From The Boards: Is Snooping Through Your Sweetie’s Phone Okay?

Going Through Your Phone

Don't do it! Just don't!

When you’re in a relationship, it’s natural to get a little curious about who else your sweetie is talking to. And when you see him or her constantly on their phone, it’s natural to get the urge to find out exactly who they’re texting. But just because their phone is sitting there, seemingly calling your name to snoop through it, does that mean you should?

We saw this post in the message boards about a girl who had to deal with her boyfriend looking through her phone, and it made us wonder… is snooping through your sweetie’s phone ever okay? Read what these girls had to say, and then let us know what you think.

DistantDream said:
Hey gurls , sorry if this is a rant but I need some advice. So I left my phone in my boyfriends house before I went to work and he offered to go back and get it for me. When he gave it back to me, I saw that he went through my previous calls and messages.

I feel like he invaded my privacy and doesn’t trust me. His excuse was that he heard my phone beep in his pocket and thought it was me trying to reach him, but surely I would have contacted his phone not mine! The fact that he went through my phone without my permission really p**sed me off. He’s now refusing to accept he did anything wrong. What do you girls think?

AllTheSmallThings replied and said:
I think that was a terrible thing to do. He should’ve just asked you about it, or if he knew that you really hated stuff like that, then the next time he saw you he could’ve asked to see your phone when you were there. That’s something that he needs to talk to you about before acting upon anything he saw so there won’t be any misunderstandings and unneeded threats.

Rihanna supposedly went through Chris Brown's phone, and look how that ended...

hero_of_the_day replied and said:
Honestly, most people would look at their partner’s phone if it was left there. Curiosity gets the best of us sometimes. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t trust you. He’s just… curious. I’d probably do the same, to be honest.

While hero_of_the_day has a point in saying that curiosity gets the best of us sometimes, we’re going to have to say that in general, sneaking around and looking through your sweetie’s phone is a bad idea. It’s way too easy to take a text message the wrong way, and to read something into a message that actually doesn’t mean anything at all. Not only will it make you feel more paranoid, but if you don’t find anything, we can bet you’ll end up feeling super guilty about snooping in the first place.

If you really believe that your sweetie is cheating, you need to ask them about it. And if your sweetie goes through your phone without asking? You have every right to be upset. That’s invading your privacy, and everyone (even someone in a relationship) has the right to have a little privacy.

Who do you agree with? Have you ever snooped through your sweetie’s phone? Has anyone ever gone through yours? Tell us in the comments.


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Posted in: Discuss, Discuss, Health, Sex & Relationships, Hooking Up, Love&Sex, Relationships
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  • JustMe

    I have been in an unofficial relationship with this guy for a year. Although I have only with him, he las slept with 2 people. He always accuses me of talking to other men, flirting, questioning, fighting, isolates me from my friends & doesn’t invite me to go out with him anymore because he says we fight too much. I let him know my passcode to my phone while he does not let me have his. I’ve asked him to give it to me & he doesn’t. He looks through my phone anytime. I recently looked through his phone because I had a feeling he wasn’t telling me something & I was right. He was trying to get back with his ex while he & I were actually together for the month we were official. I confessed to him I looked through his phone & he got pissed & said it was an invasion of his privacy & I crossed the line. I know I betrayed his trust but what trust did he actually have towards me in the first place. I know now I shouldn’t have done it but it’s done. Was I wrong to do that to him even though he would go through my phone?

  • amanda

    I agree with the 21st century. They wont tell you. Ive experienced this with my ex, I dug more into it found emails to girls on craigslist asking for oral sex and sex in general I was disgusted and trust me I did my job as a sexual partner, most men are dogs, I mean look its so easy to look up porn and get it off anotjer female. This world is just plain sick. Now my fiance that im with now has me second guessing. His cell is always in his pocket while mines on the counter like a normal person..but he does leave it out freely at night…im fed up

  • Simon

    My Gf went through my phone which I really dont have a problem with as I have nothing to hide and I have never thought of cheating on her . She left and then rang me the next day telling me she never wanted anything to do with me again. I was so shocked . All she said was I went through your phone and Ive seen messages to other girls and dont ever contact me again. I do have a lot of female friends and we do make jokes and say the odd stupid things but I have no interest in them sexually. I can totally see how she has read into all of this the wrong and I cant blame her , If she ever asked me if she could have looked at my phone id be like sure go for it.
    I am pretty gutted now and I cant even state my case to her but I guess the lesson here is talk about it and be open . Emails and text can easily be read the wrong way I have even had this problem in business when the reciever takes things the wrong way.

    • AndSoISmile

      When you are in a relationship, honesty and openness is key. Had you been honest about your females friends, the “jokes” may have seemed less serious and more comical. However, if you are serious about a girl, jokes with other females should just stop. This prevents any type of mixed messages being sent out, and shows your girlfriend you’re serious about your relationship with her. That doesn’t mean abandon friendships, just lay them down on the table in the beginning, instead of have them pop up, seemingly “out of nowhere.”

      On looking through phones, if you have nothing to hide it shouldn’t be a big deal. My phone has a lock on it, but my boyfriend knows the passcode and is welcome to look through my phone if he wants. He doesn’t but I’m not hiding anything, including my phone. It’s easily accessible at any given time.

  • Trish

    My boyfriend and I of 3 years have a really bad history of checking one another’s cell phones. I think that’s with almost any couple that lacks in trust. Honestly, I’m to the point where I’m probably just going to break up with him. I can’t trust him as far as I can throw him. And as far as ASKING your partner if they’re cheating, be honest, do you really think they’d actually tell you? We do live in the 21st century, it’s next to impossible to find someone that would have the decency or bravery to admit cheating to your face if you asked.

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