Comments on: From The Boards: Should You Dump Him If He’s Not Over His Ex?

By: Sara

Sara — Sun, 28 Apr 2013 18:30:20 +0000

Met a wonderful guy two months ago. Was everything I wanted in a man. I could tell right away he wasn’t over his ex wife of 15 years. They have 3 children together and are in constant contact. It was a lose-lose situation for me right away because the ex decided that she wanted him back. He was torn I could tell because he really liked me but he eventually chose the ex. I expect a phone call/text from him one day saying he made a mistake by going back to his ex. But, I can’t be with someone I can’t trust. I’m too good of a woman to be second best. My advice to other women in this situation is to stop imagining a reality where this man who’s been with you for months will suddenly get over his ex. Because he won’t. They just try to bury it and hide it from you. Something about the way men are wired that they find it attractive, challenging to “get back” with the one that hurt them the most. Let him go and find someone who really deserves you.

By: ina

ina — Wed, 24 Apr 2013 03:22:59 +0000

r u still together??

By: brown girl1

brown girl1 — Wed, 20 Mar 2013 06:31:00 +0000

No I would not. I am currently living with my ex/baby father and during our break up found someone new. He told her he still has feelings for me (5 year tionship). He is currently lying to her about our living arrangements and us till sleeping together. He says we are livin together for the kids but we hav a two bedroom house we share the same bed and everything. It is my advise to make sure he is completely over his ex because things like this happen. He told her it was over with us but how did we end up living together if he hated me soo bad? He jumped right into this relationship with her after we broke up. I figured he was seeing her the time we were together. However it is obvious he still loves me. We do everything together.

By: DJ

DJ — Sun, 30 Dec 2012 04:18:31 +0000

Really, every person is different. If you think he’s worth it, be patient with him. Me and my boyfriend are still together. We are still taking things slowly, but we are a lot further along than we were when I first posted this. He may be hesitant, but he’s still there, and he’s there for me. I end up in the hospital a few weeks back, and he’s the only one that kept checking in on me. My own family didn’t come see me, and only one friend visited me while I was there. Not knowing what attracted him to me, I worried that he might lose interest. You see, I can’t walk right now, and haven’t been able to since the beginning of the month. I don’t know if this is permanent or not. But he doesn’t care. In fact, he seems to want to be around me even more now. Not just me, but my kids as well. I think my kids are a big part of why he’s been so slow with me. He didn’t have kids with his ex, but she had kids when they met and he raised them as his own. He loved those kids, and it hurt him when they were gone. Because they weren’t his, he has no legal right to see them, and she won’t let him. I know that he worries about that with my kids, but lately he has been finding things for us to do that includes the kids, like movies and bowling.
And while he has not yet told me he loves me, he is more openly affectionate with me in front of our friends; something that he was uncomfortable with before. He’s also much more open with me than he was before. He’s not a very open person at all, so I know this is a big thing for him. I know from experience that sometimes it’s hard to get over someone you love, even when they betray you. I’ve been there and I truly understand how he feels. It was where I was when I met my ex, and I did keep him at arm’s length at the beginning of our relationship. We were together for 19 years and would still be together if he hadn’t completely betrayed me and our kids. So I guess my advice is evaluate your situation. Is the relationship good outside of the fact that he is holding back? Is he worth the wait? If the answer is yes, then give him a chance. But if there is any doubt in your mind, maybe take a step back and see if there is someone better out there.

By: sherlyn

sherlyn — Sun, 25 Nov 2012 11:24:58 +0000

I’m in kind of a same situation now and I don’t know what to do! Its been 2 and a half years of our relationship and this ex thingy has gotten worse. My bf told me at the beginning of our relationship that they didn’t go out for long (maybe few months or so) but she is a very good friend of his now. The weird part is whenever the topic comes up he keeps saying that they broke up cause of other people creating problems in their relation “so they had to” and I get a strange vibe that he would be with her if it was up to him totally. I also keeps saying that she is just a very very good friend now. At first I was ok with them talking and hanging out with her when he goes back to visit his home country. (* he is not canadian and she lives back where he is from). But recently I stalked him (cause of the series of lovey dovey text msgs to a he got caught with) and found out that he calls her (international calls!! *expensive) every now and then to wake her up on time for work so she won’t be late. I saw a picture of her in his computer that he recently was trying to Photoshop whereas its not even his hobby or sth.
I don’t know what to do! Is this right? Need some advice!

By: Pushpa

Pushpa — Thu, 22 Nov 2012 03:37:45 +0000

If the guys are not over from their ex than why they need another one. Please girl don’t try to make fool yourself by waiting a man like that. Becoz such things happen to me also. We met as a friend before two years.At that time I did not know that he has gf but I don’t mind about anything because I am just a friend of him. Later he propose me by showing the message about their break up even though I did not belief him as I don’t have such kind of feeling towards him.But passing by time I accept him. But our relation is running smoothly by time, rough time came in front of me when I saw the message and special mail from his ex gf side.At that time I shut up my mouth to know the real things.Later I came to know that they are in relation just making me a fool and have a regular communicating.One thing is they are in different country but he is going her country for some reason and meeting them.At that time I felt very helpless and hurt a lot.But I thought that it’s not a good to hurt yourself for the others nonsense work.So I tried my best to forget everything what was happen to me.Until now we are together but I am recovering myself by seeing him and recalling his fake love.He wanted to settle down his life with me but I ignored his words and told him directly that I don’t want to ruin my life by accepting you as my husband. I exactly don’t know I have done right or wrong but I will never regret about my decision because he has cheated me from the first day to until now means almost two years. He is thinking that I don’t know about him and his continue relationship with his ex until now.

