Hey You: A Note For Girls Dealing With Crappy Drama (And Who Isn’t?!)

i am depressed

Two facts: 1) Life is crazy hard sometimes. 2) You are strong.

Hey You,

I know sometimes things are actually beyond sucksville. Even if you’re putting on a brave face in public–at home or in the bathroom stall or wherever you can be alone–life can seem so unbearable that it feels like you could just dissolve with frustration and anger.

That whole nauseated, wanting to throw stuff, but then realizing even that won’t help anything feeling? Been there.

Which brings me to my main point: no matter how terrible things are, please please know that you are not alone in this.

We've all felt this way.

If you ever, even for a minute, think there’s no one to turn to, take a deep breath and try to remember that all of us girls (even grown up girls) are dealing with or have dealt with something that seems way bigger than us–it’s just that we all deal with it in our own ways so you can’t always tell.

The truth is that someone else (and probably a lot of someone elses) has gone through crap very similar to what you’re going through right now and made it out on the other side, super glad that she did.

We can't give cupcakes so much credit.

It might sound totally impossible, but you (smart, brave, fantastic you is still in there somewhere, I know it!) can get through this–and you don’t have to do it alone. If you can’t talk to your parents or friends, or it seems like nobody’s really hearing you, you can still get help. If you or someone you care about is up against something overwhelming, you can get help from a counselor at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, anytime day or night.

You’re absolutely not alone and there are so many of us who believe in you. I can’t say that everything will ever be totally perfect (that’s not what life is), but it won’t be this bad forever. Pinky swear.

With love (and strength),
Your editors at Gurl

 

Have you ever survived something super hard? Tell us about it in the comments

If a friend is saying scary or suicidal things on Facebook, here’s what you should do.


Posted in: Being Yourself, Body Image, Friends & Family, Help&Advice, Just the Facts, Mental Health Facts, News & Reviews, Spotlight On, Sucky Emotions, Uncategorized, Your Life
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  • Sabrina

    I used to cut and now I’m getting better. All I need to work on now is actually eating something…

  • sara

    i know i am mentally ill. i am depressed, i also think i have borderline personality disorder. it has effected me to the point of becoming an unemployed dropout. i do not have a phone to call a hotline. my mom doesn’t believe i’m mentally sick. i don’t go to school to talk to a counselor. i am reaching out for help. please, someone talk to me. i just need some sort of guidance. i don’t have a car to take myself to the doctor, even then i don’t have health insurance. i am stuck. i don’t have the emotional stability to keep a job, to go to school, to even eat. it has been this way for years.

  • k

    I’ve never been bullied but at the same time, I’ve always been bullied. I’m so hard on myself and expect perfection all the time and if I’m not, I punish myself. This can be skipping meals, self harming or pushing my friends away. I’m so lucky to have them otherwise chances are, I wouldn’t be here anymore. Last week a boy my age who went to a different school to me but was in the same area committed suicide and all I could think was ‘that could’ve been me’. I also saw how badly it affected some of the girls who knew him and I realised that people wouldn’t be happy to see me dead as I’d always thought but might actually even miss me. I’m a ‘happy’ girl who leads a rather privileged life and am an only child. My parents walked in on me writing a suicide note, that was when I got counselling, it was my saviour and I’ve been much better since. However I’m still not out of the woods yet but there’s a definite improvement in me and I’m not as angry a I used to be

  • AwkwardActress

    I’d like to take a moment to talk to you, all of you, anyone who reads this. No matter how deep in a rut you get, no matter how many people tease you, pick on you, or spread nasty rumors about you, no matter how many friends decide they don’t want to talk to you anymore, or leave you to hang out with your worst enemy, no matter how many people close to you pass away, there is always sunshine at the end of the dark tunnel. You are never alone. The weight of the world is not on your shoulders and no matter what happens, you will get through it. You are beautiful, you are perfect, you are one-of-a-kind. You are yourself, and nothing anyone says or does, including yourself, can change that fact. A good friend of mine once told me that whatever people say, no one can change the way you feel. If you smile and walk like nothing bothers you, you’re not hiding your feelings, you’re getting rid of them. Snide comments from jerky onlookers won’t effect you if you don’t let it. Be strong, embrace who you are, and everytime you look in the mirror, remind yourself. You are Beautiful.
    By the way, I’m 15. If I can do it, you can 🙂

    • relatablegurl05

      This was so cute and inspiring! Thank you 🙂

  • Ella

    I am a self-harmer. But I made a promise to my mom that i would be done, because it didn’t help. i havent cut since.

