I Like Someone Who’s A Different Race – But My Family Doesn’t Approve

Interracial Dating

When it comes to love, the color of someone's skin shouldn't matter.

Dear Heather,

I really like this one guy, but he’s black and my family, especially my dad, is racist. They don’t think that black and white should mix. But I have feelings for this dude! What should I do? I don’t want to hurt my family, but at the same time I want to be happy with the person I like.

Ugh. I’m sorry you’re in this situation! Feeling like you have to choose between the guy you like and your family is bad enough as it is, but throw in something like an issue on interracial dating, and everything becomes that much more difficult. I’m so glad that you’re able to see past the color of someone’s skin and like them for who they are as a person. I wish I could tell you that it’s totally possible to change how your family feels, but unfortunately, it’s not going to be that easy.

We can't even deal with how cute Heidi and Seal used to be.

How much do you really like this guy? Is he worth potentially having an argument with your family over? If so, then it’s time for you to sit down and have a little chat with your parents. I’m not saying that you have to get their approval before you start dating this guy, but in order to at least attempt to keep the peace, you should discuss this with them first. Just be straight up with them and tell them that you really have strong feelings for someone of a different race. Let them know that this guy makes you happy and that you don’t share the same views as them. Try to be as calm and mature as possible here, even if they freak.

The main thing here is that you really have to follow your heart. If being with this guy is what will make you happy, then you need to be with him even though your family doesn’t approve. You can’t make your decisions based on how other people feel, even when those other people are your parents. Just because your family might not agree with interracial dating doesn’t mean you have to feel the same way.

Listen, I’m not saying you should go out there and start World War 3 with your family. It would be really great if you managed to get their approval and have them accept your relationship. I’m saying that it’s important for you to like who you like regardless of how your family feels about it.

If you start dating this guy, take things really slow. Let your family get used to what you’re doing. And if they flip and do something really extreme? It’s up to you to make that choice between the guy you like and your family.

take care,

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com


Posted in: Help Me Heather, Love Advice, Love&Sex, Your Life
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  • Pamperedpups yey

    Ok i’m kinda nervous

    i am a 15yr old girl and I like black people but my parents absolutely despise them they want them off the face of the earth I want to date a black guy but i feel my family may disown me they are always saying how much they
    hate blacks, there was a young black child on TV who committed suicide because of racism and my parents said “good”
    but i like black people i don’t feel like i can talk to them about it as I am pretty much an outcast in my family and I disagree with most of my families opinions
    please someone help what should i do??? i don’t want them to make a massive deal about this

  • monica

    i have the same problem my parents dont let me date a black guy especially my dad .mom said as long as he treat me rite but idc (i am hispanic) and i recently dated a black guy but had to break up with him because my parents found out i dated him. i got my phone taken and my ass whoop frfr I dont understand why they against black guys i mean its my decision right? im dating a black guy right now and i love it . i dont like dating Hispanics it just the way i am . i just dont get it ? so far they havent gave me my phone back its been 7 months and no freedom at all its HORRIBLE and im 15yrs it crazy…

    • Roger

      You like dating blacks because you know your parents dont like it

  • Abigaile

    I liked a mixed boy and he likes me too. I’ve told my dad and he didn’t take it well and seemed to hate me but I know that he doesn’t. I haven’t told my mom and I don’t know how she well take it, but hopefully she we’ll be OK with it, even if she don’t take it well I’m still going to date him because we both really like each other.

  • Chloe

    I like a boy and he is half white and black, we went out for about 3 months and throughout that time I used to get grief of my family and my dad’s friends it was horrible. I still like him and I’m confused (he doesn’t know) we went out twice but the second time was just as bad I miss him a lot but if you go out with another rase don’t tell your parents until your out of their care and house 🙂

  • Lola

    I’m black and white but I like someone who is Asian :I My family thinks it doesn’t work and that we should break up because it’ll end up happening anyways. I don’t know… Maybe there right? Maybe the culture difference really is just too large 🙁 Plus, it makes no sense that they don’t want me to date someone out of the race when I myself am a product of interracial dating. I’m so confused… He’s Korean and their mother doesn’t approve of it. I think it just should end. But I really do like him 🙁

  • Ashley

    I have this same problem except I’m Asian and he’s white. I love him so much we have been a secret for 2 years but my family is so strict and really racist. Wants me dating someone very specific that they chose and found out about him recently and now they won’t let me see or talk to him or let me leave the house I don’t know what to do. We love each other and had planned to live together after we graduate and try our hardest to see each other but its really hard.

  • Eve

    Well… I’m black and my dad is IMMENSELY against interracial dating. Small plot twist. I’ve been dating a white guy for the past three months, and his head nearly exploded, he told me I was degrading our race and called me a traitor… then my mom slapped him for being stupid. Moral of the story is don’t listen to what your family says about dating, sometimes they’re just damn idiots.

  • kate

    Dating a mexican boy who is the sweetest! But my mom is racist. She has no clue we are dating. And i just want to be happy with him! But i dont want my family to keep us apart. Im sort of the odd one out in the family. They dont like that. So im afraid theyre gunna be drastic about it. I really like him . And it makes me so angry to think my mom wouldn’t accept us. I am sure his family would. They are mixed too. Black an mexican. i just need thoughts, comments and advice please!!!

  • Lizzie

    Okay so I’m white and the guy I like is Puerto Rican. We have been talking at school a lot and we both like each other. This weekend he watched me dance at this festival. It was super cute:) but anyway afterward we were talking and he gave me a hug & a kiss on the check my parents saw the whole thing:/ now they are mad at me because he is Puerto Rican they even said to me they would of been fine with it if the guy was white..

  • princess

    So I don’t know what to do. I like this mixed guy…but he’s my best friend. I don’t think he knows I like him. My mom is starting to find out I like him (but I deny it when she asks)…..she tells me white people dating black people is wrong. I disagree to that….I can’t believe my mom says that! My dad is the same way. The mixed guy I like is not a thug! He’s nice, respectful and friendly. He is half white and half black. He just got a gf last week, but he’s closer to me than her. I think he might like me a little. What should I do about my parents not liking him for his race? What should I do about his gf? Should I tell him I like him? Help!!

  • nicole

    My problem is a little different… I like this black guy and he’s my fathers friend. He’s my age but my dad doesn’t want me dating black guys and I can’t even go over to his house and the guy saved my life one time so I’m in a pickle!

  • Angel

    I hope this anecdote helps: a friend of mine is a Caucasian male and he met a woman who is Carribbean. His family were racists, but his father was more blatantly racist. He tried to smooth things over with his parents. His mother finally relented, but only after learning he intended to marry this woman. No one in his family came to his wedding. He’s been married to this woman for more than 15 years and still loves her. The moral of the story is you can’t live your life for someone else, you must love and let love rule no matter the race of the object of your affection.

  • Brodie

    Yes! I really like a mixed boy and I’m white and my brother is totally racist! I’m scared to tell my mom I like him.. But I don’t know

    • cara

      If your close with your mom go head and tell her and if they say no you should still follow your heart

  • Jessy

    OMG. I have like the same problem. I like this guy Justin, hes native american (but he really looks black) and mexican mixed. My parents (they are mexican) dont know i have to hide it. But my parents almost found out and they think hes black. They think im too young to date (im 15) and in general they hate a lot of guys especially blacks. I have to hide it from them because im not allowed to date and they would hate him. But it’s cool i guess because we’re in this long distance relationship. (long story) We’ve been together for 6 months and im really happy with him.

  • idil

    actually i think judging people based on their skins is wrong.And i think some black guys are TOTALLY HOT.Im in love with usher and chris brown too woohhooo