By: sam

sam — Tue, 28 Aug 2012 19:42:51 +0000

Hi Dj, I am currently here in your position only in the earlier stages. I met a man out of the blue through mutual acquaintances, only to find out he just got out of a relationship. When asking my friends about him, they told me he was emotionally unavailable. So a day after meeting him, he decides to get in touch with me unexpectedly. We start communicating, getting to know each other, and sharing things we’ve never said to anyone else before. He repeatedly would tell me how much he’s over it and that he’s ready to let go and move on, and parts of me believed it. We had spent good quality time together and began to see potential in each other. When I thought things were going great, he shocked me with some information. he told me apart of him wasn’t over it, and that it wouldn’t be fair to me if he couldn’t completely give himself to me with lingering thoughts of her. One day, I couldn’t take it anymore and said that I couldn’t be second best, guess that makes me a selfish person. He emotionally brokedown and told me that it wasn’t fair because as much as he wants to get over it, apart of him cannot. I feel for him because it was only about 2 months ago when they split. (It wasn’t pretty either). But here I am, the perfect girl, as he states, right in front of his eyes, but he still dwells on someone that he couldn’t be himself around and was unhappy with. I truly like him and see so much potential, but can’t help sometimes when we’re together to wonder, “is he thinking of her right this moment??” it hurts a lot.. and sometimes he can tell when something is bothering me.. I can’t ever admit it though. SO hereafter, he realized that he didn’t want the opportunity to lose me.. (of course) said he’d be stupid not to. He wanted to move forward with me and only me, even though he wasn’t completely over it. I was a sucker and fell for it. We talked about taking things day by day and nothing quite serious until it was time to. in the back of my head though, i feel like Im his crutch in his healing process and feel used and an option by default. How will i know that when the day comes when he sees her again and she miraculously wants him back, that he really would choose me..? I honestly don’t know, and that’s such an uneasy emotion. he says if they got back together, it’d never work, trying to build justification for me I guess.. but actions to me speak much louder. I want to look out for myself, but its so hard when you feel like you’re falling for someone. These feelings are rare to me to feel in the first place, and so when i Do, i want to hang on. your thoughts?

By: dj

dj — Thu, 23 Aug 2012 05:07:15 +0000

I’ve been seeing this guy for almost a year. He told me from the beginning he wasn’t over his ex; they were together for 8 years and he really loved her. And that he didn’t want anything real serious right away. I was recovering from a pretty horrible break-up myself, so I wasn’t looking for anything serious either. We agreed that if things went well, we would work on something more serious. He turned out to be this really great guy. Sweet, witty, fun, wonderful. Everything a girl looks for in a guy.
When we first met, we only saw each other once or twice a month, because our work schedules were so hectic. But the more we got to know each other, the more he made a point of spending more time with me. He goes out of his way to make sure I’m happy and if he thinks he did something to hurt my feelings, he gets very upset and tries very hard to make up for it. (despite the fact that I’ve told him over and over that he has never done anything to hurt me) A few times we have talked about the more serious relationship, but he said he wasn’t ready yet.
Recently we discussed it again, because I’m at a point that I know that I love this man. It was something I was afraid to admit to him, but the time had come to tell him how I felt. He told me that he still isn’t over her yet, and that although he really cared about me a lot, he couldn’t fully give his heart to me. He finally told me the details of their breakup and I admit, it was pretty horrible, what she did to him. I can understand how devastating it was to him. I told him if he wanted me to back off I would. So here’s the thing. He said no. He doesn’t want me to. He wants to keep seeing me. Even though he isn’t ready, he cares about me. He likes where things are going with us, he just isn’t as far along in the healing process as I am and needs more time; that he is trying to get over her. I know he is trying because more than once he has accidentally sent reply text that was meant for her to my phone instead. Every time she starts trying to talk to him again, he tells her to leave him alone; that he is trying to move on with his life and she needs to let him get over her. So he knows that she’s bad for him, but it still hurts.
He says that if we get too serious before he’s ready, it won’t work and both of us will end up getting hurt. And he’s right.
But here’s where I’m at. I’ve never met anyone like him. Nobody has ever treated me as good as him, and I’ve never been as happy as I have when I’m with him. In fact, he made me realize how unhappy I was until I met him. And he tries really hard to make sure I’m happy. He has forced me to move out of my comfort zone and take my life back. He is honest and upfront about everything with me, which is something that means a lot to me. Since our recent talk, when he talks about his future, he talks as though I will always be there in his life. This is new for him. These are all good things, I know. So my question is, do I keep being patient and let him work it out, or do I move on and find someone else? He says I make him happy and that when he’s ready to move forward, I am the woman he wants to do that with. I know that the more time we spend together, the more open he is with me. There is progress there. It’s just painfully slow. So do I allow us to keep going in the direction we’re going?

By: Dominique

Dominique — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 17:21:32 +0000

Right now i’m dating a guy that broke up with his gf of a year a while ago this relationship is the most stressful i’ve ever been in… his ex and him still talk and a month ago he told me that he still loved her but he wants to be with me. he still has pictures of her in his phone and I didn’t go through his messages because I was afraid of what i might find. His ex knows that they’re broken up and I check her facebook to see anything about the both of them and there’s nothing no evidence of him cheating or them still chatting in a flirtatious manner. If it was up to me I would cut him off from her completely but i know that it’s not my place too. i’ve brought this up a million times to him and it always ends up with us arguing that i don’t trust him and I’m too self-couscious. I’m at a wits end I don’t know if I have trust issues and i’m overreacting or is this something that i need to be worried about… things are already serious between us but I’m scared to go further into this knowing that he’s not over her . It’s just a big mess =/

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