From The Boards: Do Girls Really Get Attached To The Person They Lose Their Virginity To?

Attached After Sex

Losing your virginity doesn't always mean falling in love.



At some point in your life, you’ve probably heard someone say that girls always get emotionally attached after sex. We’re guessing it was something along the lines of the fact that women can’t have sex without falling in love, becoming attached and obsessive, or getting hurt. It can seem kind of crazy, and not surprisingly, a lot of girls question it.

Putting aside the facts for a minute, what is your personal opinion on this statement? Do you think that girls always get emotionally attached to the guys they have sex with? Or do you think there are plenty of exceptions? Read what these girls had to say in the message boards, and then check out what we have to say – then let us know what you think.

PrincessCheyenne said:
So I’ve heard that after you lose your virginity to a guy, there is a hormone in the female brain that is released that makes them more attached and want the guy more. Could anyone help me with this? Do you know if it’s true or where I could read more about it at? It would be really helpful!

shardasiah_haugabrook replied and said:
I don’t know if there’s a hormone to make you attached to the person you’ve lost your virginity to, but I will tell you that you will view the person you’ve slept with for the first time completely different. I’m guessing that if you want to give your virginity up to someone, that person is special to you. You may already be emotionally attached to that person, but not in a way that you will be once you have sex with them. Sex is a stress reliever, a way of making up with each other, and a way to unite with each other and feel as one. It will seem as though your lonely days are over. You will definitely feel closer to the person.

Caleb and Hanna definitely did seem more attached after they did the deed.

hero_of_the_day replied and said:
I don’t think it’s true. Personally, if I have sex with someone, I do get more attached to them. But it’s an emotional thing, nothing to do with chemicals or whatever, because I don’t orgasm during sex. It depends on the individual. Many girls do get attached after sex, but not all of them and I don’t think there’s any science behind it… us girls are usually more affectionate like that, that’s all.

Okay, so here’s the truth: yes, there is a “bonding” hormone that gets released into your brain during sexual intercourse. It’s called oxytocin, and while it will make most women feel closer to their partner, it doesn’t have the same effect on everyone.

Feeling emotionally attached to the guy you lost your virginity to, or any guy you sleep with, is totally normal. But just because it’s normal and happens a lot doesn’t mean it happens to every girl. Contrary to popular belief, there are girls out there who can have sex without feeling emotions. When it comes down to it, it depends on how your body reacts to sex, and there’s really no right or wrong.

Did you feel emotionally attached to the person you lost it to? Do you think all girls do in some way? Tell us in the comments.

 

Should you dump a dude who’s still into his ex?


Posted in: Discuss, Discuss, Health, Sex & Relationships, Hooking Up, Love&Sex, Relationships, Sex, Your Body
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  • Jackie

    I don’t think having sex attaches a person after the first time. I think when you’re really intimate and close is when you get attached, emotionally. Sex is normal, it eventually happens and it’s nothing more. I mean I think it’s ok for people to have sex without having feelings for each other but I personally think it’s better when you’re in love, it just feels right.

  • Meghan

    I lost my virginity to my boyfriend (now ex) a few months ago. He was perfect with it all and was so caring. Though, after he left me I felt like I was used for it because it was about a month after we did it. I feel so attached to him and want him back so badly, but I know it’ll end badly. He left me because he didn’t want to a girlfriend anymore but just someone to play around with. I’m so heartbroken even after months. So yes, after I lost it the connection got bigger.

  • Tumi

    It was four ago when i lost my girlhood and i did feel attached to him more than ever, i stressed and obsessed over the guy. He is still part of my life even though we longer dating

  • cindy195

    Should a virgin girl releases before or on the verge of intercourse

  • Barbie

    Yes! You do , I’m obsessed with th guy th took my Virginity lol I can’t seem to leave him alone, I get really crazy when he talks to other girls and I beat em bi*ches!! Everyone knws his mine :) kinda freaky huh?

  • Sanga

    Hi friends my name is Sanga I’m 21 years my girlfriend is 18 we r still in the relationship. One doubt I have two months before. I asked her to deactivate the fb account. She asked me why? I said ur doing ur sat exam so go study u can’t concentrate she was like I can’t I can study I left. After one month I broke up with her she was like why? Do u ppl knw y? She stared telling lie to my mum n sis using fb so I could Nt txt I said Ok again I broke up she started crying I said cool why do cry? She was like( told u all the lies I’m Sry in this case don’t belive girls they can cry so easily they can change ur mind) because fb I’m doubting her I can’t take her lies Plz some help me Wat should I do?

  • Lily

    I had sex for the first time last night, and I can honestly say that no, I’m not attached whatsoever. I feared having sex simply because I thought there would be this instant emotional attatchment. I was wrong. Virginity is a concept, I didn’t lose anything, I gained a sexual experience.
    I put off having sex for so long, I don’t know why I ever did! Nothing changed about me, I don’t feel guilty, and I don’t love anyone, before or after the sex.

