From The Message Boards: Is Celibacy A Good Idea?

Celibacy

Would you wear one of these rings?



Sex is great for some people, but what about those girls who aren’t ready to give it all up yet? It might seem like we talk about doing the deed a lot here on Gurl, but that doesn’t mean we aren’t fully aware that some of you girls are more into the idea of abstinence. And when we saw this post on the message boards, we decided that we had to know: what do you think about celibacy? Is it a good idea, or is it an outdated thing that just doesn’t seem practical?

Read what these girls had to say about the idea of celibacy, check out our opinion, and then let us know what you think in the comments.

whitnei92 said:
I’ve really been considering practicing this whole celibacy thing for many reasons. I just wanted to see if anyone here was/is celibate and how things are/were going during your journey.

Don't wanna wait? Totally up to you.

stayclassy replied, saying:
I don’t believe in not having sex until you get married. I need to know that the person I am marrying is sexually compatible with me, that we have sexual communication. Sex is healthy in a relationship, as well as an important part.

That being said, you don’t have to sleep with every guy that comes your way. You don’t have to choose one extreme (sleeping with everyone) or the other (not having sex until you’re married). You can just be extremely choosy about who you sleep with. Maybe you can have sex with a boyfriend only when you are committed.

nyctimene replied, saying:
I’ve been celibate since early 2007. I’m not dating, so that makes it easier but I guess I could be out there ‘hooking up’ (which I used to do). It’s really not that bad. People act like if you don’t have sex 5x a week, you’ll shrivel up and die and it just makes me laugh. I only miss sex very occasionally.

If you ever get the ‘urge’, that’s what masturbation is for. 😉 It’s a lot faster and safer (in terms of pregnancy and STDs).

You don't have to be a nun, or religious, to be celibate.

I personally really enjoy it. It seems like the boards are full of girls freaking out that they’re pregnant, that they have STDs, that they need to get birth control or their birth control is making them ill and real life isn’t much better. When you’re celibate, you don’t have to deal with any of that.

What do we think? Celibacy is totally a matter of opinion. If you want to be celibate, we say, go for it! There’s nothing wrong with it, and nyctimene makes a great point when she says it’s the safest way to avoid STD’s and pregnancy. If you’re more comfortable not having sex at all, or waiting to have sex, then you should absolutely wait.

However, there’s also nothing wrong with enjoying sex as a teen girl. stayclassy made another great point when she said that it doesn’t have to be one extreme or the other. If you want to sleep with your sweetie (or anyone else for that matter), no one should make you feel bad about that.

What do you think about celibacy? Who do you agree with? Have you ever tried it, or would you ever try it? Tell us in the comments.

 

What do you think about sex on the first date?


Posted in: Discuss, Discuss, Health, Sex & Relationships, Hooking Up, Love&Sex, Sex, Virginity
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  • Laurel

    While i think that it is fine if you want to be celibate, uncomfortable with the way its being spoken about. Like somehow if your celibate you are better, or more pure or whatever. Making people feel ashamed is just as wrong whether it is for staying celibate or having sex. I think that as long as someone feels safe and comfortable it up to them. That to make someone feel like making the decision to have sex will make them un-pure or make someone not want them later is awful. I also think that not everyone gets married and to make someone fee like they can’t have sex until they do is just perpetuating a stereotype. One where everyone is pure and only women marry men, which is something that is not true. There are so many different ways to live. And growing up is just finding the one that is right for you. Shaming people for having sex before marriage is not OK. There is nothing wrong with casual sex. There is also nothing wrong with wanting to wait for someone you think you are going to spend the rest of your life with.

    So if everyone could be a tad less judgement, (including probably me) we would all get along a lot better. No ones decisions about their body are wrong please let them make them without and you can make yours.

    • Lynda

      The whole point of being celibate is because you are in the very real and technical sense of the word, pure. You have been wholly untouched and unaffected by a second party sexual organism. It is not indicating that you should be ashamed if you have had sex, in fact it is saying the very opposite, to ensure you do not feel ashamed if you have not had sex. Sex is common, natural, and completely acceptable, but for some it is scary and intimidating. It is fine and great even to have sex as long as you are playing it safe and not being detrimental to your physical and emotional well being. What is not discussed is the celibate side. It is never mentioned that being celibate too is perfectly acceptable, which it is. The bottom line is that happy and healthy is the answer. Both activities can and should be engaged in, as long as they are making you happy and keeping you safe and healthy.

  • Dee

    I plan on staying a virgin until I’m married, I’m a Christian but that’s not really the reason at all, I just feel it’s only meant for the one person you plan to spend the rest of your life with. If I were to have sex now I know that on my wedding night I’d feel guilty like I already cheated on my husband.

    • Mara

      I totally agree with you! I mean, why is everyone in such a rush? Sex is one of those special things that needs to be cherished and saved, not flaunted.

