From The Boards: Should You Ask Your BF How Many People He’s Slept With?

Boyfriend's Number

Who cares who he was with in the past? He's with you now!

It’s totally normal to wonder how many people your sweetie was with before you – actually, it’s totally normal to wonder how many people anyone has slept with. We’re human, and we think about these things. But does that mean it’s really any of your business? Is it a necessary thing to know about the person you’re sleeping with (or going to sleep with)?

Since it’s such a tricky question to ask, and since a lot of people lie about their number anyway, we’re always thinking about this issue over at Gurl. When we spotted it in the message boards, we knew we had to ask you guys what your opinion is. Read what these girls had to say, and then let us know what you think: is it okay to ask a dude how many people they had sex with before you?

pmaphlet asked:
So how do you guys think you could ask a guy how many girls he’s been with/ what his number is? Is this reasonable to ask a guy? I mean if you’re going to be in a serious relationship with someone, isn’t it a LITTLE necessary to know their number, just in case you’re worried about STDs and stuff? Do all you know your boyfriends “number”?

greenbeans23 replied and said:
I think it’s perfectly reasonable to want to know how many sexual partners he’s had and to ask him. Just straight up ask him, “how many people have you had sex with?” If you two are going to be having sex you should be comfortable enough for your partner to know these things. At least that’s how I feel.

Does it really matter?

iamsodrunk replied and said:
I don’t think it’s necessary to know at all. The number of people someone has been with and their STD status is not related. Someone can have sex with one person (or nobody!) and have an STD. Alternatively, someone could have sex with 30 people and have no STD. If you’re worried about STDs, ask them specifically about STDs and consider going to get tested with them. But if you’re just curious about their number, I think it’s important to realize that someone’s sexual history isn’t necessarily your business. So I usually ask by, “you don’t have to answer this if you don’t feel comfortable, but… how many people have you had sex with?” Simple, straight forward, and respectful of their privacy.But if you’ve asked him already and he hasn’t told you a number, I’d take that as a clue that he considers that his private business.

We definitely have to agree with iamsodrunk … it’s not necessary to know what your BF’s number is, and what she said about STDs is totally correct. The number of people someone has slept with is a personal thing, and it’s entirely up to your BF if he wants to tell you. So while you can ask if it’s really bugging you, he doesn’t have to fill you in.

Also, think about it this way: what is knowing his number really going to do for you? If you find out he’s been with way more people than you, it might end up making you feel weird, jealous or like you can’t measure up (which you shouldn’t!). The thing is, how many people someone was with before you really doesn’t matter in your current relationship – all that matters it that they’re only sleeping with you now.

Do you ask your boyfriends what their numbers are? Would you tell other people what your number is? Who do you agree with? Tell us in the comments.


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Posted in: Discuss, Discuss, Health, Sex & Relationships, Hooking Up, Love&Sex, Relationships, Sex, STDs & STIs, Virginity, Your Body
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  • eyeamnicegirl

    Nothing wrong with asking if you really want to know. Just don’t get freaked out if (a) he’s a virgin, or (b) his number is 47. If you ask, you have to be ready to accept whatever the answer is. You like him as it is, and his number is what it is before you started liking him, so just that you now know shouldn’t change anything (unless his number includes your mother, your sister, or your best friend).

  • Anonymous

    You should definitely ask if you are building a relationship on honesty and trust. It also shows a lot about a person’s morals and compatibility if you’ve slept with one person and they have slept with 30 they obviously don’t have the same morals and values about sex that you do. That is important in a mature relationship. If the don’t mind the number than you are fine I personally would want someone that values women and doesn’t go through them like kleenex real men are out there ladies who respect women and only have sex with women they care about. Any number above 5 would have me running. Unless they were all serious girlfriends.