im not ready (I suggest other things) I told him it was too fast but then I took off my pants anyways later on. I mean I kind of felt pressured but not really. He would have been totally cool if I hadn’t its just that I kinda regret it and feel really selfish and embarrassed now. He totally wore himself out trying to please me and I really enjoyed it but nothing happened (I think he was sort of disappointed). Anyways he asked me for a bj afterward and I couldn’t do it I just said I didnt know how. the idea of it really freaks me out actually. I didn’t even know about oral sex until a couple years ago if that put things into perspective. He seemed like he was in pain and then after that I just sort of took him home and i felt like crying and I just kept saying I was sorry. I dont know if I’ll ever be ready. I can’t believe any of that even happened honestly. I dont know what to do. Also… do guys seriously not mind the smell, or hair, or discharge? cause Im really freaking out about that part right now too since he had his hand down there and stuff. Hes super nice and open and this past week has been amazing weve even talked about this stuff a little beforehand… I dont know if hes just totally preoccupied or if im the one whos being disrepectful by giving him the wrong idea… I’m pretty nervous so i don’t speak much about the subject minus me asking if hes a virgin (hes not) I did tell him he was my first kiss. its all he ever seems to wanna do… granted I can never come up with any ideas except hanging at my place. niether of us are very opinionated.
Okay, here’s my issue. I cant let him go down on me. I can go down on him and have fun with him but when it comes to him asking/starting to i always pull away or block… I trust this guy with my life, but I just dont know how to let him go… i hear it feels good but when i think about a mouth being down there it makes me nervous. I am not sure exactly how I am going to taste, smell, or look. He complements me about my body and says hes really excited to find out when I am actually going to let him. Should I let him?? Is it really all that?
Hey Steph,
While lots of girls love to have it done, the choice to try it obviously all yours. If you’re not comfortable with it yet, there’s really NO problem with waiting until you are! You have your whole life to try it out, so don’t feel like you need to rush. Your boyfriend will understand if you explain to him that you’re just not ready — you’ll know when you are!
-Ethan
For months, I was too self-conscious to let my boyfriend give me oral, but when I finally let him, I wondered why I hadn’t sooner! I’m still self-conscious about how I look/smell/taste, but he says he likes doing it and making me feel good, so I try to forget about my insecurities and just enjoy it.
Awesome! Sounds like you have a pretty cool and supportive boyfriend, too, which always helps.
Best of luck in your relationship,
Ethan
I’m curious. What does that tattoo say on her leg in the picture?
Hmm…not sure. I don’t pick the photos for Ask A Guy — I just answer the questions!
-Ethan
I’ve recently started a relationship with a guy I’ve dated twice before–he was my first boyfriend and thus far my only because I’ve never had feelings for anyone else though I’ve been asked out a lot from my other guy friends–and I really hope this third time is the charm since I’m sixteen and ready to be serious.
The thing is, I’d been hooking up with him for the 6 months before our relationship started, on and off again, and at one point he’d really hurt me to the point I cried in front of my mother–like BAWLED and I DO NOT cry.
Now I’m in a different country for three months and it’s been really difficult thus far.
My point of the story is that the week before I left for Europe, him and I were at my house and we were ‘having fun’ in my room when suddenly the clothes started coming off and before I knew it I was almost naked and my boyfriend was. This was the first time I’d revealed that much and oddly enough, I was 100% comfortable–something shy dorky me could have never imagined I’d be in that kind of situation but was happy to find myself confident enough to do(I still laugh that he was naked in my bed when I’ve never even been topless in his). I’d told my boyfriend that I wouldn’t go down on a guy until I was in a relationship, though there were a few times where I almost did on him but then felt very awkward and not ready. He was totally cool with this, though he didn’t mind bugging me and calling me a tease, which he technically had a right to. Still, I didn’t expect what happened next after I told him I just wasn’t ready for that…HE went down there on me! I was not ready for that, and at first try to pull away, but then decided against when, well, it felt good and he didn’t seem shy about it. In the end, my boyfriend was really happy about it…even a little smug, and I’ll have to admit, I wasn’t feeling half bad either haha.
Hey KC,
That’s great to hear–it sounds like you had a positive first experience with a guy you trusted.
I don’t love, however, the fact that he used to make you cry! Take the time while you’re in a different country to think about whether or not you want to be with this dude for the long haul — he might not be mature enough to handle your relationship at this point!
-Ethan
you have to really trust a person to do this and i heard guys like it because they think it tastes good (gross right) but it is also feels AMAZING! you just try it once if you like it do it more is you didnt (thats rare) then dont! easy peasy!
Yup, some guys are really, really into it!
Thanks for writing, Tori.
-Ethan
I think if you have a boyfriend/girlfriend who wants to have sex. If your not ready you need to tell them. If they still talk to you about it. Their not a good person to be in a realationshipwith. I would definately break up with them if it was my choice.
Yeah, I agree — if your partner won’t take a hint, or isn’t respecting your wishes, you might need to move on!
Thanks for writing, Faith.
-Ethan
doing oral is really amronl..nowadays its part having sex, its very very amronl..but it really depends on u if u want him to go down. if your not comfortable with it don’t do it..but u know what it feels really good..