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They say the first love is the hardest to get over, right?
Breaking Up With Someone
Yeah, getting dumped by your first love really, really stinks – but being the one who’s doing the dumping? That really stinks also. I know the person who was just rejected always gets all of the sympathy, and I’m not saying they shouldn’t, but sometimes the other person is hurting almost just as much. I’ve been there, and as much as I’d love to forget about it, breaking up with my first real boyfriend was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to go through.
I started dating D when I was a 14-year-old freshmen and we both fell totally head-over-heels in love with each other instantly. And when I say love, what I really mean is more of an obsession. Before long, we had both dropped all of our other friends in order to spend as much time together as possible. I was with him every single day, and every moment we weren’t together was torture. This went on throughout all four years of high school and into our second year of college.
In the beginning, we were so happy...
While things had started out great, they didn’t stay that way. At first, I had been convinced that D was the perfect guy. But after a few hazy years where he could do no wrong, I slowly started to see another side of him. D had some major emotional and mental issues that I had no idea how to deal with. At least once a week, he got so depressed that he went into hysterics to me, saying he was going to kill himself and that he hated everything about his life. I was left feeling like I wasn’t good enough to make him happy, like his depression was somehow my fault (obviously, it wasn’t, but I was young and easily manipulated).
When I turned 18, I started to mature and grow. D did not. In fact, he became even more miserable. His depression not only brought me down, but it brought down everyone around him. Being with him was like slowly being sucked into a black hole of misery where nothing ever went right. Loving D was literally tearing me apart. Despite the fact that we had talked endlessly about getting married, having kids and being together forever, I knew I couldn’t do it. I had to end things.
Breaking up with D was not easy. He begged for me back, over and over again. He sent me a million text messages, called me constantly, promised me things he couldn’t give me so that I wouldn’t leave. He told me if I broke up with him, he would kill himself. He told me his depression was my fault.
It wasn't easy for either of us
For a full two years after we broke up, I had mutual friends tell me that D wouldn’t stop talking about me. D told everyone that if I would take him back, his whole life would be better. He went into a full downward spiral, doing drugs, drinking and even cutting himself; telling everyone it was because of me. I felt guilty every day. Of course I missed him… I spent most nights lying in bed, considering the pros and cons of getting back together with him. Getting over him took years, a few months of therapy, and a lot of heart-to-hearts with my girlfriends.
It wasn’t easy knowing that I broke D’s heart. It’s been almost five years since we broke up, and he still tells people he misses me. I wish so much that I didn’t have to be the one who made him so sad – although I now know his depression was never and will never be my fault, I never wanted to leave D feeling alone and abandoned. But breaking up with him was the best thing I could have done for myself – and I learned that sometimes, you have to put yourself first, no matter how selfish it might seem to others.
Have you ever been the one to dump someone? Did you ever break someone’s heart and feel really bad about it? Let us know in the comments.
Need help getting over a breakup? Heather’s got some advice.
Breaking Up With Someone
Would You Rather
Would You Rather?
I think I might have a problem, but I broke someone’s heart and I feel, happy. Almost overjoyed. Am I horrible for being this way? If feel like such a narcacist, but no one really shows me love (this boy basically used me as a therapist, only talking to me to vent, whenever I tried to talk he would say “listen to me, you’re so selfish!” and when I tried to remove him from my life he threatened to self harm.) so I guess the one who loves me the most, and always will, is myself.
I broke a guys heart he was my best friend then out of nowhere he asked me out! We went out for a month and a half but he said that he’d loved me for ages from the first week he was telling me he loved me. Me and my friends thought it was a bit soon. Things didn’t really change we were the same except we had a label. He never kissed me and he hardly hugged me like he was scared thats what I thought it was so I decided to make the first move. I kissed him and he pretty much froze and didn’t react so it was awkward after that though he text me saying he really loved me but that was the only kiss we had during our whole relationship. After awhile he got clingy and slightly obsessive my friends said that the way he watched me looked like he either wanted to r*pe me stab me or eat me!! So I broke up with him. I had never been happier but for him the first week without me was filled with fights tears and a sprained ankle. Its been seven months and he stills calls me the “love witch” (I enchant people to fall in love with me then break their hearts but they can’t help but love me – thats how weird he turned)
I have broken someone’s heart, too… It really does make you feel terrible, doesn’t it? I never dated the guy (who happened to be a D, too) but we were friends for 1 1/2- 2 years at the time. I had developed feelings which he told me were mutual, but he never made a move. I told him I loved him and waited half a year for him to make a move but he never did. Awhile after that I met and started dating my current boyfriend of 1 year. About a week ago he told me he cried himself to sleep and never talked to any girls for 3 months or so once I gave up on him. He said it was even a really big step for him to say hi to a friend’s girlfriend (who’s now his girlfriend) and that I almost destroyed his already low self confidence. I felt like you-know-what for a long time before I realized that we had both moved on and it’s all fine, but it sucks to know that you’re the reason for someone else’s pain.
It was exactly what I had to go through in the summer. I dated this guy for 6 years, from high school (I was 15) up until I was 22, and we lived for two years together away at college. It was the most devastating thing I ever had to do, my heart ached and I cried all the time. I drank a lot for a few months afterwards, I felt so guilty. I hurt someone who didn’t deserve it. The worst part was two years prior, I began to have feelings for someone else, and sacrificed that chance with them because I was too guilty of abandoning somebody who just simply loved me and devoted so much time to me. It took two years of mental torture to finally have the guts to tell him that I had changed. It sucked, to put it bluntly..but I’m slowly getting to know myself again now being single. It’s tough, and it’s not always fun, but I’m finally attaining what it was I really wanted all along- personal freedom.
I’m going through the SAME thing
It hurts so much, it’s so hard to be alone.
I feel like I will need therapy to get over my last relationship. It was only for a month but it was my first real relationship, the guy was much older, and my parent’s didn’t approve. I keep thinking about him and it has been two months. I get stressed out about what to do to not think about him or let things remind me of him.
The same thing happened to me–I know how you feel. I had to break up with my boyfriend in high school so after everyone gave him sympathy and called me a bitch for leaving him…I felt so guilty but putting yourself first, like you said, is the smartest thing to do in a situation like this. The dirty looks people give me in the hallway bother me a lot but i’ve moved on and hopefully they all will too. I’m sure your boyfriend will eventually see your side and get on with his life. You did the right thing and that’s really hard, you should feel proud of yourself for looking out for your own happiness!
I just had to do this last week . Now he goes out with my best friend. Just proves to show that I’m too young for relationships, they don’t mean nothing at 13 years old.
This is such a true story.. It happens to a lot of people
I know that feeling , knowin that even when your with him he wouldnt be happy but you need to know you cant be someone else’s happiness if your not happy in yourself you simply cant be happy with anyone else.
great story. his problems are totally not your fault and im glad you see that. thank you for sharing this.
Wow….u r totally living proof that u do sometimes have to put yourself first.