I Like Someone Who’s A Different Race – But My Family Doesn’t Approve

Interracial Dating

When it comes to love, the color of someone's skin shouldn't matter.


Dear Heather,

I really like this one guy, but he’s black and my family, especially my dad, is racist. They don’t think that black and white should mix. But I have feelings for this dude! What should I do? I don’t want to hurt my family, but at the same time I want to be happy with the person I like.

Ugh. I’m sorry you’re in this situation! Feeling like you have to choose between the guy you like and your family is bad enough as it is, but throw in something like an issue on interracial dating, and everything becomes that much more difficult. I’m so glad that you’re able to see past the color of someone’s skin and like them for who they are as a person. I wish I could tell you that it’s totally possible to change how your family feels, but unfortunately, it’s not going to be that easy.

We can't even deal with how cute Heidi and Seal used to be.

How much do you really like this guy? Is he worth potentially having an argument with your family over? If so, then it’s time for you to sit down and have a little chat with your parents. I’m not saying that you have to get their approval before you start dating this guy, but in order to at least attempt to keep the peace, you should discuss this with them first. Just be straight up with them and tell them that you really have strong feelings for someone of a different race. Let them know that this guy makes you happy and that you don’t share the same views as them. Try to be as calm and mature as possible here, even if they freak.

The main thing here is that you really have to follow your heart. If being with this guy is what will make you happy, then you need to be with him even though your family doesn’t approve. You can’t make your decisions based on how other people feel, even when those other people are your parents. Just because your family might not agree with interracial dating doesn’t mean you have to feel the same way.

Listen, I’m not saying you should go out there and start World War 3 with your family. It would be really great if you managed to get their approval and have them accept your relationship. I’m saying that it’s important for you to like who you like regardless of how your family feels about it.

If you start dating this guy, take things really slow. Let your family get used to what you’re doing. And if they flip and do something really extreme? It’s up to you to make that choice between the guy you like and your family.

take care,
heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

 


Posted in: Help Me Heather, Love Advice, Love&Sex, Your Life
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35 Comments

  1. avatar Ashley says:

    I have this same problem except I’m Asian and he’s white. I love him so much we have been a secret for 2 years but my family is so strict and really racist. Wants me dating someone very specific that they chose and found out about him recently and now they won’t let me see or talk to him or let me leave the house I don’t know what to do. We love each other and had planned to live together after we graduate and try our hardest to see each other but its really hard.

  2. avatar Eve says:

    Well… I’m black and my dad is IMMENSELY against interracial dating. Small plot twist. I’ve been dating a white guy for the past three months, and his head nearly exploded, he told me I was degrading our race and called me a traitor… then my mom slapped him for being stupid. Moral of the story is don’t listen to what your family says about dating, sometimes they’re just damn idiots.

  3. avatar kate says:

    Dating a mexican boy who is the sweetest! But my mom is racist. She has no clue we are dating. And i just want to be happy with him! But i dont want my family to keep us apart. Im sort of the odd one out in the family. They dont like that. So im afraid theyre gunna be drastic about it. I really like him . And it makes me so angry to think my mom wouldn’t accept us. I am sure his family would. They are mixed too. Black an mexican. i just need thoughts, comments and advice please!!!

  4. avatar Lizzie says:

    Okay so I’m white and the guy I like is Puerto Rican. We have been talking at school a lot and we both like each other. This weekend he watched me dance at this festival. It was super cute:) but anyway afterward we were talking and he gave me a hug & a kiss on the check my parents saw the whole thing:/ now they are mad at me because he is Puerto Rican they even said to me they would of been fine with it if the guy was white..

  5. avatar princess says:

    So I don’t know what to do. I like this mixed guy…but he’s my best friend. I don’t think he knows I like him. My mom is starting to find out I like him (but I deny it when she asks)…..she tells me white people dating black people is wrong. I disagree to that….I can’t believe my mom says that! My dad is the same way. The mixed guy I like is not a thug! He’s nice, respectful and friendly. He is half white and half black. He just got a gf last week, but he’s closer to me than her. I think he might like me a little. What should I do about my parents not liking him for his race? What should I do about his gf? Should I tell him I like him? Help!!

  6. avatar nicole says:

    My problem is a little different… I like this black guy and he’s my fathers friend. He’s my age but my dad doesn’t want me dating black guys and I can’t even go over to his house and the guy saved my life one time so I’m in a pickle!

  7. avatar Angel says:

    I hope this anecdote helps: a friend of mine is a Caucasian male and he met a woman who is Carribbean. His family were racists, but his father was more blatantly racist. He tried to smooth things over with his parents. His mother finally relented, but only after learning he intended to marry this woman. No one in his family came to his wedding. He’s been married to this woman for more than 15 years and still loves her. The moral of the story is you can’t live your life for someone else, you must love and let love rule no matter the race of the object of your affection.

  8. avatar Brodie says:

    Yes! I really like a mixed boy and I’m white and my brother is totally racist! I’m scared to tell my mom I like him.. But I don’t know

    • avatar cara says:

      If your close with your mom go head and tell her and if they say no you should still follow your heart

  9. avatar Jessy says:

    OMG. I have like the same problem. I like this guy Justin, hes native american (but he really looks black) and mexican mixed. My parents (they are mexican) dont know i have to hide it. But my parents almost found out and they think hes black. They think im too young to date (im 15) and in general they hate a lot of guys especially blacks. I have to hide it from them because im not allowed to date and they would hate him. But it’s cool i guess because we’re in this long distance relationship. (long story) We’ve been together for 6 months and im really happy with him.

  10. avatar idil says:

    actually i think judging people based on their skins is wrong.And i think some black guys are TOTALLY HOT.Im in love with usher and chris brown too woohhooo

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