How Do I Get Over A Guy Who Already Has A Girlfriend?

Getting Over Someone

Rachel, Finn and Quinn played this game for a long time...


Hey Heather,

I’m a freshman in high school and I have really liked this guy for two years – but he has a girlfriend and they have been dating for almost two years now. I cry everyday, because I’ve done nothing but wait for him to leave her. I hate feeling like I’m wishing pain upon them, I really don’t want to do that. But the feelings I’ve had towards him are so strong that when I see them in the hallway together my stomach churns and my eyes tear up. My friends stress the fact I need to move on, I know I need to move on, but its not that easy.

This may sound silly, but I feel like they’re going to date all four years of high school and get married,  and I’ll never get a chance to let him know how I feel. I’d do it now but I feel like the effort would be worthless, because he’s so into her. Why wont this feeling go away, Heather? How come even though I know his girlfriend’s sweet, I still have bitter feelings for her? How come I can’t let go of something I never had?

Unfortunately, liking someone isn’t something you can turn on and off. If only it were that simple! Moving past this is going to take time, but trust me: it is possible. I have no idea how long this guy is going to be with his girlfriend – it could be only for a few weeks, but it could be for a few years. You can’t spend your time waiting for him. Try to cut him out of your life entirely. When you see him walking down the hallway, turn the other way. Pay attention to him as little as possible. Don’t go out of way to run into him or look at his Facebook.

Lean on your BFF's - that's what they're there for!

Surround yourself with your friends, and get into some hobbies that you love. Doing things that you enjoy and being with people you like will keep you distracted and make you happy. The main thing to remember is that you can’t let yourself focus on this guy. No matter how much you want to daydream about him, you need to learn to stop yourself. Plus, joining some school clubs will allow you to meet new people, and you need to be open to the idea of getting a new crush (one who doesn’t have a girlfriend).

I would also definitely advise against telling this guy how you feel. If he’s been with this girl for two years, it’s because he really cares about her and he’s happy. Telling him that you like him will only make this situation worse. His girlfriend will most likely find out, he probably won’t give you the response you’re looking for, and you’ll just end up hurt and more unhappy. If him and his GF break up, and your feelings haven’t changed, then feel free to tell him the truth. But you can’t sit around waiting for that day, because who knows when it will come?

Also, please don’t beat yourself up for how you feel. It sounds like you feel guilty for wishing they would break up, but feeling that is totally normal in this kind of situation. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad person, and the more you make yourself feel badly about it, the more sad you’re going to be. Keep in mind that there are tons of great guys out there. This one might be your first big crush, but he definitely won’t be your last.

take care,
heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

 

What do you do if your ex is threatening to spill all of your secrets?


Posted in: Help Me Heather, Love Advice, Love&Sex, Your Life
Tags: , , ,
  • another sad woman

    it hurts

  • Nolwandle

    Hey. Im 22 been dating this guy for almost two years now. I love him soo much. He does soo much for me or maybe say he used to. His older than me. His 40 this year. He has a gf that they’ve been together for long time before I was even in the picture. I knew about her and never bothered me bck then but now it does. Cos I feel he doesn’t do the things he used to do for me. He doesn’t love me like he used to. His full attention is on this girl. By the way the girl stays in Johannesburg and thr guy is here with me in durban. He travels alot yo jhb. I lovve him . It hurts me. Please help

  • BabyBlues

    There was this guy that I fell so hard for. He was amazing. I got an offer to go to this really prestige high school, so I took it. I never told him how I felt before I left. Well my mom got a job back at the other school, so I went back so I wouldn’t have to drive 74 miles everyday alone to go this school. When I got back he was dating my cousin!! We had like 4 classes together so of course we got close again. Then one day he asked me if I liked him. I told him I used too. Then he asked me if I still did. I told him No what was a supposed to do he was dating my freaking cousin! THen he told me that he was thinking about breaking up with her. I told him that I would be upset with him if he did, because no matter how much I liked him, she was going through a rough time and she needed him. It was the last day for seniors and he told me that he had fell in love with me, and then I left. I told him I had feelings for him too ( i just couldn’t help it anymore). He said that he was dating *M* now, but if I hadn’t left everything would different. He said that he was glad that we were friends and that who knows we could have broken up by now and hated each other. OMG, he just made me want him even more. Sniffle sniffle tear tear