    My advice: what people have told women about virginity for centuries is wrong, sex is natural, and it is not bad.
    Of course, only have sex when you’re ready, but don’t let guilt make it’s way into your head. Having sex means you’re enjoying being a human.
    Don’t be like me, where I had the opportunity to have sex with some pretty great guys and I said no, simply because I was a virgin.
    I look back now and say
    “DAMN. I wish I would’ve fucked him when I had the chance’

  • King

    My girlfriend told me she loved me 4 months into our relationship cause I treated her different then her other boyfriends but I think she’s that way cause she’s still a virgin but then again I love her too and can’t picture life w/o her I’m afraid of how we’ll be after her first time if we’ll be inseparable or fall apart

  • Biance

    Im 17 years old..g0na be 18 in acouple of days..wel basically im c0nfused and scared..i’ve been in a relati0nship with my boyfriend 4 alm0st 3years..its actually a l0ng distance relati0nship..im still a vrigin…and we planning 0n meeting each other sumtime so0n.he wants 2 get me pregnant when we meet but im scared bec0z i d0n’t kn0w if i shuld trust him..he’s a g0od pers0n and treats me like a princess.

    • N.

      Holy crap…um, please done get pregnant…please!

    • AnayaWIlliams

      I wouldn’t do that personally, my ex that I was with a year ago wanted to get my pregnant at 17 but who knows he probably would have left me. Don’t get pregnant cause later in life you’ll regret it. They say they’ll stay and help you but a lot of times they don’t. A baby won’t make him stay trust me.

  • Elizabeth

    A week ago I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. We were “together” all through elementary school, then in middle school he moved and we got separated for 4 years. We never stopped talking, and 5 months ago we got back together & are going stronger than ever. So here we are at 16, reunited & Head over heels in love. I loved him before we decided to make love, but nothing like I do now. We’ve made love 3 times since last week, and every time was perfect, especially the last time. Ever since, I’ve felt emotionally attached to him. I’ve been so confused. Is it the same for him? We’ve talked a lot about it & before we ever did he said he wanted to so we would have a bond that would keep us together forever. (Sweetest thing he’s ever said.) well, it definitely worked for me. I can’t get him off my mind and I feel so alone when I’m not with him. I feel like he’s a part of me. Is this normal?

  • Mackenzie

    I do feel emotionally attached to the guy who took my virginity. I thought I was in love with him before. But after the sex, I was beyond, head over heels in love with him. And I feel I still am. We broke up about 2 months ago, and I’ve been a wreck. But he’s been perfectly fine (well he seems like it). Is it normal for me to be so upset about this?

  • A girl who’s been through a lot

    I lost my viriginity 2 years ago when I was 15, almost 16. I lost it to a guy I thought that I was going to marry. He was very sweet and perfect at first. We were together on and off for 2 years. He started to become an asshole to me and treated me like crap. He never walked out of my life, so not every guy does that. But he was very special to me and I will probably always be attached to him because he was my first and we were so comftorable around each other enough to share our bodies. He treated me like complete shit and we have broken up for good. Every other guy I have had sex with (which is 2 other people) I do have this emotional connection with them. Sex brings you closer and you should only do it with someone you can really trust. Giving your body to a guy is a special thing that really should be reserved for a guy who treats you like a princess and is really dedicated to you. I got emotionally attached so be careful girls cuz most girls do get attached.

  • jewel

    i am 18 almost 19 and i met this guy in late december at the mall he works there. so he came up to me we exchanged numbers by the way hes 26 he has a kid hes 7 years old. i was talking to him for about 2 months he had alot to talk about he wasnt that attractive but i really liked his personality. and on valentimes day i went to the mall to go see him he was working we just made out and then later that night he texts to go back to where he works so i went and we went to his car and we started kissing he started touching me and then we were naked and we had sex he was very gental and knew what he was doing. after that he stopped talking to me i miss him so much and ive tryed to go see him but his coworkers said he doesnt work there anymore. i wanna text him but i dont wanna feel stupid if he doesnt reply i do feel more attached to him.

  • Beth

    Ever since losing my virginity there hasn’t been a day I haven’t thought about him. He walked away as soon as he got what he wanted. My advice is don’t give anyone your virginity until you’re certain they won’t walk away from you and you won’t regret it. It’s been months and there’s not a day that goes by that i don’t think about him.

  • kelleigh

    I am reading up on this for advice is it possible to make the guy you lost it to fall for you I mean after all I did give it up to him and this was yesterday and I am worried that he will not ever want a relationship just sex I am hoping he will after a period of time. I think he’s confused in all honesty but he’s in love with my best friend so he says. but then slept with me but my best friend is with his best friend and his best friend knows if anyone can help me id really appreciate it I am in a bind thanks

  • Anonymous

    I lost my virginity about a year ago and me and the guy were extremely close and I felt comfortable allowing him to take my virginity and after it happened he pretty much walked out of my life and we’ve barely talked since, he doesn’t even feel like he’s done any wrong. Since then it’s been so hard even trying to date because I don’t trust anyone and I have never talked to anyone about it.

  • Mary-Jane

    His name is Freedom. He prefers Freddy but he’ll always be my Freedom. He gave me freedom, love, tenderness and sweet sex. I’ll never forget Freedom. He’s married to someone else now, but he’s still mine cause I took his virginity and he took mine. And he was sooooooooooooo sweet and gentle! I could sleep with anyday. My Freedom.

  • Amber

    On my first time I got really attached to the guy that took my virgintiy away