funny but true
Nothing like starting the day off right with a healthy little trip to the gym. Thing is, everybody else has had the same idea as you–including some people you can’t exactly be totally honest with.
To avoid totally losing it in the locker room, here are a few instances when you might want to say one thing when you really mean another.
1. To a trainer
She said: Um, do you know how to adjust this machine?
She meant: This should require no more than 20 words from you. I’m NOT going to buy 10 training sessions, nor do I need tips on “working my lats”—whatever those are.
2. To the ‘Roided Out Guys Hogging Up the Weights Section
She said: Are you guys using the 8lb weights?
She meant: HEY. Ronnie, Situation, Pauly D–that’s great that you can bench press a water buffalo but can you bro out about it somewhere else? My triceps need some attention!
3. To the Super Fit Girl Stretching
She said: Ooo I really like your shoes!
She meant: I really like your butt/abs/arms/anything else that seems pervy to comment on.
4. To the Naked Older Lady Chatting Non-Chalantly in the Locker Room
She said: Oh wow, you workout 5 days a week? Yeah that’s great, good for you!
She meant: Wow! Pubic hair turns grey too. Who knew? I literally don’t know where to look now.
5. To the Woman with the Remote Control in her Elliptical Cup Holder
She said: Hey do you mind if I change the channel? Or are you watching Ghost Whisperer?
She meant: LISTEN. This television WILL be turned to E! or the CW in about 4 seconds or someone’s gonna die. If you think I’m going to log 40 minutes of cardio while watching Jennifer Love Desperate you are wrong wrong wrong.
6. To Your “Workout Buddy” Who Talks More Than she Sweats
She said: I think I’m gonna take this Body Pump XXXTREME class, but you totally don’t have to—I know you hate it.
She meant: I hate it too. Everyone hates it. But if I keep lying here on this mat with you analyzing your last Match.com date I’m never going to get legs like Amanda Seyfried so get the hell away from me!
7. To Your Yoga Teacher
She said: Hiiiii. I, uh, I’m new. Can I borrow a mat?
She meant: Yoga snobs run a close second to wine snobs as the most annoying people on Earth. In the real world, being able to loop your ankle behind your head is only useful if you’re making a porno, so back off with the smug glares, OK people?
What’s the wackiest thing anybody’s said to you at the gym? Tell us in the comments!
funny but true