  • Krystal

    I’m in a situation like this but worse. this was good advice..if u tell him u may end up like me….I am in love with a Guy when I first met him a year and some months ago…we hung out ans talked all the time..then I found out he had a gf..but I didn’t stop what we were doing….everything feels so right with him when we both know its wrong now I’m town and hurt beyond beliefe because he proposed to here about two weeks ago…a week after the proposal he wanted to see me I saw him last night …we talked about the situation I could do nothing but cry BUT then he finally comes out and says he fell for me and has love for me too…but today he told me that deep down he knows he is going to marry her even though he has these feelings foe me….but if u haven’t let him go please do its not worth the pain

    • Uyen

      If he says he loves you too, but did not act toward that love, it means that he actually does not love you much enough to choose you over the other girl. There is a man out there who would adore and wordship you, who would put you on the top of his life. And you, as a woman, are supposed to be with a man like that. Move on and be possitive about your future. The former love is history.

  • CCCCC

    I overall think this was pretty good advice. I’m a first-year college student and I like a guy who lives with his girlfriend. I don’t know how long they’ve been dating for. It’s hard to distract yourself with clubs and friends when he IS in one of the clubs you’re most involved in and he IS one of your friends and you don’t want to end your friendship.

  • Ashley

    Ugh, I’ve liked him for SO long now, he’s been with his girlfriend for about a year now.. I’ve done nothing but wait for them to break up, I don’t think it’s gonna happen soon. He sometimes flirts with me, and then leads me on, then drops me. I hate it. Need help on getting over him..

  • Me

    I like this guy since I was in 8th grade (he was a junior) and now I am in high school and have gotten to know him,I like him more! But the problem is that he has a girlfriend and this other girl that he always hugs and holds hands with. I found out recently that wasn’t his girlfriend because my friend said she seen his gf and that it didn’t look like the girl at school. It’s so confusing and it makes me mad when I see them together sometimes. Plus,he gets a little mean when he’s around her sometimes so I try to stay out of his way most of the time.

    I’ve also mistaken his physical affection to flirting. He had brush hair out of my face and we stared into each others eyes when I don’t feel uncomfortable. From learning that he hugs me and only does the things he does because he’s my friend,I distance myself from him one time. That did NOT work because he had gotten really mad when I wouldn’t let him hug me and I walked away from him most of the time. We talked about it and he felt hurt because I wouldn’t let him treat me like a friend.

    The point is is that I like him though so I can’t keep having those strong feelings. I don’t know what to do!

  • HeadOverHeels13

    i have the same problom 🙁 he has a gf but still kinda flirts with me, but, *sigh* i want him to just dump her already. any ideas on how to win him over? (i.e flirting,fashion, etc)

  • Brooke

    What if he flirts with you a lot ! ((&)) pulls you away from other guys when your near them because he doesn’t like it ? I’m so confused …

  • Heather

    Ugh. I’ve got just about this same problem too except: the guy I like has been my bestfriend for three years and I’ve known his girlfriend for about 12 years and I reallllllly don’t like her. They’ve broken up and gone back out almost 4 times and currently he’s single but they’re talking again. He always falls back on me when they break up and its really hard for me. I’m not sure what to do anymore. We used to be close but now that she’s all over him, he barely talks to me anymore unless he needs something. Its killing me. 🙁

    • Maureen

      exactly the same!

  • alexis

    jjust tell him how you really feel. Then atleast you’ll know that you atleast told him how you feel. trust me your going to have alot of crushes and people u think you “love” ,so this ain’t the first one you’ll have ♥ cause i have been in love with this dude but i eventually worked up the courage to tell him how i felt and now we’re closer then ever! xD so even if he doesn’t like you that way, you guys can still be really good friends… maybe even best friends(:

  • niria

    OkAy SAy iF HEs (OldER) tHAN Uu N Uu qAiNEd fEEliiNqZ fOR HiM

  • zoey

    what if its hard to move on? like he is in all of your classes then wtf do you do then??

    • niria

      tHEN Uu qO 2 HiM ANd iNtROdUCE Ur SElf N BE fRiENdss N tHEN WORk UuR WAy tHRU

    • alexis

      then you try to stay away as possible as you can. or just don’t pay attention to him at all!