Breaking Up With Someone
Yeah, getting dumped by your first love really, really stinks – but being the one who’s doing the dumping? That really stinks also. I know the person who was just rejected always gets all of the sympathy, and I’m not saying they shouldn’t, but sometimes the other person is hurting almost just as much. I’ve been there, and as much as I’d love to forget about it, breaking up with my first real boyfriend was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to go through.
I started dating D when I was a 14-year-old freshmen and we both fell totally head-over-heels in love with each other instantly. And when I say love, what I really mean is more of an obsession. Before long, we had both dropped all of our other friends in order to spend as much time together as possible. I was with him every single day, and every moment we weren’t together was torture. This went on throughout all four years of high school and into our second year of college.
While things had started out great, they didn’t stay that way. At first, I had been convinced that D was the perfect guy. But after a few hazy years where he could do no wrong, I slowly started to see another side of him. D had some major emotional and mental issues that I had no idea how to deal with. At least once a week, he got so depressed that he went into hysterics to me, saying he was going to kill himself and that he hated everything about his life. I was left feeling like I wasn’t good enough to make him happy, like his depression was somehow my fault (obviously, it wasn’t, but I was young and easily manipulated).
When I turned 18, I started to mature and grow. D did not. In fact, he became even more miserable. His depression not only brought me down, but it brought down everyone around him. Being with him was like slowly being sucked into a black hole of misery where nothing ever went right. Loving D was literally tearing me apart. Despite the fact that we had talked endlessly about getting married, having kids and being together forever, I knew I couldn’t do it. I had to end things.
Breaking up with D was not easy. He begged for me back, over and over again. He sent me a million text messages, called me constantly, promised me things he couldn’t give me so that I wouldn’t leave. He told me if I broke up with him, he would kill himself. He told me his depression was my fault.
For a full two years after we broke up, I had mutual friends tell me that D wouldn’t stop talking about me. D told everyone that if I would take him back, his whole life would be better. He went into a full downward spiral, doing drugs, drinking and even cutting himself; telling everyone it was because of me. I felt guilty every day. Of course I missed him… I spent most nights lying in bed, considering the pros and cons of getting back together with him. Getting over him took years, a few months of therapy, and a lot of heart-to-hearts with my girlfriends.
It wasn’t easy knowing that I broke D’s heart. It’s been almost five years since we broke up, and he still tells people he misses me. I wish so much that I didn’t have to be the one who made him so sad – although I now know his depression was never and will never be my fault, I never wanted to leave D feeling alone and abandoned. But breaking up with him was the best thing I could have done for myself – and I learned that sometimes, you have to put yourself first, no matter how selfish it might seem to others.
Have you ever been the one to dump someone? Did you ever break someone’s heart and feel really bad about it? Let us know in the comments.
Breaking Up With Someone