How Do I Tell My Ex-Boyfriend That I’m Gay?

Telling People You Are Gay

Pretty sure Brittany from Glee can relate to this...


Hey Heather,

I am sixteen years old, and I had been dating one guy for over a year. We split three months ago, on decent terms, and recently, I’ve started dating one of my best (female) friends. As far as my ex is concerned, I’m straight. We still talk every so often, and he sometimes asks if I’m seeing anyone. I wonder if I should tell him about my girlfriend? I don’t want him to feel bad, or like he’s “turned me gay” or something along those lines. What should I do?

I totally understand why you feel a little odd explaining to your ex-boyfriend that, uh, you’re kind of not that into boys anymore. While this might be a totally awkward conversation for you two, it’s one that you should definitely have. I think it’s so great that you and your ex are on good terms, but if you want to stay on those good terms, being honest with him about something like this is completely necessary.

Imagine how he would feel if he heard you were dating a girl through someone else. He would probably feel confused, upset and totally annoyed that you didn’t tell him yourself. Basically, him hearing about this from anyone but you is going to make this a much more difficult situation.

If he's a good friend, he'll be happy for you.

So, call up your ex and tell him you need to talk to him. If you feel really uncomfortable talking to him face-to-face or even on the phone, feel free to write him a letter explaining everything – that might be the best way to get your feelings out. But no matter how you do it, just be honest. Explain that your sexual preferences have changed and you’re now dating a girl. Let him know that it has nothing to do with him, how he treated you or what kind of boyfriend he was. You don’t have to go into detail of how you and your GF ended up together if you don’t want to; just finish the convo by telling him you’re really happy now and you hope that you two can keep up your friendship.

Honestly, even after you’ve explained everything, there’s a possibility that your ex might still feel like he had something to do with you becoming gay. If he does, try not to stress about it. One day he’ll realize that it really did have nothing to do with him. The important thing here is that you’re happy with your lifestyle, not that other people are okay with it.

take care,
heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

 

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Posted in: Help Me Heather, Love Advice, Love&Sex, Your Life
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  • jasmyn

    i know im suppose to leave a comment here but i really need to ask you a serious question. PLEASE HELP ME!