Rant: Don’t Call Me A Slut. Don’t Call Her One Either.


slut shaming

Easy A took slut shaming head-on. I only saw part of it, because I was making out with my BF the whole time. True fact.

I’ve had enough and am finally saying something about it. The words “slut,” “ho,” “whore,” and all other colorful variations on the theme have got to go.

Want to judge me? Maybe pick on my bossiness (trying to work on it, I swear!), or how I can get ultra competitive to a point where it’s maybe not fun for everybody anymore (another thing I’m trying to tone down!)–but do not, ever, judge me on what I choose to do or not do sexually with my body. You know why? Because my body is mine, my choices are mine, and all of it is none of your business.

It’s bad enough when men try to tear us down this way–since of course there’s that lovely little double standard where guys can be “studs” but girls are trash if they aren’t virgins–but when women do it to each other? Girls calling other girls sluts? It makes me want to tear my hair out.

Sing it, sister!

Our moms and our moms’ friends and lots of other amazingly strong women that I’ll never have the privilege to meet fought really hard in the ’50s, ’60s, and ’70s for women to have the right to enjoy sex rather than to just submit to it for some dude’s pleasure. Did you know that there was a time when teachers (even married ones!) would get fired if they became pregnant because they were “bad role models” for their students? Crazy, right?! The women’s movement changed that and a whole lot of other screwed up stuff. But when you call another girl a slut, it’s like you’re erasing all that progress and telling the world you don’t think women should have control over their own bodies.

If you're not a judge, stop judging!

If a girl wants to sleep with a ton of different dudes, that’s absolutely her business! Who is she hurting–especially if they’re having safe sex, and she’s honest with everybody? And I know a lot of you are thinking, “But there was this one girl who slept with my boyfriend–she’s a slut for sure!” Sorry to break it to you, honey, but you’re wrong. Her having sex wasn’t what she did that was wrong–having sex with your boyfriend was the real crime. “Slut” isn’t the accurate term for that. “Backstabbing idiot” is far more fitting. Try to be precise.

Nobody should be made to feel guilty or ashamed about having sex. Our bodies are beautiful, and one of the billions of awesome things they can do is have sex. If you choose not to have sex–that’s great, because that’s your decision! I totally respect that, as do a lot of other people. But that doesn’t give you the right to play Judge Judy and get your panties all in a knot over what some other girl did (or that you heard she did–rumors are vicious!) in her bedroom.

So let’s play nice. Here on Gurl.com and in real life–at school, at the mall, at work. We all know it’s hard enough to be a girl without being slut-shamed, so just give it a break, okay?

Have you ever been called a slut, or have you called another girl a slut and feel bad about it? Tell us everything in the comments.

Now, here are ten super cute date ideas!


Posted in: Being Yourself, Beliefs, Health, Sex & Relationships, Love&Sex, Sex, Spotlight On, Uncategorized, Virginity, Your Body, Your Life
Tags: , , , , , ,

94 Comments

  1. avatarZoe says:

    This is amazing! I’m 15, and in the last two years I’ve been slut shamed more than anyone I know. Not only does it suck to be judged for something that is legally your decision, but honestly, is calling someone a “slut” any different from calling someone “fat”? I have had enough of this stupid name-calling, and the fact that adults even continue to do it is so immature. There are young girls out there committing suicide over being slut shamed! More awareness should definitely be brought to this type of bullying because it is so commonly done. I for one am not taking this kind of torture anymore!

  2. avatarJess says:

    I think it’s wrong to slut shame, but at the same time….what about prude shaming? I have found that you have a lot of articles on sex being okay…but the ones encouraging abstinence are few and far between. One of your recent articles referred to Tim Tebow’s celibacy as “prudeness”. And I think that’s wrong. While we should respect girls right to sex, we also should respect girls right to NOT have sex. And I think that’s really lacking on this site. Where’s the support for those girls who want to go against the norm and not have sex? Disappointed.

