From The Boards: Is It Okay For Your Boyfriend To Call Other Girls Hot?

Boyfriend Looks At Other Girls

Try not to stress this too much... | Source: Glamour



As much as a girl would love for her boyfriend to have eyes only for her, the reality is that no matter how devoted your man is, he still checks out other girls. It doesn’t matter if he says he doesn’t, or if he acts like he doesn’t notice that other women are pretty. Reality check: we ALL do it. It’s natural! There’s no harm in looking, as long as nothing else is happening.

But does that mean it’s okay for your boyfriend to voice his opinion out loud on that hot girl that just walked by? Just because he might see a really attractive girl, does that mean he has to actually tell you about it? We found this topic being discussed in the message boards, and we’re curious as to what you girls think. Are you cool with your boyfriend calling another girl hot or not? Read what these ladies think and then tell us your opinion.

Zombocalypse asked:
My bf always says stuff like “damn she’s got nice *bleep*, or she got a nice ass”. It just hurts me so much. He does this all the time. He says he loves me, but I’m kind of starting to not believe him. And I feel that he’s more into making out. He says he’s never loved anyone before me. But… It just hurts. Is this normal?

Boyfriend Checking Out Other Girls

He's going to look no matter what you say | Source: Glamour

Squiggles! said:
Total jerk! He’s in a relationship with YOU, not the girls he sees or remembers. He shouldn’t be commenting about them. Of course he’s young though, and most guys today believe the whole “look but don’t touch” saying, which is pathetic. He’s trying to give himself an excuse to say, “I’m a guy, it’s normal”. Sure, it may be normal for him to look, but he should have respect for you to keep it to himself.

whitnei92 said:
It’s normal for him to act that way. He’s still immature, but moreover he’s just being a typical guy. At his age that’s all he can probably think about. I wouldn’t take any offense to it, girl. To get back at him, you should do some of the things he does and make some of the same comments. I used to do that to my ex boyfriend. It usually made both of us laugh. Definitely don’t take it personal.

Our opinion? Like we said before, being attracted to other people (even when you’re in a committed relationship!) is totally normal. And hearing your guy comment about another girl’s looks once in a while shouldn’t drive you crazy. But if he’s doing it constantly and it’s really upsetting you? Not too cool.

Say something if you’re super uncomfortable with the situation. But don’t get really jealous over him thinking another girl is pretty. He loves you and he’s with you, and if he didn’t want to be, he wouldn’t be. Think about the last time you thought another dude was hot. Did that mean you wanted to leave your BF for him? Probably not.

Who do you agree with? Do you care if your sweetie calls other people hot? Tell us in the comments.

 

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Posted in: Boards, Discuss, Health, Sex & Relationships, Hooking Up, Love Advice, Love&Sex, Relationships
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64 Comments

  1. avatar LostInLove says:

    Hi,
    I am stuck in a very very similar situation as this. My bf constantly checks out girls from his work on Facebook. Work where he is not even working any more. He keeps on reconnecting with his childhood (girl) friends on Facebook and says he is just curious as to what these people have grown into or how they have developed in life. He says he doesn’t check them out but just looks through their profile out of curiosity (Which indeed is checking out!). We have been together for 2 years now and a lot in my life had been sacrificed to make this relationship work. He also loves me a lot but I am at the urge of breaking up at the moment because of all the constant insecurities I have been facing. Yes I trust him enough that he will not cheat on me. But is cheating on someone the only reason why one can get hurt. I believe cheating on someone is hurting their trust physically, while looking at other girls or checking them out is hurting their trust too, only emotionally.

    Just because there is no physical contact or breaking of any rules, does it mean it is okay for him to look at other girls when he knows it constantly bothers me? I feel that I have made him go through a lot of changes (and so has he done to me) to make this relationship work but at this point I feel like I am changing the person’s entire character, because he finds it normal to look at other opposite gender while being in a committed relationship and I don’t.

    Isn’t it more important to understand your significant other’s needs and limits than following your own beliefs? I am a sort of girl who normally DOES NOT EVER check out other guys, even accidentally. It seems like a sin to me and he is my first love too. I have been as pure as anyone can ever be towards my feelings for him but am I wrong in expecting the same in return?

    PS: He is willing to delete his entire Facebook account to make it work but I feel like I am pushing him too far to change and that he will one day feels too bound together or forced into stuff. Breaking up seems like the only fair solution at the moment. Please help :(

    I love him too much to let go and it is equally hurtful to be with him this way…
    Neither of us actually want to break up but I am too hurt to keep it going this way :’(

  2. avatar angel x says:

    But what do you do when things like that gets to you and when it starts to affect your self-esteem and your confidence..I have been with my guy for two years now and it gets difficult at this stage to think positive everyday. I have become so insecure lately and before this i use to confident and didnt let things like that affect me. The battle with your mind gets difficult over time. I just dont understand why i dont have the need to check out other guys but hes always constantly looking around searching 24/7 for a eyecandy. Im so sick of it..and today i actually dumped him. I wanted to get my life back and myself back. Being with him, just meant going through insecurities and constant battles. I feel so much better now that he is out of my life and i feel like i can actually start doing things for me.

