How Can I Get Over My Trust Issues And Start Trusting Guys?

Learning To Trust

How do you know when to take that step? | Source: TalesOfATaiTai


Hi Heather,

I have severe trust issues. Honestly, I haven’t even been in many relationships, but I’ve just witnessed growing up how my father and mother were in their relationship (he cheated), so I caught on and so forth. I want love and affection from a guy that cares about me. But I don’t trust them. I believe that all guys will cheat on me. I mean, do you actually think that there are some guys out there who doesn’t cheat? At all? Because I don’t. I just want to cry when I think about a guy cheating on me. That’s why I never give them a chance. I just don’t want to waste my time. Are there any good guys out there?? Help please.

Yes, there are guys out there who you can trust. I know it doesn’t seem that way right now, and I understand where you’re coming from, but you can’t make generalizations of an entire gender based on the actions of a few guys. Trust issues really stink, no doubt about it. Being seriously betrayed someone can be extremely hard to get over, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t possible.

Yup, pretty much | Source: Facebook.com

I’m sorry that your parents seem to have had a rocky relationship. Watching two people you love, especially your family members, go through a rough patch is really tough. I understand how it can make you feel like no one can be trusted. But the fact is, not every guy is like your dad – not every guy is going to cheat on their girlfriend or their wife. It’s easy to believe otherwise, thanks to high-profile celebrity scandals and going through real-life dramas like you did. But it’s really important for you to realize that not every guy is going to go behind your back and break your trust.

That being said, it’s true that a lot of relationships end in heartbreak, and the possibility of a guy cheating on you and betraying you will always be there. Probably the toughest thing about going into a relationship is being put in a vulnerable position. But the thing is, if you never try, you’ll never know. If you never attempt to give anyone a chance, you’re only going to hurt yourself right from the beginning.

Like I said, trust issues are hard to get over, so take things slow. When you find a guy you like, be honest and open about your feelings. You don’t need to (and you shouldn’t) go into a relationship trusting someone completely – people, especially boyfriends, should have to earn your trust. Listen, I can’t promise that no guy will ever betray you, but I can say that every single guy isn’t going to betray you. The best thing you can do is take thing slow and give it time. Don’t go into something convinced he’ll cheat, but do be a little wary and keep your guard halfway up until you feel comfortable. Just make sure you give a few lucky boys a chance with you!

take care,
heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

 

 

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Posted in: Dating, Help Me Heather, Sex, Sucky Emotions
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  • nikowel

    I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years, but all of a sudden I just feel as though he’s doing something behind my back, he has never done something which would make me feel this way and I don’t know why I think this as he is so open with me, I have major trust issues due to previous relationships, but I have never felt this way about someone, he literally is the love of my life and I don’t want to loose him over trust! We have had so many ups and downs and I can tell he’s getting sick of it as most of the arguments we have are over me not trusting him, I really need advice as to how I can handle these issues and how to save my relationship. We have had a talk about it and he said I need help, I am so scared to lose him.

    • Ali

      If you have a gut feeling something is going on– believe yourself. I was in basically the same scenario a few years ago. I just KNEW something was going on, and yet I told myself it wasn’t… he told me it wasn’t true and got mad at me for accusing and questioning him. Well, turned out he had been cheating on me for the past 4 months. I was right, I had been driving myself crazy over it and literally feeling like I was crazy… but then it turned out I was right. From then on I knew never to dismiss what my gut feeling is telling me. It sounds so cliche, but there’s a reason you’re having the feeling you do.

  • itza

    hi i have been in a relationship for five years with my highschool sweetheart i have two kids with him only man i ever i had in my life three years in we got engaged and the follow year it went down hill he cheated he told me himself he did and then he said it was on time then it continued to be completely honest it was hell you know having kids and going through this he later regreted everything he did and we are working things out but in the back of my head i think can i trust this man again he was my best friend my everything and now i have all my guard up reguardless that he is always around im afraid to let the trust bond we had once before enter our lives because yes it hurt and he is working really hard to make it up how i know when is the right time to let all walls down and trust again completely because i love him and i know what we have is very special and i would like to be like we use to just better .

  • calandra

    I need to get some kind of help it seems like I can not have trust for people I try to be with and it is starting to bother me I feel like I need to be able to trust the person that I am in love with but I cant seem to I think I need some type of therapy or maybe find some kind of tea that I can drink to relax me and calm me down it seems like my brain goes 100 miles per hour and I think negative all the time and sometimes the worse and then I end up single and lonely with no one to talk to I even did this with one of my friends and we wasn’t even dating so what the hell is my problem I need some kind of help and try to make myself not jump to conclusions all the time I can’t keep living like this and pushing people away and jump to conclusions and keep making people pissed at me all the time I need to get a clue and get a grip on it wish I had some kind of advise.

  • Ursula

    watching my parents go through a extraordinarily messy divorce, ultimately unveiling my fathers multiple girlfriends and his,declaration of no longer wanting his wife (my mother) or his family has truly effected my confidence in the trust and characters of the entire male population….. it has in these past 4 months hugely impacted my dating life and the actual way i interact with men, i see men men and cant help but have an overwhelming fear of them disrespecting me and using me, as well as animosity towards them like i have towards my father.

  • Erica

    im glad this was posted! i totally know how you feel girl! it’s taken me 3 years to say i love you to my bffs and mean it!

  • kimberleejean

    I agree. trust issues do suck, but ” don’t let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game” . hope you find someone who treats you right ,

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