    • avataranonymous says:

      I feel quite similar, while having sex in college and high school has become more and more popular, I feel like it is still way too young. I see articles on this website saying how “they waited until 21 to have sex?!? incredible!” but in reality i think that was a smart decision. If I can, I think I want to wait until marriage to have sex, and I feel so much opposition to that coming from this website and my peers.

  3. avatarSuzy says:

    PREACH IT SISTER! This is the best thing I have ever read.

  4. avatarMissAnimeFreak says:

    A dude in my class called m a slut once. I’m a 13 year old virgin. What. The. Cucumber.

  5. avatarIku says:

    Yes I understand what you are trying to say but 15 year olds should not be having sex. We need to learn to respect ourselves when it comes to doing whatever we want with our bodies. I mean what if someone had like 20 sex partners? And you expect no one to judge them? You would judge them. Just people need to learn to respect themselves and other people.

    • avataryummygurl says:

      So….from what you are saying, anyone with multiple partners are disrespecting themselves. Wherever did you get that notion that sex is associated with disrespect? How naive or rather how ignorant is that comment of yours. Just because you dont have an opportunity for sex or cant get it or are not attractive to boys or girls for that matter, you judge others who are having sex? How dumb are you??
      How ridiculous you sound by trying to be superior and opinionated about others sex lives.
      Who says that 15 yr olds should NOT be having sex? Where is that law? Why do you think we start our periods at 12 or 13? It means you are ready you dumb ass. What one chooses to do with that is their business and NOT for you to be calling them sluts.
      You are the do gooders who need to be lined up and stoned..
      The ones that judge are the unattractive, fugly, fat, dumb ones who would love to have sex but cannot get any. The pretty, sexy ones are taken up very quickly. The law of attraction and chemistry

      • avatarGina says:

        You are so right, yummygurl, except for the stoning! The girls who wait and refuse to have sex and who judge those of us who do are really punished enough by not experiencing the wonderful , the magnificent pleasure that sex with a man can give. I have both oral and intercourse sex as often as I can and I initiatea lot of it myself!. I will do it whenever asked by ANY GUY I TRUSTso I am always gettin g offers!!!!

      • avatarCourtney says:

        Coming from a 24 year old who became sexually active at age 16, I disagree with you. When you are 15 or 16 you aren’t mentally mature enough to handle sex. I am speaking from experience too. You may think that sex is just sex, but it is way more than that. When you are older you will hopefully realize this as well. When you give your body to somebody, you become apart of them. It should be something special between two people who really care about each other, or it means nothing. Trust me, it is so much better when it is too. I wish I would have realized this when I was younger. I wouldn’t have gave myself to people who didnt deserve me. Just the way you talk about it makes me believe you domt respect yourself (yes it is about respect!) if you respected yourself then you’d realize that you have so much more to give than your body. There are plenty of ugly, fat sluts out there too. Being beautiful has nothing to to with it. If you loved yourself, then you’d have enough self respect NOT to sleep around. Maybe those people just have more self respect than you do?

        • avatarKayTee says:

          Your experience is not everyone’s experience. You state your opinions
          “It should be something special between two people who really care about each other, or it means nothing.” as fact and that is the problem with slut-shaming. Your personal opinion is that sexual relationships “should” (key word in identifying an opinion rather than a fact) be with someone you care about. You even go so far as to say the sex will be better. This is all just from your experience and so you state it as fact. Unfortunately for you and your argument, there are many women (older and far more experienced than you, like myself) who completely 100% disagree. Which is why your statements are nothing more than the musings of a 24-year-old than got hurt when she was younger and decided to blame it on being too sexually involved too early and now tells everyone that will listen about her horrible sexual experiences and that anyone who disagrees is disrespecting themself. Sounds like close-minded conservative/reglious brain washing to me… but that’s just my opinion ;)

        • avatarMolly says:

          That’s an opinion. If you want to have sex and you enjoy it, fine, go have a good time.

    • avatarLB says:

      You are missing the point. Why should you care if someone who is NOT you has had sex with 20 partners?