    • avatar Amanda says:

      I appreciate your comment angel x. I feel this way too. And I’ve been with my guy for what feels almost 3 to 4 years now. I need to have the courage to just move on without him and see how much better I be.

  3. avatar reckless1123 says:

    I care deeply. It hurts me when he calls other girls hot and say inappropriate stuff about other girls. Even if he keeps saying he loves me i feel like he wants something more in a girl. It’s like i’m not perfect for him, that I don’t have everything he’s ever wanted in a girl. I never really tell him because i dont know how he will react, if he’s going to be understanding or not. But i guess i have to adjust and remind myself that he is crazy inlove with me and just because he thinks other girls are sexy, which i understand he will, that it doesn’t mean he prefers those girls than me

  4. avatar Tori.gurl says:

    oh nu uh boys you can keeps thouse thoughts to YOURSELF first off never say that to/near your gURLfriend for 2 reasond 1) if they are like me they’ll feel bad then get mad (or more violent sorta like my will slap ur sholder/face) 2) do WANT to make her feel bad and lower her selfesteem?!?!? so these guys need to step up and shut their mouths about this

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  6. avatar Angella64 says:

    Of course NOT. If he truly loves you he wouldn’t watch other girls and tell them that they are hot. If he does that dump him.

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  9. avatar naomi19 says:

    i’ve had a boyfriend for a practically a year now. the only people we really comment on is celebrities or people in music videos when they appear on tv! if we’re out shopping, i’m sure i see him glancing, and he probably see’s me too. but we never share our opinions about other men/women round town.. its not necessary. but yes, its true. everyone looks! You probably look at other men without realising you do! everyone is beautiful, but some people are just lucky to be naturally attractive. I know myself, that there is plenty of people on this planet that are better looking than i am, but my boyfriend thinks i’m beautiful, and i’m okay with that. don’t worry about it, theres more to love than the looks, you’re not only beautiful on the outside, but he thinks you’re beautiful on the inside too, which is why he’s never loved anybody before until he met you! i hope this helped!

  10. avatar Maria says:

    Well, thanks to all, but the good news is he said he’d stop and he did. I guess the problem solution in this case was to just talk to him about it :)

  11. avatar JoJoPooh says:

    If boys can call other girls hot while they’re “in a relationship” with you then we should be able to call other boys fine without them getting mad or angry. Its only fair (;

  12. avatar Zombocalypse says:

    And thanks to everyone–regular gurls and gurl moderators– for putting me at ease and for all your support! I just can’t believe I’m on one of the big pages EEEEE!

  13. avatar Zombocalypse says:

    OH MY GOD THAT’S MY COMMENT! AHHHHHHH :D!!!!!

  14. avatar Beca says:

    Funny i should stumble upon this today, because just a few hours ago i got upset about this same issue. My boyfriend and I were watching a movie and he said “babe, that girl is hella hot.” my reaction? I let it go. Then a couple minutes later he says it again. He has said these comments before, but today it did upset me because i felt like he crossed the line. There is no need to make me feel bad just for the kicks. I deserve to be with a guy that respects me enough to know better than to let me know that another girl has his attention like that.

  15. avatar Lisa says:

    No, it’s not ok! It sounds like some childish game of his where he’s trying to make his gf jealous. “Boys will be boys,” is not a valid excuse for this.

  16. avatar Ashley says:

    “You can look but you can’t touch” It makes me jealous, but if it’s not 24/7 what’s it matter? I can tell him other guys are hot too.

  17. avatar Yvonne says:

    I seriously don’t think a dude should be looking anywhere else if he’s in a committed relationship. If he keeps looking elsewhere, it means he’s missing something. It doesn’t matter how much he says he loves a girl. His body language is important, too. Or it also means he’s only interested in looks, in which case, I wouldn’t want a shallow guy to be around me. A relationship shouldn’t always be about physical attributes. “being a guy” is not an excuse to hurt your current girlfriend. Celebrity crushes are different though.

  18. avatar fruitypebbles says:

    well it depends on how he says it. but you cant keep him locked up for ever.if he gets TOOOOOO into her then tellhim he needs to cool down a bit.

  19. avatar Sabrina says:

    I think it depends, if your boyfriend is CONSTANTLY doing it, then there might be a problem..but every now and again shouldn’t be a big deal.

  20. avatar Kelli says:

    While sometimes it’s the wrong moment to do it, other times it really isn’t that big of a deal. We both do it randomly. I think we’re okay with it because we not only love each other, but trust each other as well. I think that’s a big part of why we aren’t hurt by it. Trust is huge, and if you can’t trust your significant other then there is a problem.

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