Getting Over Someone
I’m a freshman in high school and I have really liked this guy for two years – but he has a girlfriend and they have been dating for almost two years now. I cry everyday, because I’ve done nothing but wait for him to leave her. I hate feeling like I’m wishing pain upon them, I really don’t want to do that. But the feelings I’ve had towards him are so strong that when I see them in the hallway together my stomach churns and my eyes tear up. My friends stress the fact I need to move on, I know I need to move on, but its not that easy.
This may sound silly, but I feel like they’re going to date all four years of high school and get married, and I’ll never get a chance to let him know how I feel. I’d do it now but I feel like the effort would be worthless, because he’s so into her. Why wont this feeling go away, Heather? How come even though I know his girlfriend’s sweet, I still have bitter feelings for her? How come I can’t let go of something I never had?
Unfortunately, liking someone isn’t something you can turn on and off. If only it were that simple! Moving past this is going to take time, but trust me: it is possible. I have no idea how long this guy is going to be with his girlfriend – it could be only for a few weeks, but it could be for a few years. You can’t spend your time waiting for him. Try to cut him out of your life entirely. When you see him walking down the hallway, turn the other way. Pay attention to him as little as possible. Don’t go out of way to run into him or look at his Facebook.
Surround yourself with your friends, and get into some hobbies that you love. Doing things that you enjoy and being with people you like will keep you distracted and make you happy. The main thing to remember is that you can’t let yourself focus on this guy. No matter how much you want to daydream about him, you need to learn to stop yourself. Plus, joining some school clubs will allow you to meet new people, and you need to be open to the idea of getting a new crush (one who doesn’t have a girlfriend).
I would also definitely advise against telling this guy how you feel. If he’s been with this girl for two years, it’s because he really cares about her and he’s happy. Telling him that you like him will only make this situation worse. His girlfriend will most likely find out, he probably won’t give you the response you’re looking for, and you’ll just end up hurt and more unhappy. If him and his GF break up, and your feelings haven’t changed, then feel free to tell him the truth. But you can’t sit around waiting for that day, because who knows when it will come?
Also, please don’t beat yourself up for how you feel. It sounds like you feel guilty for wishing they would break up, but feeling that is totally normal in this kind of situation. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad person, and the more you make yourself feel badly about it, the more sad you’re going to be. Keep in mind that there are tons of great guys out there. This one might be your first big crush, but he definitely won’t be your last.
What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at firstname.lastname@example.org
Getting Over Someone