  • AmericanBabe

    i practice abstinance. because i dont wanna get prego and then have to take care of the bay on my own. if he really love me then he will wait for when im ready. then condoms dont always work and you can get diseases.. only God know how manyVaginas that Penis have went into and guys dont always tell the truth, and thats why i practice abstinance

    • AmericanBabe

      and because i am a christian and in the bible it says to keep you v card till you wedding night.. then thats when you can give it all away. as many times as you want

  • Alexs

    Me personally I agree with this, but if you’re a virgin I think you need to put serious thought into it. I mean your virginity is something you cant get back and you may just wanna save it for that one special person or that person you’ve been committed to. Just make sure if you’re not completely proud of it that they’re not gonna spread it around and that he’s gonna stick around.
    I also believe that the phrase “true love waits” is very very true. I mean I’ve always said if he loved you before the sex he should love you without it.
    You may also be concerned about screwing up, or whether or not you getting naked for him will keep him around.
    There’s so many concerns when it comes to celibacy . Just consider all the options and whether or not you really are ready! It’s you’re virginity to give away or keep to yourself!

  • Rose

    Sex is a thing designed for married couples; it is the glue in marriage and meant to create children. If everyone could just have sex with whoever they wanted with no commitment, then there wouldn’t be many faithful relationships. I am waiting until marriage and even though it’s hard to keep that promise sometimes, I don’t want to think about my future husband having sex with other women. I want him to wait for me too. Diss my comment if you want, I know it’s countercultural, but I believe that sex before marriage is wrong.

    • Amy

      It’s not countercultural, it’s as mainstream christian as physically possible. Sex isn’t solely for procreation, or humans would, like every other animal, receive no pleasure from the act. We’re unique in that aspect. There already exist very few faithful relationships, and it has absolutely nothing to do with when you first have sex. Losing your virginity on your wedding night doesn’t prevent you or your husband from sleeping with someone else years into the marriage. The divorce rate is 50%, how does remarriage factor into all of this? Save yourself an ex-husband, child, child support and divorce legal battles, and have safe, protected sex when you and your partner are ready.

      Waiting until marriage, having a child, and then going through a divorce leaves you as much a single mother as does foolishly having unprotected sex with a stranger. Both are terrible ideas. Be safe and reasonable, you don’t have to pick between the extremes of ‘no sex’ and ‘get with every hot guy’.

    • Toni

      I TOTALLY agree. Sex is meant to be in the confines of marraige!!!!

  • ajamarie

    I DONT BELIEVE YOU SHOULD HAVE TO WAIT TILL YOUR MARRIED, BUT I DO THINK THAT YOU SHOULD AT LEAST WAIT TILL THAT SPECIAL PERSON WHOM YOU LOVE, TRUST, AND RESPECT COMES ALONG

    • Alexs

      I’m not saying you’re wrong about that. I agree, but think about how hard it will be when it ends? If you’re married and the marriage is true then it will most likely last.

      • Amy

        The marriage has about a 50% chance of lasting, based on the divorce rate. Waiting until you’re married doesn’t protect you from loss, all relationships will come to an end.

        How much harder will it be if you’ve waited 25 years, a third of your life, for someone who has an affair and leaves you to raise your child alone? A breakup with your boyfriend is a lot easier than a divorce from your husband.

  • Marii

    i think that 6 months ago, i would have said wait til marriage.

    but my bf and i have been together for almost 5 years. he has always been patient with me (waiting a year before we even kissed) and never pressured me to do anything.

    and when you’ve dated someone since you were 15, and then you’re 20… things change.
    when i turned 18, i started being on birthcontrol, just in case.

    5 years is a long time to know and love someone. we have been together for 1/4th of my life, and we became so comfortable with each other. comfortable, while at the same time… very lustful. you can’t just kiss someone and get the same feeling forever. it’s like the first time you kiss, it’s glorious. and after that, it still is, but you’ve fallen more in love. you want to do more together. you want to cuddle them. you want to go camping together, spend the night seeping side by side. (even if you don’t do anything.) suddenly you want to see them w/o their pants on, and they want to see you. And then you realize that even though it goes against your relationship ideal, that you’re comfortable with it. and that’s how relationships are, slowing wanting more and more, and wanting it slowly, badly, until it culminates into sex.

    and it’s great.

    whether you wait until marriage, or do it with the one you love~

    just make sure,
    make absolute SURE

    that no matter the out come, you’ll have no regrets. <3

    give yourself away freely. not because you think that if you do, he'll change/love you/ stay.

    that boy waited for me until he became a man. and we are still together, he's trying to get a better job so we can get married.

    no matter what happens though, whether we break up, get married, get divorced

    i will never regret having given myself first to the man who waited so patiently
    to my first boyfriend
    to the man with whom i have spent so much of my life.

    when you do it, just make sure
    you do it with love. <3

    • Amy

      Thank you for being the voice of reason. We need more people like you to help lead our girls in the right direction. Sex doesn’t suddenly go from ‘absolutely unacceptable in all circumstances’ to ‘mandatory’ simply because of a relationship status and a piece of paper.

      It’s about the connection you share with someone you love, and someone who cares deeply about you. Marriage doesn’t necessarily prove that love, nor does a lack of marriage mean that love does not exist.

