My boyfriend wants to have sex, and keeps pressuring me to do it–even though I’ve told him I’m not ready. How can I get him to back off?
Uh-oh – sounds like your boyfriend, in addition to being a tad too zealous about kicking things into serious sexual territory, also hasn’t learned a critical lesson about getting your rocks off in a relationship: namely, the more you nag for nookie, the less any girl will want to do the deed with you. (Seriously, y’all, there is *nothing* sexy about whining.)
But while it stinks that your guy isn’t respecting your boundaries, it’s great that you’ve stood your ground! You know what you’re ready for, and you’ve done a great job so far of communicating your limits to your boyfriend – and now, all that’s left is to tell him to knock off the nagging.A good guy won’t want you to have sex until you’re ready–because good guys know that it’s no fun to get busy until or unless you’re both enthusiastic about the idea. So the next time he bugs you for sex, tell him that a) you’re still not ready, and b) the more he tries to rush your decision, the more you feel that he doesn’t care about or respect you. Or, in other words: “I promise you that when I’m ready to have sex, you’ll be the first to know. But until I’m ready, you need to give me room to make the decision myself. Because when we have sex, I want it to be because I want to, and not because you rushed me into it.”
Once you’ve let your guy know, directly and confidently, that the pressure makes you uncomfortable, he should apologize and back off until such time as you’re ready to get busy – and after all, there’s plenty of fun physical stuff you can do that doesn’t mean going all the way. But if he continues pressuring you even after you’ve told him to stop, then he doesn’t respect your feelings – and he doesn’t deserve your time or attention.
What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at firstname.lastname@example.org