  • Payton

    in the past three weeks i have had to deal with one of my best friends also someone who i was about to go out with death, my dogs death, losing my other bestfriend cus of a fight, a rumor that it was my fault that my died, plus school and i have a play tomorrow i feel like im going to explode and i havent even been myself latley

  • Isabelle

    I was going trough hard stuff last year, and the year before.
    In fact, gurl helped me a lot. Helped me keep my head out of the water, so i wouldn’t drown.
    Anyways, i didn’t know hot to deal with all my sucky feelings about myself and the rest of the world. I had a shitty year, because of two of my friends, a girl and a guy. Let’s say they wanted to have, uhh, too much fun with me.
    So for every girl that has been pushed down, or pushed away, or pushed to hard, don’t give up, keep trying to get a hold on that feeling of happiness you used to know. Keep trying to find someone that will listen and don’t keep it all in you.
    And dont forget, you’re not alone <3

  • Cayla

    My friend, Logan, Hates me for some strange reason….i don’t know why though 🙁
    She keeps ignoring me, i ask friends. But they don’t know what i did either D:

    WHAT DO I DO BRO?!?!?

  • Christine

    yeah. ive been going through a rough patch with my firends
    after we had a fight. and we all just stopped being firends
    but not for too long im friends with some of them now
    but its like they still talk about me behing my back
    and say horrible things to the friends who couldnt forgive
    and move on. and my heart always hurts
    when the never want me around or they even say something to me
    because that bond is gone and it feels like at anymore those slim friendships
    can turn as thin as air and dissapear

  • MmmBubble

    Wow. This article (and these comments) almost brought me to tears. I know this comment probably won’t be read by many of you because of its length, but I still need to vent. And hopefully shed some light on someone else’s situation if their’s is similar. The summer of 2003, I was molested by someone in my family whom I’m very close to. He was a raging alcoholic and drunk when he did it. And every time he tried after that. I’ve forgiven him completely. I know what he did wasn’t right and it haunts me everyday, but the only way I could get relief from the trauma was to forgive him. It was hard. I had to speak up to someone. It was way harder to keep the secret. I hid it from everyone for seven years. My advice to any girl, or boy, suffering in a similar situation: Please, PLEASE, for the love of all things holy and delicious, talk to someone. Someone real who you trust. It helps to let it out and forgive. <3

  • Marie

    I really don’t know what to do anymore, my only 2 friends I had in school are now ignoring me too and the worst part is I don’t even know why. Whenever I try to go up to them, they run away so I can’t even ask them. I don’t want to have to continue this year and the next standing by the fence every recess by myself. Thank you for this, it did cheer me up a little though

    • Isabel

      I’m so sorry you have to go through that. It sucks when your friends leave you, and it sucks even more when they don’t have the decency to tell you why. I’m fourteen years old, and I have had my fair share of girl drama (who hasn’t?) but I’ve also had my fair share of strength once I got through the rough spaces. Hang in there. Things will get better, and I promise you that this sucky phase is just that–a phase. Remember that there are still people that love you, and that you are a strong, beautiful girl that will move beyond this. And hey, if you ever become famous, you’ll have one heck of a childhood story to tell. And millions of people will listen to that story and look up to you.

  • BabyGirl

    When I was two, my parents got a divorce, so I was REALLY emotional when in 4th and 5th grade. I would get teased for being a ‘Cry Baby’ and a nerd and everything else you can imagine! It was really hard cuz i was already goin through a lot!

  • Sophia

    ok so I have more of a crush drama . I think I am starting to give up on this sick game me and my best guy friend have we have been having a friends with flirting benefits. He was asked to Tolo by this girl who is part of a group of girls who dislike me and he said no to her . I dont know what to do anymore , idk if I should take some of his flirtatious acts seriuos or not .. idk if i want to move on because i want to be more then friends with him . What should I do ? ( I am not going to ask him though cuz i dont want to be the one who makes things awkward..)

  • EverEvanescent

    i go through tons of drama, my best friend is a sorta-slut, and hangs out with these really slutty girls all the time. she has a boyfriend, and is happy&confident. i don’t and it makes me really depressed, i’m 5’2″ and i weigh 117 pounds, and feel really fat(even though i’m not). i wish people would like me and i was prettier.

  • Jessie

    I get bullied day after day by this group of kids that I used to hang out with at my school. They hated me because only the heavens know why, and one came up with a new lame reason every week. I mean, i was too loud in class, she got mad… LITERALLY!! One that I thought was my friend hated me because I got to being to good of friends with the guy she liked. I told her a million times that we were only friends, but she didn’t seem to believe me. I mean, this guy is a total cute nice person, but I could never picture being more than friends with him, because he is like a brother to me, and he’s my only friend going to the same highschool as me in August.

