Friends With Benefits
I was in a relationship with my ex for a year and two months, but we broke up a few weeks ago. I want to get back with him, but he only wants to be friends with benefits… Is that a good idea?
The short answer, in my honest opinion, is this: absolutely not. No, no, no. Getting into a friends with benefits relationship with anyone rarely works out, and becoming FWB with your ex, especially so soon after your breakup, is almost destined to end in heartbreak. Here’s why:
Have you ever heard the expression ‘why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free’? That might sound blunt and a little harsh, but in most cases, it also ends up being very true. It sounds like your ultimate motive here is to get your ex to be in a real relationship with you again. And it sounds like his ultimate motive is to hook up. By agreeing to be FWB with him with no strings attached, you’re giving him exactly what he wants: casual hookups AND complete freedom. He’s getting the best of both worlds, and why would he want to change that?
I know it’s hard to hear that, because I know you want to believe that spending time with you again will make him realize he misses you. And while it’s possible, it probably isn’t going to happen. You guys broke up for a reason, and maybe that reason is that you’re not supposed to be together right now. If your ex did want to get back together with you, he would say that. He wouldn’t be asking to be friends with benefits. Guys don’t normally beat around the bush when it comes to their feelings.
The major concern here is how you’re going to end up feeling. You might think you’re okay with casual encounters with your ex, but since you obviously still have feelings for him, it’s only going to hurt you. He won’t be able to give you what you want, and you’ll be compromising yourself for him – that doesn’t sound very fair to you at all, if you ask me.
After a breakup, the best thing to do is to take some time completely apart in order to move on. Hooking up with him randomly is definitely not the way to get over him. I’m not saying you have to fight with this dude, but keep your distance for a little while. If he really, truly misses you, he’ll try to get you back. In the meantime, focus on yourself and what you really deserve.
What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at firstname.lastname@example.org
Friends With Benefits