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Will A Guy Wait To Have Sex
Ethan: Okay so I was talking to this guy for a few weeks and right after I told him I’m waiting to have sex til marriage he completely ignored me. Like didn’t call or text or see me ever again. But my question is: will guys that really love you wait for you? And is it better to have sex for the first time with someone experienced or the same as you?
First, the honest truth: the vast majority of American men (and women) engage in premarital sex. Combine this with the raging sexual drive of the pubescent male, and it becomes easier to foresee that a teenaged crush would bail at the first whiff of female chastity.
Ideally, a guy that’s interested in you for realsies shouldn’t have a problem with waiting for your relationship to develop before going all the way. He should realize that true love is founded in emotional connection, and that physical chemistry can be established in activities short of sex. Still, in the future you might want to refrain from announcing a commitment to abstinence until the relationship further solidifies, not only because it can shut down less mature guys, but because your beliefs may evolve with time as well. Even if casual sex might forever be out of the question, many unwed couples eventually desire more intimacy and decide to lose their virginity in a monogomous relationship.
Finn waited for Rachel to be ready...
My first time was with my equally inexperienced high school girlfriend, and while both of us sustained multiple awkward injuries (“You’re crushing my arm!”), knowing we were on the same level took the pressure off of performance. On the other hand, an experienced partner—while potentially more intimidating—can help guide you through your first time. So there’s really no prototype for the ideal first lover – their level or lack of proficiency is much less important than how comfortable you feel with the person in general.
But ultimately, if you’d definitely prefer to wait until marriage, then forget about the neanderthal. Find a more mature guy to love you for who you are. In the end, when to have sex is entirely your decision, and you need to be with someone who will respect your wishes (and, hopefully, is really good at making out).
Good luck!
Ethan
Confused about a guy? Wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Ethan, email him at askaguy@gurl.com!
Should you wait for him to say ‘I love you’ first?
Will A Guy Wait To Have Sex
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Mean Girls Quiz! 
I’m 16 and I’m waiting till marriage. I also got a boyfriend about a month ago, I told him the night we met that I was waiting till marriage and he told me that he’d already had sex. He says he respects my decision and I’m glad he does. Some guys don’t mind it
yes. My boyfriend did. We mean the world to each other and he said that he would wait untill i was 110% ready. He said he would always be there for me and as long as you trust him, he will most definatly wait for you
Nas:I told him am not ready for sex until i married now he is disturbing me wit having sex with him,now he is angry with me and he married with one dautgher and ilove him so much what should i do?
So my boyfriend and I have been dating for more than 2 years and have been in a relationship for about a year and 2 months. We are currently both 16 years old. When we began our relationship it progressed very quickly, but we have not had sex. After the first few months we slowed things down and promised each other that we wouldn’t make love until both of us are 110% ready for it. This upcoming winter break I am going with his family on a vacation. We have talked about possibly having sex for the first time on vacation. We both love each other so very much but he has told me that he is fully ready to commit for making love. I however know in the back of my head that I am ready too but I don’t want to regret anything or feel guilty for having had sex at the age of 16.
Thanks-Victoria
Your advice has just given me hope. Am most grateful. GOD BLESS YOU
Oh & he brings it up TOO OFTEN tht im to the point where im frustrated but he says he just voices his opinion bout it … He still treats me sweet , nice , says he loves me & buys me stuff after itold him my decision . He’s had at least 4 sexual partners before me . We were at times where we were REALLY CLOSE to doing it bt I didnt feel ready . So when isaid stop he was sexually frustrated bt he did & didnt go further . Afterwards still kissed , played around &l hugged me , & said he love me …. Didn’t seem tht mad . Idk he’s the 1st real boyfriend I’ve had so alot of situations idk what to do
Ethan
I am 15 my boyfriend is 16 he’s not a virgin but I am . I want to wait til marriage , he says he respects that but his actions shows otherwise . Although he could just be voicing his opinion Idk . We’ve been dating A year & 2 months now been in a relationship for 1 month . He just says we need sexual love in our relationship also cuss he thinks it will better our relationship..& nt having sex bothers him a little cuss its been a while .
then don’t do it if he really loves you he wait as long as it takes.