      Kudos to you for being responsible and prepared! I wish more girls and their parents would be open about birth control. Even if a girl plans to wait, it’s just wise to protect against the absolute worst case.

  • jayjaykaka

    You’re celebate until you find someone you really love. I think virginity is meant to protect us from STD’s and broken hearts, but when you find that person you really love I don’t think virginity comes into play. It’s all about how oyu feel though(:

  • DakotaStrand26

    I’m saving myself for my future husband. I just feel like sex is something that should be shared by two people who are going to be together for the rest of their lives.

  • Anonymous :)

    I think it all depends on your own feelings. But I don’t completely believe in celibacy myself. A relationship between two people should work because they have an emotional conection which can survive on that alone but now a days many peole rush into things and they sometimes try to build there relationship around the sexual side before actually knowing each other. I belive that people should connect both sexually and emotionally before comiting by marriage because then you know what your in for 🙂

  • Anonymous

    i believe in sex is a sacred thing . in todays society , sex is plastered everywhere . it has become more easier to express . or in other words .. having sex freely , with other people is alright . but i see sex as being something so much more deeper then just something that everyone is doing .. or even something that feels good in the moment . once you someone has shoved there penis up your vagina a bond has been made , and you take on every feeling and every emotion they may have had has been imparted into you . and you become attached to that person in some kind of way . sex was created for 2 people to become one . that special partner deserves your all . that cannot be so if your all has been givin to a bunch of dickheads that things nothing of you . being able to save your self is not only beautiful and special for your partner , but also displays the self respect deplicted towards you .

    • DakotaStrand26

      Yes, yes, yes! Exactly what I was thinking put into words. Thank you! Lol 🙂

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  • PVR

    I am absolutely agree with Sarah, Alexa and Britt……… a woman should have sex after marriage…. I think Gods never make mistake……. God makes men and women compatible in many things, including sex…..
    why does a woman should try have sex before marriage ??? virginity is not shoes or clothes that should be tried first before it is paid.
    God has created male and female genitalia fit and very comfortable…… so that each couple can enjoy it with passion, emotion and spirit that give comfort each other .
    don’t worry and be happy………
    my suggest is …… a woman must keep her virginity until her first night with her ​​husband.
    thanks………..
    http://www.pvrization.webnode.com

    • AmericanBabe

      i agree..!!

  • blackangel

    I used to practice it, but only until I really loved the person. I honestly think that if you find someone you love, I mean truly love like you want to be with them, then it’s fine. If you want to wait until you are married, that’s fine too. As long as you aren’t hooking up with every one you date, or when you’re high or drunk, it’s fine. Your decision is your decision.

  • Britt

    I agree with Sarah and Alexa. I am still a virgin and I definitely plan to wait til marriage, because I feel like there is something so special with waiting and being patient until you find that special person who you know you’ll be with forever.

  • MillionDollarGurl

    Well i have been celibate for a yr. After i broke up wit my ex/first i said i ddnt wanna do it again til i was married. Im goin to be honest if u liked sex like i did thn its hard….but i made tht decision b.c. I said the man who loves me will wait. But if u wanna be celibate its great especially if ur a virgin…thts the best gift to give ur husband on ur wedding night…ur virginity n men love women who dnt sleep around

  • scuzz

    I agree with gurl in saying that whatever the person decides to do is fine with me! In my opinion I think humans are obviously very sexual beings and we shouldn’t be so ashamed of having sex. I have been watching porn and masturbating since my early teens. I am 19 now and have only ever had one boyfriend and I am still currently with him. He is 18 and we have been dating for almost two years now. We didn’t have sex until 8 months into the relationship. The whole time before that was intense for me though and we were both basically really horny and built up to the point of having sex. When we finally did have sex neither of us were planning on it either it kind of just happened and we were both happy that it did. 🙂

  • Sarah

    I’m a “celibate” as you guys refer to. For me, I just think about it more as saving myself for the man that I’m gonna live the rest of my life with. Now, yes, I am a Christian, but, that has no affect on my decision. I’m choosing to remain pure because I want to be able to tell people that I did keep myself for my husband and that it felt good to be able to achieve that since, as a young person, our bodies are designed for sex since this is when we would’ve been getting married 2,000 years ago. That’s why we always have the lust. We’re programmed like that. But I know people who have stayed pure till marriage, a very close friend of mine actually, and she said that if she hadn’t saved herself, then her and her husband wouldn’t have the huge connection that they have now. Plus, there is the advantages about not having to worry about birth control, STD’s, unwanted pregnancies, and having your reputation ruined. If you give yourself away to somebody, either because you want it or because you think that the person loves you, it could easy for them to just break it off and then tell the whole school how much of a great lay you were. It’s a personal choice and a tough battle, but those of you out there that want it, stay strong. For me it helped that I got my purity rings. They’re a constant reminder to me of what my goal is.

    • Alexa

      Sarah said it all..I’m a Christian as well and I don’t want to give myself away and get my heart broken to someone who can walk out the door and it wouldn’t be a problem. I don’t want to give into lust..I’m saving myself for someone who I know will love me and that will be my future husband.