Real (Funny) Talk: 7 Things To Never Say At The Gym

Nothing like starting the day off right with a healthy little trip to the gym. Thing is, everybody else has had the same idea as you–including some people you can’t exactly be totally honest with.

To avoid totally losing it in the locker room, here are a few instances when you might want to say one thing when you really mean another.

1. To a trainer

funny but true

She said: Um, do you know how to adjust this machine?











She meant: This should require no more than 20 words from you. I’m NOT going to buy 10 training sessions, nor do I need tips on “working my lats”—whatever those are.











2. To the ‘Roided Out Guys Hogging Up the Weights Section

She said: Are you guys using the 8lb weights?











She meant: HEY. Ronnie, Situation, Pauly D–that’s great that you can bench press a water buffalo but can you bro out about it somewhere else? My triceps need some attention!











3. To the Super Fit Girl Stretching

She said: Ooo I really like your shoes!











She meant: I really like your butt/abs/arms/anything else that seems pervy to comment on.












4. To the Naked Older Lady Chatting Non-Chalantly in the Locker Room
She said: Oh wow, you workout 5 days a week? Yeah that’s great, good for you!











She meant: Wow! Pubic hair turns grey too. Who knew? I literally don’t know where to look now.











5. To the Woman with the Remote Control in her Elliptical Cup Holder
She said: Hey do you mind if I change the channel? Or are you watching Ghost Whisperer?











She meant: LISTEN. This television WILL be turned to E! or the CW in about 4 seconds or someone’s gonna die. If you think I’m going to log 40 minutes of cardio while watching Jennifer Love Desperate you are wrong wrong wrong.










6. To Your “Workout Buddy” Who Talks More Than she Sweats

She said: I think I’m gonna take this Body Pump XXXTREME class, but you totally don’t have to—I know you hate it.










She meant: I hate it too. Everyone hates it. But if I keep lying here on this mat with you analyzing your last date I’m never going to get legs like Amanda Seyfried so get the hell away from me!










7. To Your Yoga Teacher

She said: Hiiiii. I, uh, I’m new. Can I borrow a mat?











She meant: Yoga snobs run a close second to wine snobs as the most annoying people on Earth. In the real world, being able to loop your ankle behind your head is only useful if you’re making a porno, so back off with the smug glares, OK people?






What’s the wackiest thing anybody’s said to you at the gym? Tell us in the comments!

Now, check out 10 Funny But True Things To Never Say In A Friend Fight

Posted in: Being Yourself, Body Image, For Laughs, Spotlight On, Your Life
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  • Rebekah Marie Byrd

    YES to the last one!

  • workout girl

    well i know one day a friend of mine called me from the gym…she was on the treadmill, she says ok im on the treadmill at the gym and im gonna have to leave theres a lady on the workout bike in front of me….eating mcdonalds fries! and this was at the gym! she said the whole gym smelled like mcdonalds.

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