    • avatarGina says:

      I have had sex with twenty four men and I am not a slut. I enjoy giving and receiving pleasure orally and through intercourse. My closest girlfriends think of me as a “female stud” and ask me which guys would give them the most pleasure and I tell them honestly which guys will do the best to take care of the woman’s sex needs. I have also hooked them up with guys and even had a few threesome with a few of my girlfriends. If a man has lots of partners he is considered a “HERO”. A woman should be considered a “HEROINE” unless you agree to the old double standard! I respect myself and so do my friends both male and female.

    • avatarKatie says:

      The more people say this, the more I laugh at how self respect is supposed to be reflective of everyone else’s respect of you but your own. You can respect yourself however you’d like, and other people can define what is respectful to them. Nothing about sex is INHERENTLY disrespectful to the self. Disrespecting yourself is making choices that don’t make you happy. It’s that simple. What’s the difference between 20 sex partners and having sex 100 times with your boyfriend?

  6. avatarDominique. says:

    I get called a slut because I told my friend that I had sex. Well the thing people don’t know is that I was raped In the 8th grade. The sad thing is I have a lot of guy’s hitting on and I start to like them. Just to find out they only want sex. </3

  7. avatarBunnie says:

    Well,I love this article, because someone finally addressed this issue. I read the comments and see, most are virgins that are shamed. As you can see im 15, but I am not a virgin. Nor have I had “numerous partners”, and my sex life (don’t have one at the moment) moment is put on blast.my story is quite complicated and chances are if no one heard mt side of the story I would be seen as a slut. Everytime I hear the word, I cringe. It is such a horrible word. Even those who have numerous partners, its none of my(or yours) business, so why judge? Sex is the ultimate form of love to me, maybe not so much to others.but thats their life, not mine. Now, about boyfriends.i wouldn’t call her a slut, I couldn’t hate her. She may be a jerk, but my boyfriend had also been apart of it too. If she did something to him, other words would come into play, but not “slut”. They call a girl at my school a slut. Why? They talk about rumors and say it’s true, they weren’t there. Why would they be, either way, its none of anyone’s damn business what she, or anyone, does. Thats my thoughts.

  8. avatarAbby says:

    people call me a slut alot.i hate the way it feels:(

  9. avatarSiera345 says:

    People at skool are always calling me a slut and a whore and my counselor tells me there just jelous about me being a virgin

  10. avatarNaomi says:

    I have been being called a ho, slut, and whore at church because I brok up with the pastors son and the same day I had another boyfriend. I haven’t ever had sex or anything so I really don’t understand why they are calling me that stuff. To be honest with you it is making me hate church and I know that’s not good. :/ I feel like an out cast there because I am the only girl in the you that actually looks like a female and the are calling me that stuff just because they are jealous. I have all of the guys by me all of the time. I don’t like it, I don’t want it that way. I can’t even get the guys to hook up with my friends because they say I’m so “sexy”. It just gives me a complex and actually makes me feel like a slut. I am tired of it. Yeah, sometimes I enjoy having all of the guys with me but I also feel bad later. Even my best friend is calling me a slut, AND SHE’S THE ONE THAT GOT CAUGHT MAKEING OUT BEHIND THE CHURCH!!! I have never even kissed anyone. I have been kissed but I didn’t kiss back because the guy was an absolute freak( the pastors son)

  11. avatarLexi says:

    Ok people call me a slut bc I wear red lipgloss and a hoe for wearing short shorts and this year my ex boyfriend called me a penny bc I’m in everybody’s pant first off I have been single for 10 months and Im still a virgin I haven’t even had my first kiss

  12. avatarAwkwardActress says:

    I totally agree. No girl, not even your school ‘s biggest “slut”, deserves to be labeled at patronized for her own personal business. Just because you wouldn’t do it, doesn’t mean she can’t. Highschool is like a demented petri dish for all this childish name-calling and behind-your-back insults. It’s discusting the way some people treat one another.

    • avatarGina says:

      AwkwardActress, NO GIRL IS EVER A SLUT!! Put the double standard to rest! Certainly not ["your school ‘s biggest “slut”].