well im a guy. im one of those guys that is very patient with girls. i am currently dating a virgin (im a virgin also myself). we both love each other very much (we started out as friend and grew closer and closer) but there always is a problem when dealing with virgins. they tend to take things slow. and i understand that you should take it slow. but they tend to take it really slow. and im not even asking for sex yet,lets worry about third base before we go home haha. and it sucks cause im trying to be patient with her but im getting frustrated. things are progressing way too slowly. i know that moving too fast will destroy a relationship but also taking things really slow will also kill it too. so basically the only advice i can really give is that be careful cause if you are patient, you will be frustrated at sometimes like me. and i hate to say this but i have given her an ultimatum of 4 months to show some progression. otherwise i may have to break up with her.
and realize guys….that its okay to break up with a girl this way. you might look like a douche but id rather be called a douche than be miserable and frustrated. Feeling guilty over this is like being ashamed about being a man
So, I’ve been with this guy for a couple months now, and I’ve known him for 3 years prior to us getting together, he and I have both agreed that we want to take the next step and start having sex…but I’m not sure how to tell him that I’m a virgin. I know he isn’t and that he’ll still wait for me, I just don’t know how to tell him…any advice?
Just tell him girl. Don’t be afraid if he likes you the way you like him then he will understand. Hope you like the advice
sex is very important! which is why i’m going 2 wait till i’m married! aamof i absolutley detest the way alotta guys use us n treat us like “things” instead of human beings! ethan made a couple good points but the thing is if a guy can’t respect my beliefs about sex r anything… why would i wanna b with him!!!?
I think if he loves you, he’ll wait as long as you want, and even more. I dated my current boyfriend for 8 months, and it was both of our first times. He wanted to make sure that I was okay with doing that and wasn’t pressured… he never was too pushy about sex. I am so glad I lost it with him because it wasn’t rushed, and I know that what we did was out of love. Another couple who started dating 5 days before us were having sex within 3 weeks, and were both virgins… their relationship ended really badly because of sex after 6 months and I’m still dating my bf(:
My advice is to WAIT. (it will be hard, no pun intended)
Not until marriage, unless that’s what you want, but until you love someone. I almost lost my virginity just to “get it over with” and am so happy I didn’t. YOU WILL REGRET THIS if you do. Even if you’re 30, wait until you find someone who cares about you and maybe loves you, because it will be so much more special. Especially if you wait more than 4-5 months, so you really know this person and can start to visualize a future. So that way you know if you do end up being with this guy, it won’t be based on sex.
I’m a guy, and I’m waiting for marriage. It’s actually my girlfriend who’s pressuring ME, not the other way around. Which makes me feel very disrespected. I’d say it depends on how he’s pressuring you. If he’s issuing you an ultimatum (i.e., “If you don’t put out for me, I’m dumping you”), then dump him first. He’s not worth dirt. But if he’s just frustrated and voicing his concerns, with no intention of acting out without your consent (which is what my girlfriend is doing), I’d stay stick with him.
But whatever you do, don’t give up your virginity before marriage. There’s no point.
Hey Nick,
Thanks for your input. I definitely agree with you about guys who give ultimatums — that’s the sign of someone not worth dating. However, I do believe whether a girl wants to have sex before marriage or not is her choice, and there’s nothing wrong with her choosing to do so. When to have sex is a personal decision, different for everyone!
Thanks again though,
-Ethan
I believe the most important thing is love, and if you find a guy that truly loves you, he’ll think you are totally worth the wait. I’ve met a million jerks who didn’t care enough, but then I met my current boyfriend (3 years in March <3) and he was as far from what i expected to fall in love with as could be. He had slept around and never wanted anything serious, but we became bestfriends and it was soon him chasing me. I finally fell for him but made it very clear that I wanted to wait a while till I was completely comfortable. I'm bisexual and was very nervous about having sex with a guy for the first time, cause I felt more comfortable with women. But he said he didn't care, he was going to wait as long as needed. And he didn't even bail when I was finally ready. he didnt have sex and walk out the door. He was adorable and sweet, and even though he was way more experienced, he just didnt mind and laughed when i laughed and went along with whatever i did to make me comfy. Now we've been tobgether 3 years and I'm so glad he waited for me <3
Wow, that’s a great success story, Bex — thanks for sharing! Glad you could find a true gentleman who was able to respect your wishes. He sounds like a keeper.
Here’s to ANOTHER 3 years with him!
