Boyfriend Too Needy
My boyfriend is incredibly needy and is asking me to give certain things up for him. He doesn’t have a lot of friends, but he said he stopped hanging out with them for me; but I never asked him to do that.
Now he moans when I go out with my friends instead of him, and even though he tells me he knows it’s selfish, he doesn’t do anything to calm himself. How can I effectively tell him to give me more space?
I agree with you – you definitely need a little bit of space from your boyfriend. In order for you guys to have a really healthy relationship, you should both have your own separate lives and friends instead of always being so dependent on each other. It sounds like you realize this, but your boyfriend doesn’t.
Telling your BF you need a little more space without hurting his feelings can be kind of tricky, but it’s a conversation that you definitely need to have. Let him know that even though you love spending time with him, you need your own space sometimes. Explain that having your own time and being with your friends is something that’s really important to you and it’s not something you want to give up.
Find out why he doesn’t want you hanging out with your friends. Is it just because he wants to be with you more, or is it because he feels threatened by you having your own life? If it’s a case of jealousy, you need to reassure him that having your own friends doesn’t mean you’re any less interested in him.
If he points out that he ditches his own friends for you, be firm about reminding him that you never asked him to do that. Maybe try suggesting that he should just be with his friends sometimes. And if a few weeks goes by and nothing changes, tell him the way things are going isn’t working for you. No matter how much you like this guy, you’re never going to be happy if you feel like you’re being forced into giving up the things you love.
What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at firstname.lastname@example.org
Boyfriend Too Needy