i have big hips
I am not exaggerating at all when I say that skydiving is nowhere near as terrifying as this was.
The dress was cute. It fit over my boobs, which can sometimes pose their own set of problems, and it was nicely fitted on my waist, which is disproportionately small compared to the rest of me. However, slightly south of there, it got stuck. This brought back a wash of not necessarily painful, but just really annoying memories.
When I was about 14, I got hips. It’s not like I gained a huge amount of weight – though I do tend to carry it there – it was legitimate bone. They stuck out and they looked even bigger than they were because, as previously noted, my waist is inexplicably small for someone whose diet makes Paula Deen’s look healthy.At first they only bothered me because buying jeans became an issue. On top of my weird proportions, I’m also what some call vertically-challenged (or just plain short!). In addition to hemming the bottoms so I wouldn’t trip over them, I was also forced to either take in or belt everything at the waist.
Then the comments started. Since we’re in a polite forum, I will refrain from reprinting them here, save to say that the general consensus of my family, friends, and creeps shouting from their cars indicated that I’m pretty obviously fertile. It’s pretty awkward to have people ask, “Why don’t you put those to use?” and “Those babies’ll pop right out!” when you’re still struggling with pre-algebra.However, after seeing some classic old Hollywood films, I grew to appreciate them. Marilyn Monroe, Sophia Loren, Elizabeth Taylor, Raquel Welch—they all had hips, and they’re considered beacons of classical, timeless beauty. There are worse things to be compared to. (Like purple blobby Grimace, or a cave troll, for instance.)
When I’m not bumping into things (really, those countertops need to stop jumping out at me), they can look pretty awesome and distinctly feminine. I’ve embraced belted waists, A-line skirts, and jeans with a hint of stretch to enhance an hourglass silhouette. I’ve also stopped trying on dresses that require a switchblade to remove.
Now, the same feature I used to dread dealing with has becoming a hallmark of my own hotness. Hip, hip hooray indeed.
Oh, and that dress? I managed to get it off without ripping it and did not add it to my collection.
Do you have wide hips? What’s the most annoying body issue you deal with? Tell me in the comments!