  13. avatarRuth says:

    I’ve never been called a slut b4(and dat’s b’cos am not 1) but I’ve called some ladies/girls sluts, and if you think its none of my bizwax well it is ’cause being a slut is a disgrace to womanhood/ladyhood/teen age…or whatever u wanna call it….am a virgin and proud of it(am 16…and well in this case one can say’its my body not yours)…X

    • avatarMary says:

      I’m a virgin too but calling girls slurs is plain wrong, like she said in the article men have been doing that just to harm us and pull us down just so they can use us for what they like. Being hurtful to someone is a disgrace to not only womanhood but mankind. Well all have sex most likely in our life time so why judge someone just because they did it before you? It’s my personal goal to wait til I’m married or least in a stable commited relationship with someone I love, but other girls want to do it know with their boyfriend. It’s not up to you or anyone to judge what they’ve done in the privacy of wherever they were.

  14. avatarMunecita258 says:

    Okay I understand some girls are cool with sex before marriage, but a girl who takes pride in having sex with multiple guys I would question their intelligence. I do object to calling who hangs out with guys a slut, but if the girl is being obviously flirty and all over a bunch a guys then it just looks bad on both the dude an the girl.

    • avatarLittleRedWolf says:

      Should you brag about it? Probably not, since that’s sharing your private, intimate business with everyone. But it doesn’t make you a slut. Nor does sleeping with a fair number of people mean you are going around taking pride in it, or doing it just to say you did. Most women who sleep around do it for the same reason guys do: for pleasure. As long as they are being safe, and know what it is when it happens (“This is a one-night stand, we’re hooking up for pleasure, and we both know it”), then there is no problem.

      • avatarDejah says:

        Why is okay for guys to share their private life, intimate business with everyone, but girls cant?

    • avatarGina says:

      Munecita258, I made straight A’s all through high and was valadictorian of my class.In highschool I had sex with eighteen different guys in school but now am up to twenty four (I’m eighteen years old). I only have sex with guys I trust and I would NEVER say NO to any of the guys I have sex with. It is fun! It is clean! It is extremely pleasurable! And the guys love it too!! You are missing out on a whole lot of fantasticfun if you can’t find good clean trustworthy guys to have sex with!!!! I get a lot of dates and I call a lot of guys to initiate sex.

  15. avatarElise says:

    I was with my (future) bf sitting in the library with some friends. My recent ex came upstairs with his jerky friends, walked by and called me a slut. I stood up, looked at the future bf, smiled, looked at the ex and slapped him. I called him out on all his bull and yelled very loudly. Then I walked away and said “3 inch dick”.
    I proceeded to walk away with my head held high… then went and cried by my locker. Future bf came and consoled me. 4 weeks later he and I began dating.

    • avatarArtemis95 says:

      I am a virgin waiting to marriage and what could be considered very conservative, but I tend to be very accepting when other girls don’t make the same decision. Just because I don’t feel comfortable with it doesn’t mean everyone feels the same way. I do think that you shouldn’t just jump into bed with just anyone, or do it too quickly. I do view that as immoral. Still, I won’t just go and insult a girl about it. The strange thing is, I’ve been called both a prude and a slut. I’m nowhere near what could be considered a stereotypical tomboy, but I have A LOT of platonic male friends, and people assumed I have sex with them. I’ve never even kissed one of them! Then when they found out how inexperienced I really was, I got a reputation as the school’s ice-queen. Either way, I can’t win!

      • avatarLittleRedWolf says:

        It is sad how (especially in high school), girls cannot win no matter what. No sex? Prude, ice queen, tease, etc. Has sex? Doesn’t matter if it’s with her committed BF or a few guys she isn’t dating, she becomes a slut, easy, whatever you want to call it. It’s really unfortunate, especially because for guys, it’s pretty black and white. When they’re virgins, they get teased about it, but once they have sex, they’re hailed as heroes, and the more girls they get in bed with, the better they are. It’s a double-standard and totally not fair, at ALL.
        I’m glad I now go to a school (college) that’s more mature and doesn’t care at all what you do (the fact that it’s in SF doesn’t hurt, either).

    • avatarArtemis95 says:

      1.) Good comeback
      2.) Your new guy seems AWESOME

Leave Your Comment

Your email address will not be published.

*

*