-Ethan
Hey, I have liked this guy for s long time and when I finally told him he liked me back. The problem is nothing has happened what-so-ever since then… What should I do??
Hey Emma,
It’s time to make a move! Ask him out specifically for a date, and then he hopefully he should be the one to reciprocate (with a first kiss, perhaps?).
Let me know what happens…
-Ethan
Ethan:
My boyfriend and I will have been together a year this June and I will be turning 15 in a few months and he will be turning 18 a month after mine. He has had sex with 4 other girls before and one he didn’t even know her last name. I want him to get tested so I asked him he said it would be pointless because he doesn’t have anything and always used a condom but I am still unsure. I am a virgin so I am nervous as it is and I don’t wanna be number 5 and then he be done with me.
Hey Symantha — I’m glad you wrote here…. I’ve actually posted about a situation similar to yours before:
http://www.gurl.com/advice-boyfriend-std-test/
Check that out and let me know if it helps!
Thanks so much for reading,
Ethan
Hey Ethan, What does the guy do in this situation? I love my girlfriend, but she recently told me to wait something around 10 years because that’s when she thinks she’ll be ready for marriage. I’m 20 and we’ve been dating just a couple of months
Good question, my fellow guy. As I mentioned above, things often change as the relationship intensifies, so I wouldn’t even think about it for a little bit. Who knows where you guys will be in a few more months? Not only will the relationship continue to grow, but both of your personal thoughts and opinions on the matter may change as well. If, after you’ve been together for a much longer period of time, the “no sex til marriage” thing is still a dealbreaker for you, it might require a longer, open conversation. Check back with me then!
-Ethan
Allright…Ill keep that in mind, thanks =]
Thanks Sade, I really appreciate the advice. Im definitely going to ask him to get tested before we take our relationship to that next level. And I totally agree with you about how you said sex should not be taken lightly. I’ve been thinking about it for a while now and I know to take other safety precautions allong with the test. I love him and I trust him, I just needed that extra reassurance. Thanks again girl
Hi Ethan,
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year now and I feel like I’m ready to take our relationship to the next level (sex). I’m a virgin but my boyfriend has been with more than a few girls. One of them he didn’t even use a condom with. I love him a lot and he has never had a problem with waiting on me or never pressured me in any kind of way because he wanted me to feel like I was completely ready to have sex with him. My only problem is that I keep thinking about the girls he’s been with previously and before I have sex with him, I want to know the nicest possible way i can ask him to get tested just so I can have some peace of mind. Am i being paranoid? I’m 18 and he’s 21 by the way.
No you’re not being paranoid. 21 is a serious age with more freedom than that of an 18 year old. Tell him you want him to get tested and let him know why. You can even get tested with him to ease him up and get info on yourself. He should be able to understand, if not then don’t waste your time sleeping with a risk. And make sure this is something you want before heading into it. Sex shouldn’t be handled lightly. If it could be, serious consequences would’nt be the end result.
Hey Sequoia,
I just answered your question in my latest post — check it out here:
http://www.gurl.com/advice-boyfriend-std-test/
Thanks for contributing, and good luck!
-Ethan
I am currently dating a friend from my high school for almost 5 months. hei very caring, loving and very attached to me. I met him 7 years after HS graduation. He seems very respectful and patient with me. He knows how to make me happy and he can deal with my mood and anger and emotion and love. He never asked for sex by force. He mentioned tonight “if u r ready we can have sex, only if u want, no force” . I have no interest to have sex now till marriage…he wants to marry me after he has a good and decent job and thus he is preparing himself. He respects my family and esp my mother because he misses his mom who is back home.. we love each other..he says sorry when he makes me upset or we r both sad or I am angry about smth..he just knows how to resolve them nicely and patiently.. He is so far amazing.. he loves to kiss me and keep me happy as much as he can..he makes sure I always look happy and stay healthy,,he cares for me. he has some friends who dont kind of like me after they realized our relationship.. he has some female friends who had crush on him and somethimes they bother him by calling or texting, but he shares some stories about these girls when they contact him..I told him to change his number and he said he will do that soon after he leaves his current job because some of these people stay nearby and they might get this new number from hsi coworker smth..he keeps them away from us. he is tryng his best to establish himself academically and professionally..idk if his interest about sex is decent or bad although he is not pushing for it..is he being just nice with me or being very committed..PLEASE EXPLAIN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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