7 Funny (But True!) Valentine Quotes To Never Say Out Loud

funny valentine quotes

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Ah Valentine’s Day. The one time a year when getting a gift from your dude flips from “So thoughtful!” to “Absolutely required.” But boys aren’t the only ones to whom we give and receive. Check out our doublespeak when it comes to Cupid’s favorite holiday!

But be warned, although these funny Valentine quotes are 100 percent heartfelt, you could end up in the dog house if you let one slip past your lips!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

For your BFF:

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She said: Look, I made us friendship bracelets!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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She meant: Please don’t ever get a boyfriend and abandon me. I WILL find you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

From Mom:

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She said: Mommmmm, I’m too old to give out Valentine’s at school DUH.

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She meant: But I still expect a bounty of candy from you, per usual, on February 14th.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The School Candy Gram That Never Arrived:

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She said: Oh, who cares! Jake probably has some big surprised planned after school! I mean, who really needs some lame box of Sweethearts?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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She meant: MURDER DEATH KILL MURDER DEATH KILL!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If He’s Only a Crush:

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She said: I mean, no big deal, I just saw this Crosby puck and got it for you ‘cause I know you like him or whatever.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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She meant: I ditched Chemistry to sit and bid on this on eBay. Because I’m in love with you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If He’s Your Boyfriend:

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She said: I reeeeaaaally hope you like what I got you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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She meant: Because if you don’t, you can forget about ever having physical contact with me again. EVER.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When Your Boyfriend Gives You His Gift:

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She said: Wow did you…paint this? For me?? Aww babe it’s so…unique!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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She meant: Well. This wasn’t exactly the Tiffany’s bracelet I had imagined but I guess it has it’s own charm…sigh.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When You’re Single:

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She said: Oh my necklace? Yeah, it was my V-day gift to myself. Pfft, who needs a boyfriend to pick out something heinous when I can just get myself what I actually like!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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She meant: And apparently, what I “like” is sitting home on Feb. 14, eating an entire tube of cookie dough and crying. But, in a cute necklace.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
What’s the funniest thing anyone’s ever said to you on Valentine’s Day? Tell us in the comments!


Need A Reason To Smile This V-Day? Look No Further!


Posted in: For Laughs, News & Reviews
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  • Ally

    LOL @ forever alone day! I don’t like Valentines day, really. Girls get competitive, expectations too high, I am so ashamed to be a girl b/c apparently if you are one and you don’t have someone to share V day with, “You be crazy!” …..-_- *Forever alone*

  • Warrior Missy

    ok im single and im not miserable about not having a boy friend cause every boy i know gave me something sweet and single rocks 😀

  • Lisa

    Ugh I hate how people think that if you’re single then you’re miserable. Be your own person for a while.

  • Sara

    Haha! When I said that I hope my boyfriend likes his gift, I really do hope he does! I will still kiss him like crazy if he doesn’t like it!