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Just ask him! | Source
Dear Ethan: My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year now and I feel like I’m ready to take our relationship to the next level (sex). I’m a virgin but my boyfriend has been with more than a few girls. One of them he didn’t use a condom with. He’s never had a problem with waiting on me or never pressured me in any kind of way because he wanted me to feel like I was completely ready to have sex with him. I love him a lot but my only problem is that I keep thinking about the girls he’s been with previously and before I have sex with him, I want to know the nicest possible way I can ask him to get tested. Am I being paranoid? I’m 18 and hes 21 by the way.
You’re not being paranoid – you’re being responsible! Plus, taking precautions for your first time will get you into the good habit of being safe in the future. Even if he’s totally healthy (which he very well may be), merely assuming he is will make it that much easier to be lax about sex with future partners (“My last boyfriend slept with plenty of girls, and I’m totally fine – who needs checkups?”). In other words, it’s much more difficult to take safe sex as seriously after setting a lenient pattern.
Even if he's clean, use a condom to protect against pregnancy.
As for how to ask him to get tested, refer to the national motto of The United States of Relationship: “Communication and Honesty Above All.” Explain how much you love him and that while you’re sure he’s fine, you’d like both of you to be certain. If he’s as experienced (and therefore, mature) as you say he is, he should have no problem understanding. Any guy who refuses to get tested for the first time after sleeping with multiple partners either has something to hide, or simply isn’t respecting your very warranted apprehension. But the fact that he’s been so supportive and pressure-free in the past leads me to suspect he’ll totally be receptive.
Keep in mind that some STDs are transmitted in other ways than traditional sex, so you can offer to get tested, too, in order to take some of the pressure off of your boyfriend. Your first time, you already have enough to think about (e.g. what music to play; how to “sexile” your roommate; where to put your arms) without needing to deal with the fear of STDs. If you get tested together, you can then both enjoy sex without any fears or worry – and first time or fortieth, that’s the best sex to have.
Good luck!
Ethan
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Just tell him, “I want sex get tested.” he will.
Ha, fair enough. I guess in general, guys will make plenty of concessions for sex…
Thanks for writing,
Ethan
And there I was thinking I was the only person who likes my partner to flail wildly during sex! At least I know I’m not alone any more!
Glad I could lend some reassurance, James.
-Ethan
Thanks for the advice Ethan
I still haven’t asked him yet but I will definitely be asking him to before we take that step. And I love the suggestion to get tested with him I think that would make it a lot more comfortable for the both of us. Oh and btw thanks for putting in my head the part about where to place your arms haha I never thought about that before lol…you’re right, another thing for me to worry about lol just playing. But thanks again! 
Ha, the arms thing was only a joke! (But I advise you to flail them wildly in the air during sex, like you’re trying to hail a taxi).
Glad the rest of my advice was helpful, though. Thanks for reading!
-Ethan
Haha will do
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