How Can I Get Him To Stop Pressuring Me For Sex?

sexual pressure

It's totes fine if you don't want to go any further . . .

Dear Heather,

My boyfriend wants to have sex, and keeps pressuring me to do it–even though I’ve told him I’m not ready. How can I get him to back off?

Uh-oh – sounds like your boyfriend, in addition to being a tad too zealous about kicking things into serious sexual territory, also hasn’t learned a critical lesson about getting your rocks off in a relationship: namely, the more you nag for nookie, the less any girl will want to do the deed with you. (Seriously, y’all, there is *nothing* sexy about whining.)

But while it stinks that your guy isn’t respecting your boundaries, it’s great that you’ve stood your ground! You know what you’re ready for, and you’ve done a great job so far of communicating your limits to your boyfriend – and now, all that’s left is to tell him to knock off the nagging.

If he's a keeper, he'll want you to be comfortable. Even if it means waiting.

A good guy won’t want you to have sex until you’re ready–because good guys know that it’s no fun to get busy until or unless you’re both enthusiastic about the idea. So the next time he bugs you for sex, tell him that a) you’re still not ready, and b) the more he tries to rush your decision, the more you feel that he doesn’t care about or respect you. Or, in other words: “I promise you that when I’m ready to have sex, you’ll be the first to know. But until I’m ready, you need to give me room to make the decision myself. Because when we have sex, I want it to be because I want to, and not because you rushed me into it.”

Once you’ve let your guy know, directly and confidently, that the pressure makes you uncomfortable, he should apologize and back off until such time as you’re ready to get busy – and after all, there’s plenty of fun physical stuff you can do that doesn’t mean going all the way. But if he continues pressuring you even after you’ve told him to stop, then he doesn’t respect your feelings – and he doesn’t deserve your time or attention.

take care,

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How do you get over a guy who already has a girlfriend?

Posted in: Help Me Heather, Love Advice, Love&Sex, Your Life
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  • Jordan

    come on girls dont you have any self respect or boundaries????!!!! a douche bag who pressures you to have sex doesn’t give a rats behind about you that is NOT love and respect besides haven’t you all seen 16 and pregnant

  • Amanda

    If u c a guy forcing u 2 hve sex wth u he does nt luv u so u hve 2 let go though its hurting

  • Elizabeth

    My boyfriend want 2 av sex wit me,but i told him afta my secondary school,firstly he agreed wit me,but afta 1yr,he cnt cope wit it again.becoz of dat he was upset til nw

  • julian

    my man ask me for sex sometimes but if I tell him am not ready will he will get upset. I need help !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Robyn

    I’m 18 and it scares me that all the above comments are girls that have been pressured into having sex at 13 and lower! Like whoa. I’m still a virgin but I know what it’s like to feel forced to do something.

  • lilgurl

    I was 11 when I lost it. I was with my frends and this guy kept pressuring me to have sex.I was curious too and he and I were alone and he kept making me hold his C**K and suck him and stuff and then he started fingering me. I kinda lost self control and I let him do it. He then took me for a drive in his car and we went to a very remote place and he drove to this forest and parked his car and on the hood of the car he did it again.

    • chubbycutiepie

      It happened to me too. I am 13 and this guy kept pushing to do it. He kept saying no one was there and that it was the best time to do it. I kinda wanted to do it too but i kept saying no becoz i thought tht was what I shud do. But I let him go down on me and finer me and stuff and then I dunno it really felt good and he kept making me cum andI ended up losin my veginity to him.

  • Chelsea

    im 14 my boyfriend is 19, last weekend he pressured me into doing it 🙁

  • julia

    I’m only thirteen, and my boyfriend is starting to talk more about this and he is implying that he wants to have sex. I’m pretty sure he knows I don’t want to. I’ve chosen abstinence, weather he likes it or not. It’s not that I don’t have the feelings
    to, its just I don’t think I’m ready and its such a young age. If it bothers me anymore ill he sure to look back at this. 🙂

  • Bola

    I think my boyfriend want sex and i told him i’m nt realy,he never force me to go against my wish.

  • greyskies

    my boyfriend still kind of pressures mee about sex till this dayy .
    bhu lately itss about PHONE SEX && ibe lhk ughh , leave mi alonnne NOOO !
    loll : } bhu dhat my babbby . .

  • neonsummer

    I am only 12 so I am still a virgin and kno hrdly anithang about sex but I just hate that someone would pressure you to do something they didnt want to do. I would have a frigin mental breakdown if I had to hurt someones feelings esspecially is it is someone I love. </3