    After they stopped talking to me, I just changed friends, and honey Im glad I am because those girls are so terrible and awful and all they ever do is gossip. I honestly can’t believe that I was ever friends with them! They talk trash about me every day and one pretends to be my friend because we play on the same soccer team, but every time she hangs out with the other people, she’s totally mean to me. She is so two faced, and uses me, and I’m just done with all of it. But if I ignore her, that’ll only make matters worse because, well, shes captain of our soccer team, and im asst. captain.

    Today at school, the other girl made a snyde comment about me when i was standing right there, and it took literally every effort in my body not to punch that girl in the face, because she thinks that she is so much better than me. Then, when walking by me, she tilted her body so she hit me with her backpack and by then I lost it. After she left, I just started bawling because I have been dealing with this crap for over two months, and I never even do anything to them. The teacher of the classroom I was standing in asked what’s wrong, and I had to tell her, so luckily, it was my favorite teacher, but the gym teacher was there too, and while I was sobbing into the gym teacher’s shoulder about how much the girls bully me, he just brought up how I need to have better goal keeping skills for our first game on Monday.

    I really wish that they would just start leaving me alone because I work my but off to get good grades, and be good at the things I do, and people like them add so much stress and unecissary drama, and I’m really just ready for the school year to be over, and to go to highschool. I go to a charter school right now, so I am in the same classes with these people all day every day, so there is no way in getting away from them. Everyday I sit with my small group of friends, and literally just try to hide away while those girls rag about me to my friend that is in the group, the one that they hate me for being friends with in the first place.

    Everybody says not to let these girls get to me, but sometimes it is so hard when you have to sit in their shadows all day, and listen to them be the loudest kids in the class while classes take longer since they are a huge amount of our class, and never get anything done so teachers always have to push back due dates and whatnot. I know that none of this probably makes sense but the main part is is that these girls are bullying me, and I can’t get away from it, and I just needed a place to vent

  • tilly

    three years ago i started self harming. Almost a year ago i tried to commit suicide. I ran in and out of bad relationship to bad reationship, hooking up with random guys i barely even liked, running away before it could turn into anything more. The worse thing about attempting to commit suicide was that no one seemed to care at the time. However now I’m I am able to see that it’s not that they didn’t care, it’s that they didn’t know how to deal with it. they blamed themselves for what i tried to do and didn’t know how to make it better. Only three years ago I was a young naive and troubled girl who turned to self harm for attention that i badly needed and didn’t get. Two years ago I was a confused and messed up teenager who was being badly bullied at school. One year ago i was a lonely and broken girl who couldn’t let go of the past so instead pretended everything was fine whilst living a reckless life and suffering from depression. Now I am a confident sixteen year old with an amazing boyfriend and plans to go to collage then art school. I have a great group of friends and though I still don’t get on with my family i no longer let it get to me, choosing to walk away and spend time with friends rather than hurting myself over it. I am comfortable in my own head with the fact I’m bi, even though I haven’t told many people this yet, and life is okay for the most part. It’s difficult and complicated and often despret and painful, but it is also beautiful and fun and exciting and i cope. I realise now not everything has to be perfect and I am a lot happier in my self for realising this. and if any of you gurls out there are going through hard times, I just want you to know it gets better. that’s a promise.

  • Khin

    Thank you.

  • Taylor

    I know exactly how this feels. I go through so much crap every single day, but I just sit there and take it. Why, you ask? I don’t know exactly. Probably because my bestest friend I was bullied all of last year by two other girls, and now I misplaced my loud, silly, hyper, loving, trusting, outgoing self. It took a HUGE chunk out of my self esteem, and I can’t seem to get it back. I get bullied by a group of kids in my grade now, who you might call the “popular” bunch, and two of them are my cousins. So I feel like everyone hates me.

    I feel so guilty. One of my cousins who bullies me talks about my best friend(s) (he talks mainly about my bestest friend, the one who was bullied with me last year, but also talks about my other best friends as well, both girls and boys) in a negative way to my face. And I am such a chicken that I don’t even say anything to defend my best friend. I’m too afraid to stand up for my bestest friend in the whole wide world, who’s always there for me. I’m too afraid because I don’t want everyone to hate me even more. That’s why I feel guilty, because my job is to be there for my best friend, just like she’s there for me.